EX wife has moved new partner and kids in and my children are unhappy.

[David850]

I'm a dad of two children, 13 year old daughter and 7 year old son.

Two months ago my ex moved her new partner and his two children in with her, she lives in a 3 bed house so both kids are now sharing with his children, it's been a very tough two months for them and they are miserable.

My son is now sharing a room with this man's 11 year old son, my son is a big spiderman fan and his whole room was themed around this, walls, lights, posters, bedding etc but last weekend ex's new partner decorated the room, painted over the spiderman decor, took everything down, dumped my sons bed and furniture and replaced it with a bunk bed (son hates it, he's on the bottom bunk and says he feels cramped and hates that a bed is on top of him) I've been told the room is now white with a huge Xbox theme going on, apparently there is a few spiderman items remaining but my daughter has said at least 80% has been removed, and a large amount of the room is taken up by this boys gaming desk/chair and TV. My son is extremely upset, it's such a big adjustment to have this man and two kids move in but to fully change his bedroom and get rid of his stuff in his own home is unacceptable.

The daughter is 12, I belive she and my daughter are only a matter or months apart, she's so upset about this girl being moved in to her room, hers hasn't really been redecorated but her double bed has been removed and replaced with two singles and she's been forced to take half of her things off the walls and remove half of her things from her wardrobe, she's currently having to store items in boxes under her bed.

My ex is saying that the room situation was discussed with the kids and I do believe this but when the kids disagreed and said they don't want to share rooms she shut them down and said it was happening.

School has broke up today for summer and my daughter is saying she's not going back to her mums, I've asked what her main reason is and she has said that she refuses to continue to sleep in the same room as a stranger and she feels uncomfortable, I have discussed this with my ex and said i will keep her with me for the weekend and she's said that if they are not returned by 6pm she will be sending her partner around to collect them.

I need some advice as I've never had to deal with this before, we share the kids 50/50, my daughter is 13 so it's not like she can just be picked up and forced in the car, if she refuses to return to her mums home what will happen? If she decides she wants to stay here and see her mum outside of the home is this something a court would agree with? I'd also love to have a serious conversation about my son as he's so unhappy but I understand as he's so young his wishes may not be considered.

I'm all new to this so any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

Clearly your idea of being treated badly is very different to mine and most posters to this thread. I personally think it’s appalling.

Agree. I think the mother is an absolute disgrace but hey some people are so desperate for a bloke that nothing else matters.

Feel sorry for any kids who have such selfish parents

Are you for real, not badly treated so why take away the little boy Spiderman toys etc from his bedroom to have to share it with an older stranger, same the daughter does not feel comfortable with a stranger sharing and a man coming into her bedroom. The mother could have easily seen her bf when the children are with the father but she has chosen to put her wishes before her children, totally selfish

I think the ex is housing not just a cocklodger, but kidlodgers (through no fault of their own, I hasten to add). If they really want to live together as a blended family, they would need to find a place to live in with enough bedrooms for all of the children to have one of their own first, without riding roughshod over the ex’s wishes as to sharing bedrooms.

I’m sorry you’ve gone through this! How bloody awful! 😞

Clearly your idea of being treated badly is very different to mine and most posters to this thread. I personally think it’s appalling.

Eye-opening though, isn't it? Getting first-hand insight into the mindset of those who see nothing wrong with introducing their children to a new man asap.

@David850 that sounds awful for your son, they had no right to take away his spider man gifts, there was no need to take his bedding. Why does the partners sons decor choice come first. Your daughter is old enough to decide where she lives. Your ex seems to be thinking about herself and not the needs of her children. Hope you get this sorted. Your poor kids.

Yep. And expecting young kids to give up their privacy to share with other kids they barely know so just mummy gets a regular shag.

Shockingly selfish and irresponsible parenting. And it’s the poor kids who suffer usually having more step fathers than Harvey Price by the time they’re 18

I agree. My relationship with my DM never recovered as she put them first. Those ‘kids’/adults don’t see her now as their father died 5 years ago. She is desperate to reconnect with me but it is too late, I know all she wants is a carer and someone to help pay her bills.
My DB cut all contact with her 30 years ago when he finished university.

Listen to your kids @David850 they want someone to put them first.

Hard to believe that a mother would allow her childs special bedroom be destroyed for a stranger she is moving in.
MN really is a parallel universe.

"Cock before kids" is increasingly how MN seems to be.

Poor children do not have any chance.

These men know EXACTLY who to target.
Women who are so desperate for a man they will sacrifice, and do, their children's childhood.

