Friend didn’t wish me a happy birthday

[99dietpepsi]

AIBU to be a bit upset / disappointed by this?

It’s my 30 birthday today and my close friend hasn’t messaged me. We spoke briefly yesterday morning which is when she mentioned she had a gift for me and that she would give it to me the next time we see each other (she doesn’t drive so can’t just pop over to mine) but that was it. No message today. I’m obviously very grateful that she’s bought me something as I don’t expect anything, but I just find it a bit odd that she’s not messaged me at all today.

This isn’t the first time this has happened. A couple of years ago she did the same thing and messaged me a few days later asking if I was okay. No happy belated birthday, just normal chit chat / no mention of my birthday.

I understand that people have their own lives. The world certainly doesn’t revolve around me, but she’s always on her phone. I mean constantly. I’d be very surprised if she hasn’t been on her phone at all today and I just find it strange she hasn’t taken 2 seconds out of her day to wish me a happy birthday, on my actual birthday.

I’ve got my hard hat on for this! Would you find this strange?

You know she has got you a present - maybe it has got lost in the post. The lack of a message - in addition - is completely irrelevant.

We spoke briefly yesterday morning which is when she mentioned she had a gift for me and that she would give it to me the next time we see each other

It hasn’t got lost in the post the friend spoke to her about the gift and told her the day before that she would give it to her when she next sees her

This is a communication style thing - she's acknowledged your birthday. Some people emphasize doing that on the day. A lot (more of the people I know) don't.

Don't assume she doesn't care because she doesn't express that care the same way you do. You can see on the thread - humans don't all act the same on this. Live and let live and you'll be happier.

When you insist people should do things exactly the way you do, you're putting unnecessary pressure on them and storing up problems. I had a friend who used to get angry if I hadn't contacted her by a particular time on her birthday. I had a lot of difficult stuff on when she kicked off about it one year. I haven't felt the same about her since, though I'll try. It feels like being somebody's punch bag, like you can never do enough for them, and you can never relax for fear of upsetting them. It's a lot to put on people, OP

What kind of friend is constantly in contact but fails to send a quick 'HB' message? I don't know how anyone can think that isn't strange and actually, goading. It has happened before so seems deliberate. Very odd.

YANBU, OP.

She's been clear that she remembered your birthday in advance and went out to specifically get you a present.

For heaven's sake- is that not enough effort?

You dont care you mean.

Most friends do care and should care.

It sounds weird but I'd be upset about a childhood friend forgetting my birthday much more than I would a friend I'd made in adulthood. Birthdays used to be so much more important when you were young and I never forget them. You have lots of shared memories of celebrating so it seems more poignant.

I can barely remember my own birthday. She’s just forgetful. She got you a gift so she cares about you. So don’t worry about it.

I think she probably considers that she has wished you happy birthday by messaging you the day before. She has let you know that she has got you a present (i.e. she hasn’t forgotten about it). Maybe she knew she had a lot on on the day itself so sent the message in advance to be organised, not realising it would upset you.