Friend didn’t wish me a happy birthday

[99dietpepsi]

AIBU to be a bit upset / disappointed by this?

It’s my 30 birthday today and my close friend hasn’t messaged me. We spoke briefly yesterday morning which is when she mentioned she had a gift for me and that she would give it to me the next time we see each other (she doesn’t drive so can’t just pop over to mine) but that was it. No message today. I’m obviously very grateful that she’s bought me something as I don’t expect anything, but I just find it a bit odd that she’s not messaged me at all today.

This isn’t the first time this has happened. A couple of years ago she did the same thing and messaged me a few days later asking if I was okay. No happy belated birthday, just normal chit chat / no mention of my birthday.

I understand that people have their own lives. The world certainly doesn’t revolve around me, but she’s always on her phone. I mean constantly. I’d be very surprised if she hasn’t been on her phone at all today and I just find it strange she hasn’t taken 2 seconds out of her day to wish me a happy birthday, on my actual birthday.

I’ve got my hard hat on for this! Would you find this strange?

This wouldn't bother me, but it does bother you, and that's the point isn't it. If it makes your day to have your mates wish you happy birthday on the actually day, than just tell them that. People aren't mind readers and everyone is different.

She's probably thought nothing of it, and I expect if you'd phoned or texted her on the day you would've got a happy birthday message back. Maybe I'm assuming here but did you just wait for the message or call to arrive and not reach out yourself first, because it's your birthday so the onus is on your family and friends to make more of an effort on that one day?

It's not unreasonable but equally not everyone thinks like that and if they don't know that you do think like that then you are going to end up disappointed as you have been. Easy to change it, just tell her.

Last week I woke up and remembered that it was a close friend's birthday.
"I must message her today" I thought. Then stuff happened, then the day was over, and I've just remembered now. I should have just done it while I was thinking about it but my phone was downstairs. I hate when I do that.

I'd be a bit miffed but otherwise let it go.

Some people feel it's really important that others contact them on the day, others don't. I have one friend who always remembers but on the wrong date! It's not the end of the world.

Yes I’d find it hurtful if a close friend didn’t text me happy birthday. It’s the small thoughtful things that make a friendship. No point buying a present for you if she can’t be bothered to wish you a happy birthday or deliver the present to you on or around your birthday.

I'd also be upset because these little actions and remembering these things shows care and thought.

What smacks of 'passive aggressive'? The friend spoke to the birthday princess the day before, told them they've got her a present and will give it to her next time she sees her. She hasn't forgotten her birthday, and tbh even if she did, in the words of a previous poster, this person is 30 not 3.

Maybe her way of saying happy birthday was talking about the gift and she thought she wished you? I don’t think someone who was mean or horrible would intentionally not wish you but go to the trouble of getting you a gift?

Yes, I would also be hurt about lack of text to wish happy birthday. Only takes seconds to send a text. It just shows that you care.

Do you feel that lack of text is indicative of her not making much effort generally or is it unusual for her not to message you to wish you a happy birthday on the day?

Have you even read any the thread, even just the opening post? 🤦‍♀️

Could it be that something has happened that prevented her from texting?

opposite situation but I ignored countless messages that were texted and sent on social media to me one year on my birthday. Didn’t ‘like’ or ‘heart’ or thank or reply to a single one of them - why ? Because I was a horrible, ungrateful friend?????? No - I was unconscious in intensive care.

shit happens - It might be that you weren’t her biggest priority that day - people forget…

probably not worth getting too stressed over it though.

It wouldn't bother me, as I don't celebrate my birthday and don't tend to wish people "Happy Birthday" (apart from my DTs, who are 7).
But, there is nowt wrong with you for feeling upset, if it's something that's important to you.
💚

Of course I wouldnt be upset, I'm an adult.
Birthdays only really matter for children & close family.

It's immature to be peeved about friends not wishing you a happy birthday once you've passed the age of 18.

There’s a lot of nasty replies on this thread and I strongly suspect it’s from people who expect everyone to run around for their birthdays but can’t be arsed to make an effort for anyone else. What a bunch of selfish bastards the UK has turned into.

OP I had a friend who was just the same. So I stopped making an effort for her birthday. She didn’t like it but tough shit. Let people like this go, they’re not worth it.

its really not a biggie. It’s interesting though that you reacted last time it happened, which was enough to make her ask if everything was OK - you must have made her aware that you were pissed off about something. Honestly, as adults it’s really not a big thing. She will no doubt say happy birthday when she sees you and hands over the present. Don’t be a tit and be ungracious.

She told you she’d got you a present - isn’t that acknowledging your birthday?

I find the whole ‘must text or post on SM saying happy birthday’ a box ticking exercise that means very little in reality.

Its certainly not something I’d stress over.

You’d ditch a friend you speak to every day - and who has actually acknowledged your birthday - over one missed text?

I would be irritated too and frankly find it odd that she bought a gift but could not be bothered to send a text? And it's not as if you guys are meeting on your birthday or near, so it is strange. Perhaps she isn't as close a friend as you thought.

@BettyCrockerClinic I’d ditch a ‘friend’ who expected lots of effort from me but gave none in return. My response was to the nasty replies on here which I suspect are from those types of people.

I also had a ‘friend’ who would ask for certain things for her birthday but only spend a third of the cost on everyone else. So yeah, it depends, all things considered.

Even if I’m seeing my friends later I always birthday text them in the morning. It’s not hard and shows people you care. All these forgetfulness excuses too, just set a reminder on your phone.

I think she probably considers this to be her wishing you a happy birthday.

This would only bother me if it was family.

I would honestly be so embarrassed if people felt that I HAD to be remembered on my birthday. it would feel so unnecessarily needy. Perhaps as a teenager or very young adult it might seem important. But as an adult there are so many more important things in the world to think about. The state of the world, family members getting sick, friends getting sick, friends suffering with their mental health, children, work stresses, money worries. My Birthday is irrelevant. If a friend bought me a gift, and gave it to me weeks later, I’d be so overwhelmed with happiness and gratitude for even featuring in their lives. I simply can’t imagine feeling that they HAD to message me on my birthday. My mother is that person, and now I feel panicky when I have to speak to her, for fear of what I might have done ‘wrong’ (and I’ve actually always remembered her birthday, but sometimes she just gets angry that I didn’t say the ‘right’ thing). I never want to be that person. I think your friend loves you. They bought you a gift after all. Please don’t fall into the trap of being so needy you require a specific message on a specific day.

But you have absolutely no idea what the friend expects from OP or what effort she has made.

Maybe because she acknowledged your birthday the day before she considered that enough,?

I have two friends of 40+ years whose birthdays are lodged in my brain (along with their child hood phone numbers) but even so I have occasionally forgot to message although I always send a card. Other friends I don’t do cards with I only seem to remember if I go on Facebook or someone posts in a group chat.

My friend and I actually have a little game where we do our absolute best to hide any evidence of said birthday, only to make each other crap when the inevitable happens and we forget. It's hilarious 🤷🏼‍♀️😂