Help me feel ok about this will

[TerryWogansWig]

Ok, I know “every will is contentious”, but I’m feeling dejected about this one.

DHs aunt, last remaining relative of that generation. No children of her own, Had over £1m in bank accounts etc. We were expecting a 4 way split between DH, his sister, their late mother ( recently deceased also), and a family friend who’d done a lot for her.

Will opened: £50k to each of the 4 expected beneficiaries, a few other very small specific amounts ( church etc), and the balance ( over 800k) split between 4 named charities .

That’s lovely for those charities, but I feel this is just not right. Why not specify an amount to the charities, with the rest split between family? But hey, that’s what she specified so we have to accept it.

Help me get past this.

Her money to do what she wants, not yours. So sad you think otherwise.

I have to wonder how much you reached out to her over the decades, if you visited her, took her to dinner, sent her birthday presents, often telephoned just to say hello.
I have only one close-ish relative, and I think she's likely to expect me to leave everything to her. But why would I bother, to someone who never calls, never sends thank-yous for gifts? I'm thinking any money would be better left to charities.

My great aunt did this. I was the only one who looked after her and made sure her bills were paid (by me) etc whilst she just banked her pension and owned her own home outright. She left everything to a donkey sanctuary she had never even visited! She didn’t even like donkeys-she liked cats! I was a pissed off-least of all because I couldn’t get back the money I had spent on her never mind anything else.

The “family are everything/blood family” crew make me laugh. It’s reminiscent of Eastenders. I have far closer relationships with friends than I do with some of my family… I have nieces and nephews who I haven’t seen for years, don’t know what country they’re living in, don’t have a phone number for them, nor they me… why on earth would I leave them my hard-earned money instead of leaving it to close friends and/or a local charity that’s dear to me?

Years ago, my then-partner was asked by his elderly uncle to be one of the executors to his will. It was only then that my partner found out his uncle had more than £15,000,000. The uncle had been more fortunate in life than his younger brother (my partner's dad). For example, both brothers had passed the 11+ exam, but their family could only afford to send the eldest to grammar school. The eldest went on to university and ended up with a great career, whereas his brother ended up working in a factory.

When the uncle died, I was convinced that a significant amount of money was coming my partner's way, (although my partner said he wasn't bothered if he got anything). It was just as well my partner wasn't bothered, because he wasn't left a penny. I think the uncle's teenage grand-daughter got the lot.

I did not assign any value, it is a fact that people do care about their legacy and "who remembers them" factor.
Somwone who pledged xy amount to a charities probably more than others ;)
They do have peoole employed to talk you into it. It's not a secret lol

As 1 of 4 in a working class family I will be extremely grateful to inherit 1/4 of my parents home assuming they don’t end up spending it on care costs! Never occurred to me that my (childless) aunt/ uncles would leave me a penny!

sounds like you spent the money in your head before she was even dead.

so grabby OP. Be thankful for your £50k.

It's not even your aunt!!! If anyone gets to feel perhaps a little perplexed it's your husband. But even then...

It's everyone's right to leave their money two whoever they want. If she wanted to leave her money to charity then so be it. Good for her.

Get over it - if you want some money then earn it yourself.

Totally agree with you. I have one nephew I absolutely adore and he and his mum make big time efforts to spend time with me. I also supported his mum when he was born as she was having big time health issues at the time. He is a darling little lad who is kind, considerate, funny, and delightful and we are very close.

Not so with my other sister's children - they are an obnoxious family all round and I wouldn't choose to spend time with them. Sadly my sister's husband has had a very bad influence on all of them - it's unfortunate but she's an adult and has made her choices.

The notion of being "forced" to give my money to family members just because I'm related to them is abhorrent. I'd far rather give my money to the Donkey Sanctuary than a load of money-grubbing oafs who view me as a cheque-book. The OP in this post sounds rather like my sister's grotty husband: just views the Auntie as a chequebook and feels entitled to have a cut of the cash. Yuck.

Gold Digger.

A distant relative did this. Left the amount up to inheritance tax level to nephews/nieces and the rest tax free to charities.

Exactly. MN is so weird about inheritance. I can't get my head around feeling this entitled to other people's money.

Who said they didn’t?

Good for the aunt! In making the will she was trying to make a positive difference in the world. None of the beneficiaries were her children, and they presumably all have their own families who they are likely to inherit from. You’re being incredibly ungrateful and entitled.

That’s entirely your choice obviously. But I hope that if you have children, that they are securely housed. Because I think that’s an obligatory part of parenting,
regardless of age, but barring serious criminal activity.

Imagine being disappointed at just being handed £50k on a plate 🙄

There's absolutely nothing wrong with leaving money to adults, if you want to. But this was an aunt, not a parent. She left money to her relatives, £50k is very generous. We don't know what charities she left her money to, they may well be smaller excellent ones or ones that were important to her. Either way it doesn't matter, it was her decision to make.

How often did your DH see her? Help her? Had she promised him 25%?

We were expecting a 4 way split between DH, his sister, their late mother ( recently deceased also), and a family friend who’d done a lot for her

This is the problem, your expectations.

It wouldn't occur to me to "expect" to inherit anything at all from anyone other than my own parents. Even then, it's not something I've given much thought to. I think of it as being their money, to do with as they wish, not my inheritance. I don't even like thinking about it really because these are people I love dearly and whose deaths will inevitably cause me pain that no amount of money could take away.

Your OP reads as though you and your DH have given a lot of thought to how much you stand to inherit from this Aunt, probably talked about what you might do with the money etc. Basically, you started to think of the money as yours. Now you feel "dejected" and that it's "not right", as though you've had something snatched away from you when of course of it was never yours in the first place.

Essentially, someone related to your DH has made a very generous donation to some worthy causes. This person has also generously gifted you £50k. Instead of seeing those two facts as seperate and good, which they are, you've decided you have personally been cheated because money you wrongly saw as yours has gone elsewhere. That's not a problem with the will, that's on you.

Why do you feel the will was unjust?

Good for her. She obviously thought the charities needed it more than you.

What a lovely lady leaving all that to charity.

How inheritance works is that the aunt was the only one entitled to decide what she wanted to do with her money, regardless of how ludicrous you consider her choices to be. OP and her DH set themselves up for disappointment by banking on money that was never theirs, that they had and have no right to. At the very least this was foolish, and the resultant injury is a self inflicted one.

Believe it or not there are those of us that don’t go through life counting on money/assets that aren’t already ours.

Most people don't, no. But you know, most people, I would think, are aware of the fact that according to intestacy rules, any inheritance has a strict order that it must go in, according to blood lines. if your sister didn't leave a will you would stand to inherit her estate if she doesn't have a spouse or parent surviving. I wonder if in that situation you would be prepared to reject it if you knew she had expressed a wish all her life for any money she leaves to go to charity, but never got round to writing a will? Or would you keep quiet....

What kind of person would try to "fight" a charity for their dead Aunts money because they're not satisfied with their £50k?