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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend didn’t wish me a happy birthday

84 replies

99dietpepsi · 27/06/2025 23:59

AIBU to be a bit upset / disappointed by this?

It’s my 30 birthday today and my close friend hasn’t messaged me. We spoke briefly yesterday morning which is when she mentioned she had a gift for me and that she would give it to me the next time we see each other (she doesn’t drive so can’t just pop over to mine) but that was it. No message today. I’m obviously very grateful that she’s bought me something as I don’t expect anything, but I just find it a bit odd that she’s not messaged me at all today.

This isn’t the first time this has happened. A couple of years ago she did the same thing and messaged me a few days later asking if I was okay. No happy belated birthday, just normal chit chat / no mention of my birthday.

I understand that people have their own lives. The world certainly doesn’t revolve around me, but she’s always on her phone. I mean constantly. I’d be very surprised if she hasn’t been on her phone at all today and I just find it strange she hasn’t taken 2 seconds out of her day to wish me a happy birthday, on my actual birthday.

I’ve got my hard hat on for this! Would you find this strange?

OP posts:
JaninaDuszejko · 28/06/2025 00:04

It wouldn't bother me at all.

Boliviabae · 28/06/2025 00:07

99dietpepsi · 27/06/2025 23:59

AIBU to be a bit upset / disappointed by this?

It’s my 30 birthday today and my close friend hasn’t messaged me. We spoke briefly yesterday morning which is when she mentioned she had a gift for me and that she would give it to me the next time we see each other (she doesn’t drive so can’t just pop over to mine) but that was it. No message today. I’m obviously very grateful that she’s bought me something as I don’t expect anything, but I just find it a bit odd that she’s not messaged me at all today.

This isn’t the first time this has happened. A couple of years ago she did the same thing and messaged me a few days later asking if I was okay. No happy belated birthday, just normal chit chat / no mention of my birthday.

I understand that people have their own lives. The world certainly doesn’t revolve around me, but she’s always on her phone. I mean constantly. I’d be very surprised if she hasn’t been on her phone at all today and I just find it strange she hasn’t taken 2 seconds out of her day to wish me a happy birthday, on my actual birthday.

I’ve got my hard hat on for this! Would you find this strange?

God I can't remember anyone's birthday except my mother and my brother's.

I definitely couldnt tell you when any of my friend's birthdays are. People just don't care.

Help987 · 28/06/2025 00:08

Yes I'd definitely be upset especially on a milestone birthday. Sorry op.

Ilovemychocolate · 28/06/2025 00:08

I would definitely be upset

Garbera · 28/06/2025 00:11

This wouldn't bother me at all. I'm not even sure what the date is today.

Original poster
99dietpepsi · 28/06/2025 00:14

@Boliviabae see, I understand this. I’ve got a couple of family members who are a bit useless at remembering birthdays and I get it. Like you said, not everyone cares or thinks birthdays are important and that’s completely fine. But, that’s not the case here. My friend said to me on the 26th (my birthday was the 27th) “it’s your birthday tomorrow isn’t it? I’ve got something here for you and I’ll give it to you the next time I see you” so she definitely hadn’t forgotten.

OP posts:
Boliviabae · 28/06/2025 00:17

99dietpepsi · 28/06/2025 00:14

@Boliviabae see, I understand this. I’ve got a couple of family members who are a bit useless at remembering birthdays and I get it. Like you said, not everyone cares or thinks birthdays are important and that’s completely fine. But, that’s not the case here. My friend said to me on the 26th (my birthday was the 27th) “it’s your birthday tomorrow isn’t it? I’ve got something here for you and I’ll give it to you the next time I see you” so she definitely hadn’t forgotten.

She still could have forgotten.

When i was at work last year, my work colleague and friend said to me the day before my birthday "we must go out for dinner on your birhday"

The next day on my birthday, he had completely forgotten about it.

I had to remind him about it and he said "i cant believe i forgot about it, and we were talking about it only yesterday!!"

Original poster
99dietpepsi · 28/06/2025 00:20

@Boliviabae Hmm, I don’t think so, unfortunately. We speak daily. The one day we didn’t speak was my birthday. I just find it strange, but clearly I’m being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Littlemisscapable · 28/06/2025 00:21

She may just have forgotten the date ? I love cards and birthdays but only have the month of birth in my head.

