Help me feel ok about this will

[TerryWogansWig]

Ok, I know “every will is contentious”, but I’m feeling dejected about this one.

DHs aunt, last remaining relative of that generation. No children of her own, Had over £1m in bank accounts etc. We were expecting a 4 way split between DH, his sister, their late mother ( recently deceased also), and a family friend who’d done a lot for her.

Will opened: £50k to each of the 4 expected beneficiaries, a few other very small specific amounts ( church etc), and the balance ( over 800k) split between 4 named charities .

That’s lovely for those charities, but I feel this is just not right. Why not specify an amount to the charities, with the rest split between family? But hey, that’s what she specified so we have to accept it.

Help me get past this.

So you don’t need help with getting over her death, just her money which you feel entitled to.

I am sorry for your loss but honestly this isn’t about you - don’t be so ridiculous.

People are so envious in the U.K. - and get offended by any and every thing. Loads of pps pretending they wouldn’t feel disappointed by this. Going on about “entitlement” - that’s generally how inheritance works! In fact if you die intestate there’s a list of priority for family members to inherit.

Giving 800k to charity over blood family is ludicrous. I would be very upset.

Good point@loveautumn.

Then I guess your ds will be getting a lot of money as and when

I can understand why you feel this was unfair-I would too. So often in the media we hear of money being left to family members who deserve it least.

Giving 800k to charity over blood family is ludicrous. I would be very upset.

It was her money, and it was what she wanted. It's fine to be upset, but it doesnt change anything and the only person affected by your upset is you, so it feels a bit pointless.

Loubylie what a stupid statement. For starters the ops dh inherited from an aunt. I inherited from two of mine. And had it occurred to you single childless people may have other family or friends to leave things too.

My uncle and aunt had no children between them, although he had a son with another woman during their marriage. On second death their combined estate was split between his son, three grandchildren and two nephews and my aunt's six nieces and nephews (a total of 12 beneficiaries) we each received £52k and it was very welcome.

The charities only got the balance of the estate after your DH’s share was paid out. She made sure your DH’s share was safe. Does that help?

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to wish the money had gone to family rather than charity, but it is what it is, this was her wish. Spend the 50k doing something to honour her and be grateful anything at all was left.

Word for word this.
When I became aware from a friend exactly the perks involved in working for a well known charity and found out that it is in fact extremely common, I cancelled every single direct debit I had to them. I had about 6 at the time.

I am now extremely selective to whom I donate and keep it local if I can.

She’s an only child. Her parents own a half a million pound house and both have good paying jobs. Believe me, she’ll be fine!

I think it’s completely fair enough to be miffed OP.

I’m guessing that Auntie probably inherited money herself. Whether she did or not, she could have left the bulk to relatives and a cash legacy to charities not the other way round. That’s my opinion.

Ungortunately you've mentally spent money before you had it. I'm in an aunts will for a big inheritance but she changes her mind alot and I also know it may be eaten up in care costs one day or she may choose to spent her money, brilliant. Not counting it in any of our financial planning as inheritance is such a tenuous thing.

I’m already finding this with various young adult relatives suddenly showing an interest in me after years of barely knowing who I am. I don’t have a partner or children and am in a senior role so they think I’m wealthy. Or rather their parents do, who are the ones behind this sudden interest as I turned 50 last year. The truth is that I, like most people, struggle ans have few savings. I’ve been on my own for years and even as a moderately high earned it’s fucking hard, especially as I’m supporting my elderly father who gets nothing but his pension. If any of my relatives deigned to talk to me they’d know that there isn’t anything other than my modest house - which I’m leaving to my ex husbands nieces who I have managed to retain a close and wonderful relationship with despite the divorce. My family. Nah. Just because I have no children,doesn’t mean you’re the default inheritors.

If your DH’s attitude is anything like yours, his aunt made a very good decision.

A relative left me a slightly smaller amount than the amount you've been left, and in the same will left £300k to charity. I have always been blown away by their generosity and delighted that they were able to leave so much to causes that were important to them (and will have made a difference to a great number of people), it was a fantastic achievement on their part and I hope it brought them joy when they realised they were going to be able to leave such a sum.
In the 15 years since the will was executed it's never struck me that their will should have been different! I have tried to use my inheritance in a way that honours them, and in turn that's brought me both security and happiness.

My Great Aunt left 100% of her £1M+ estate to charity 30 years ago, minus a couple of hundred pounds for my dad to “cover his expenses” for being sole executor. He made a loss as her estate was a fair distance away and needed multiple visits to settle it!

10 years age my DGM (dads mum) left her £1M+ estate to her solicitors children rather than her 3 sons/8 grandchildren and left instructions that she be buried in a “paupers grave with no headstone” just to prove how unloved she was 🙄. We buried her properly (because, fuck her getting her own way on that!) but left the money where she sent it. That side of the family had a bitter narcissist streak wider than the English Channel and both women knew damn well what they were doing.

Let it go OP and be at peace ✌️ 😄

hahahahahahahahahahaah!

Auntie knew what she was doing.

We're they charities that meant a lot to her?

I got a gift of £2000 from an uncle I was close to, I never expected or wanted anything and was touched he remembered me in his will (written when I was much younger) - most of his several million went to a wonderful hospice where he passed - I still support them myself every year.

OP it was her money to do what she wanted with, consider all the good works it will pay for.

Just wanted to post a different perspective. 25 years ago when we moved into our present home we were told our immediate neighbour was a recluse who hated all her neighbours (told to us by the queen b neighbour) my husband as it was summer was working in the garden and noticed one night her lights were still on. He kept checking and at 2 pm went through her back gate and looked In her window and she was on the floor. Long story short we spent the next 10 years shopping cooking attending hosp appointments with her as we thought she had no family. Imagine our disgust when she died 7 nieces and nephews suddenly appeared. Months later we were invited to her will reading which shocked us as we thought she had no money and she left us £2k and the remaining £800k to her family and they threaten to challenge the will. Some greedy people out there.

I mean there are good charities out there that actually help good causes and then there’s the ones that just divert funds and fund their CEOs or execs life. Actively praying on old folks good will. What do you want to bet she’s not left this money to one like that but regardless family comes first… to me anyway. And close family too. Also what’s wrong with leaving money to adults? They don’t deserve it because they are older than 18?

I'm planning on doing something similar to be honest. I'll leave everything to my mum but if she's passed, then my niece and nephew will get a similar amount to you. My home will be donated to a domestic violence charity as emergency accommodation for women and children leaving abusive relationships and I'll probably leave them funds to cover costs for maybe a decade

You'd need a heart of stone not to have a laugh at this one. 😂