EX wife has moved new partner and kids in and my children are unhappy.

[David850]

I'm a dad of two children, 13 year old daughter and 7 year old son.

Two months ago my ex moved her new partner and his two children in with her, she lives in a 3 bed house so both kids are now sharing with his children, it's been a very tough two months for them and they are miserable.

My son is now sharing a room with this man's 11 year old son, my son is a big spiderman fan and his whole room was themed around this, walls, lights, posters, bedding etc but last weekend ex's new partner decorated the room, painted over the spiderman decor, took everything down, dumped my sons bed and furniture and replaced it with a bunk bed (son hates it, he's on the bottom bunk and says he feels cramped and hates that a bed is on top of him) I've been told the room is now white with a huge Xbox theme going on, apparently there is a few spiderman items remaining but my daughter has said at least 80% has been removed, and a large amount of the room is taken up by this boys gaming desk/chair and TV. My son is extremely upset, it's such a big adjustment to have this man and two kids move in but to fully change his bedroom and get rid of his stuff in his own home is unacceptable.

The daughter is 12, I belive she and my daughter are only a matter or months apart, she's so upset about this girl being moved in to her room, hers hasn't really been redecorated but her double bed has been removed and replaced with two singles and she's been forced to take half of her things off the walls and remove half of her things from her wardrobe, she's currently having to store items in boxes under her bed.

My ex is saying that the room situation was discussed with the kids and I do believe this but when the kids disagreed and said they don't want to share rooms she shut them down and said it was happening.

School has broke up today for summer and my daughter is saying she's not going back to her mums, I've asked what her main reason is and she has said that she refuses to continue to sleep in the same room as a stranger and she feels uncomfortable, I have discussed this with my ex and said i will keep her with me for the weekend and she's said that if they are not returned by 6pm she will be sending her partner around to collect them.

I need some advice as I've never had to deal with this before, we share the kids 50/50, my daughter is 13 so it's not like she can just be picked up and forced in the car, if she refuses to return to her mums home what will happen? If she decides she wants to stay here and see her mum outside of the home is this something a court would agree with? I'd also love to have a serious conversation about my son as he's so unhappy but I understand as he's so young his wishes may not be considered.

I'm all new to this so any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

Your daughter will soon be able to decide where she lives. No harm contacting social services and asking them to do an assessment.

I am so sorry this is happening to your children, and they shouldn’t be forced to deal with it.

What are your current custody arrangements? That will help people to answer.

The way children are so often demoted in importance as soon as their parents get a new partner is terribly sad.

If your ex or her partner try to physically move your daughter, involve the police.

Take it to court, or back to court if you already have a residency agreement. The children shouldn't have to live like this.

Hopefully you haven't also moved someone in?

How long has your ex been seeing this man? Have all the children not been introduced to each other over a long period before moving in?

assume you are in Scotland or NI if schools have broken up? In case it makes a difference on any legal points

Do you have a child arrangements order agreed through the court?

This is absolutely not okay. There should have been many months of kids getting to know each other gradually and seeing if they all got on before any suggestion of moving in was made. Your ex has put her own relationship wants above her kids wellbeing. Really shocking behaviour. I don’t know what you do about it, but you absolutely are not being unreasonable. Can you get a solicitor and go for full custody?

It says in the OP: "we share the kids 50/50"

@David850 your DD is old enough to have some input here and if she is genuinely refusing to go home, I wouldn't make her. You're under no obligation to hand the DC over to the new partner as he isn't their parent.

The new partner is nothing to your daughter. Do not let him put a hand on her. If he calls go to the door & say your daughter does not want to return.

your ex is a bully & cruel to her own children

On face value What a selfish person your ex is.
Your poor kids

This is awful, the poor kids, all of them involved.

Stick up for your children and have them come and live with you if that’s what they want. Go to court if you have to. Those poor kids have been put in an awful situation by their selfish mother and they need you to help them. Their mum will say she’s doing nothing wrong by forcing her children to be uncomfortable in her own home because ‘she deserves to move on and be happy’, but if she chooses to prioritise her boyfriend over her children, she doesn’t deserve your support.

If they want to stay with you, let them stay. I’d have them as long as they want to be there and I’d be making an emergency application to vary your current contact arrangements on Monday, so that they can live most or all of the time with you if they say they don’t want to go back to their mums.

Do NOT let your DD & DS leave with that man if your ex sends him round to ‘collect’ them.

If she does send her partner round, call the police.

Seek legal advice. Are you prepared to have both children living with you full time if it comes to it?

If your name is on the DC’s birth certificate then legally you don’t have to return them UNLESS there’s already a court arrangement in place for custody. Not even police can force you to hand them back, only a judge can.

Is there a court order currently in place?

If not, you do not have to hand the children over. Keep them for the weekend and make an application for residency next week. Your eldest is of an age their wishes are taken into account.

At 13 she can decide now, unless there is a court order which say which days she has to stay with her mum, in which case the op will have to take it to court. The courts also don’t like splitting siblings up, so if the 7yo wants to stay with his dad and sister, then there’s a good chance the op will be able to have them more

What an awful mother she is.

Time to protect your children, since she's more interested in a man than the wellbeing of her own kids.

Do not force them to go back there.
Let her take you to court.
Do not allow this man to "come and get her".
Call the police if necessary.

Take it to court and give the children an opportunity to express that they want a change in custody.

This is really sad and no doubt hard for all the children involved. I would speak to a solicitor on Monday morning as you may need a court order to help here. On the weekend research and make a list of local family law solicitors with experience of agreeing custody arrangements. How often are the new partner’s children there? Surely they see their mum?

Your poor kids, I hope you're in a situation where you can have them full time. Do they each have their own bedrooms at your house? Does anyone else live with you?

He doesn't need social services to do an assessment.

I'd go crazy if that man came to my house and demanded he took my daughter away. In fact I think you're better off staying out of the house with your kids if he comes round as your X clearly thinks he's a threat to you.

This is terrible! In my opinion your daughter should be perfectly entitled to live with you regardless of the reason but especially in this situation where she's being forced to share a room with an unrelated child. If that did happen your son should go back to having his own room at his mum's and the 11 and 12 year old siblings should share.