Boliviabae · 28/06/2025 00:22

99dietpepsi · 28/06/2025 00:20

@Boliviabae Hmm, I don’t think so, unfortunately. We speak daily. The one day we didn’t speak was my birthday. I just find it strange, but clearly I’m being unreasonable.

I think things hurt more when they happen on your birhthday.

I was broken up with my boyfriend on the day of my 30th birthday

For me, it completely ruined my birthday.

He just saw my birthday as the same as anyother day.

GluttonousHag · 28/06/2025 00:23

99dietpepsi · 28/06/2025 00:14

@Boliviabae see, I understand this. I’ve got a couple of family members who are a bit useless at remembering birthdays and I get it. Like you said, not everyone cares or thinks birthdays are important and that’s completely fine. But, that’s not the case here. My friend said to me on the 26th (my birthday was the 27th) “it’s your birthday tomorrow isn’t it? I’ve got something here for you and I’ll give it to you the next time I see you” so she definitely hadn’t forgotten.

So you know she remembered your birthday in advance, and got you a present. What’s the problem?

Original poster
99dietpepsi · 28/06/2025 00:24

@Littlemisscapable we spoke the day before and she said to me “it’s your birthday tomorrow isn’t it? I’ve got something here for you and I’ll give it to you the next time I see you” so she definitely hadn’t forgotten, unfortunately. I won’t mention it to her though. I just wanted to see if I was unreasonable for being upset about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
99dietpepsi · 28/06/2025 00:27

@GluttonousHag sorry, I thought I’d made it clear in my op what I was upset about. I’m grateful that she’s bought me something, but I still think it’s a bit strange that she didn’t message me on my actual birthday. We speak daily.

OP posts:
Suusue · 28/06/2025 00:29

Yes i would be upset too.

Laura5162 · 28/06/2025 00:30

It might have bothered me at 13. At 30 it’s a ridiculous thing to care about.

Original poster
99dietpepsi · 28/06/2025 00:31

@Laura5162 fair enough.

OP posts:
GluttonousHag · 28/06/2025 00:32

99dietpepsi · 28/06/2025 00:27

@GluttonousHag sorry, I thought I’d made it clear in my op what I was upset about. I’m grateful that she’s bought me something, but I still think it’s a bit strange that she didn’t message me on my actual birthday. We speak daily.

But why does that bother you? It’s not as if she’d forgotten your birthday. She has a present for you.

Original poster
99dietpepsi · 28/06/2025 00:37

@GluttonousHag I guess it bothers me because I think it’s standard to message someone (even if you have a gift for them) and wish them a happy birthday on the actual day. That’s how I’ve always done things and I thought that was pretty normal?! I appreciate she has something for me, but it might be weeks before we see each other. We also speak daily, so I thinks it’s odd that the one day we haven’t spoken was my birthday.

OP posts:
GluttonousHag · 28/06/2025 00:44

99dietpepsi · 28/06/2025 00:37

@GluttonousHag I guess it bothers me because I think it’s standard to message someone (even if you have a gift for them) and wish them a happy birthday on the actual day. That’s how I’ve always done things and I thought that was pretty normal?! I appreciate she has something for me, but it might be weeks before we see each other. We also speak daily, so I thinks it’s odd that the one day we haven’t spoken was my birthday.

So she doesn’t do what you do. I don’t remember anyone’s birthday, however close a friend they are — that’s my normal. I forgot my brother’s this year. Other people are meticulous about a card arriving on the day. I don’t think it means either type is a better or worse friend.

Original poster
99dietpepsi · 28/06/2025 00:44

@Help987 thank you for understanding.

OP posts:
Original poster
99dietpepsi · 28/06/2025 00:47

@GluttonousHag I don’t think she’s a bad friend, but I am hurt by it. Like I said, she’s constantly on her phone, sending a message takes 2 seconds. It is what it is I guess.

OP posts:
SnowFrogJelly · 28/06/2025 01:14

Awwww

Kitkatcatflap · 28/06/2025 01:18

Did she text Happy Birthday?

OntheBorder1 · 28/06/2025 01:29

It wouldn't bother me at all. If I spoke to someone the day before my birthday, and they mentioned they had a gift for me, that would be it. I certainly wouldn't expect them to contact me again just to say Happy Birthday. Actually, I wouldn't care if I hadn't been speaking to them the day before either.

nomas · 28/06/2025 02:38

Sounds like she’s being passive aggressive. I’d stop exchanging presents with her and have zero expectation.

Stop texting her happy birthday too, maybe it will just fizzle out.