Heartbreaking.

again, read the thread. He isn’t keeping his new partner away from his kids, they have just agreed that any contact with the children is away from their home so they don’t feel like dads new girlfriend is invading their safe space. I’m guessing you are someone who thinks it’s ok to prioritise your personal life over your children. 11 months is absolutely nothing in relationship time and certainly far to soon to be moving in with someone when children are involved.

How on earth do you justify moving a new man and 2 new children into a home when they children barely know the man and his children? How do you justify taking a child’s bedroom that has been decorated specifically for him by his dad who spent a fortune on specific decor and painting over the walls and removing everything the child loves right down to the bedding without the child’s knowledge or concent? How do you justify moving a strange child 4 years older into another child’s room? How do you justify taking up a huge part of the room to put a gaming station in a 7yos room? I’m also guessing the games are completely inappropriate for the 7yo, how do you justify that?

Then we have the older children, how can you justify removing a preteens privacy from her? How do you justify a strange man entering her room every night when she is vulnerable in her pjs and bed? And again all the same questions as I’ve previously asked…

It really dosnt matter what the mums side is, there is absolutely no justification for moving a man and his children in to your house and not caring about your children’s privacy and wellbeing. Both the mum and new bf are selfish for putting their needs before the children’s.

I think you are missing the point entirely. Why do they have to accept the situation? Why do they have to share their bedrooms? Why did the mother remove all her sons belongings?

I dont see any valid, rational reason behind any of it.
If they were both so keen to be a blended family they should have saved up and got a bigger home. Alternatively they should give up their own bedroom and make the two newcomers share a room. The children that were already residing there shouldn't have to have their lives and home turned upside down because of the mothers poor choices.

This - totally agree

No one would be allowed into my daughter’s home and treat her like that. And she certainly would not be made to share a bedroom

There are plenty of people
I have met a handful of times over the last year or so who appear perfectly pleasant but that doesn’t mean I’d be happy about them moving in with me and sharing my bedroom.
Why is it deemed OK by some to expect kids to be cool with it?

100% behind you, not a chance in the world I'd have pushed my children to return with the mom's new boyfriend when they have said they don't want to go. As for her 'sending him' to get them, it's just laughable; he'd have been shown the door.

As for these new arrangements, it's a tough one; it was probably on the cards at some point, and it does sound like your boy has been upended more to accommodate his new roommate. This is where mom should be fighting on her son's side. I can't imagine many kids who've had a bedroom to themselves and the luxuries that come with it would be happy about having to give up half of it.

When we had a baby, she stayed in our room for the first 12 months and then we moved house to ensure that both SD and DD had their own space. And they were actually related.

If we really couldn't have afforded to move, then we'd have got bunk beds and made some extra space for DD's thing, but what we definitely would not have done is rip down all SD's decor and replace it with Peppa Pig, because the CHILD THAT WAS THERE FIRST takes priority when it comes to another child moving into their bedroom.

However, 2 families with kids joining together and combining finances means they could definitely have afforded to move into a 4 bed. 5s are hard to find, but splitting the master in half with a screen for either the boys or the girls and letting them have their own decor on their side and the parents going in the smallest room would be preferable to squeezing 4 children into 2 rooms whilst the parents live in the biggest room.

Wondering how last night went OP?

I think you need to give it some time. It will take time for everyone to adjust to the new arrangements. I wouldn’t involve courts and go down that road as your ex could make things very difficult for you and it seems like she is trying her best by purchasing the bunk beds and the single beds. You just need to stay level headed and see how the kids feel in the next few months.

This!

If the children are not happy sharing, then the adults should not have moved in together. And it doesn’t sound like it was done fairly either, not for your son anyway.

That’s a massive adjustment! Personally a move to a bigger house, if at all, would have been more appropriate.

Is the new partner controlling? How much does he have his children? Is it 50/50 too?

Nope. The adjustment time is before they move in.
This bloke has moved in and thrown away DCs belongings- this is not okay.

Agreed with PP who think that it’s okay because it’s children but we wouldn’t be happy with this stuff as adults. I’ve colleagues for decades, don’t want to share a bedroom with them. Children deserve privacy too. Obviously it’s different within a normal biological family. Suddenly moving strangers in is very different.

Purchasing a bed for everyone isn't trying your best, it's a pretty shitty minimum.

Another apologist for shit parenting. They bought me a bed is like they took us to stately homes.

Some posters are ridiculous "give it time, your ex bought beds etc well done", what about getting rid of a little boy possessions which his Dad had bought him, rid up to his bedding. He must feel like a second class citizen in his mother's house , the bf action is abusive and your ex let it happened, totally shameful behaviour on her part. As other posters have said don't force the children to return to her, let her sue you and she can explain to the court her actions

What a depressing read. How are things now op, sounds like an absolute nightmare!