DDs "trans phase" ending?

[Thismightbeouting]

Dd14 has always been stereotypically masculine. Its just a look she likes. No problem.

She hates her birth name so goes by a ridiculous name instead (think Spite or Quasar or Moth etc). Whatever but I do cringe when I speak to the school.

Social contagion at her school is awful so she was very quickly TOLD by her classmates she was trans. For a couple of years she found it funny.

She is a very young looking and quite niave 14 year old but despite that, someone at Pride sold her chest binders 😤. I found one and she eventually told me she was trans. Obviously I gave her a huge hug, told her I loved her and she could talk to me etc but otherwise went down the "that's nice dear" route. I explained the problems with chest binders (which obviously the person at Pride didnt😤) and with her consent I replaced the chest binders with strong hold sports bras. She wasnt ecstatic but was happy enough.

That was last year. Since then shes decided she hates me. If we go a day without her accusing me of something or telling me shes moving out in 4 years and wont ever speak to me again, we're doing well. So needless, to say, we havent talked about the trans thing (or anything else 😪).

Last night someone called her "they". I asked her about it and after being told I dont care about her and it doesnt matter because shes moving out in 4 years, she told me that she thinks she is "gender fluid", not trans but hasn't decided yet (decided?).

I just said ok, that she doesnt need to label herself and that I love her.

She went on to say that she is changing her name again. This time she wants a "professional female name" that has a masculine shortened version. Her current favourite is Nicola / Nick. She said its my fault because she hates her birth name. I just said make sure its a proper name this time and we laughed.

So, do you think she seems to be coming through the other side of the trans nonsense? I think all signs point to yes? Quiety optimistic bit not counting my chickens yet.

This is bullshit.

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

She's flip flopping. She feels should put on a performance. She's trying to work out what kind of performance. She lacks the confidence to just be herself and thats ok.

She will come out the other side. The rate of desistance is very high.

Glad they ignored your report.

It's called free speech.

FFS get a grip on this bollocks. Are you a friend of the teen concerned by any chance? A lot of this rubbish is like a cult being fed to young people when they are still exploring who they are. They don't need this shit at any time but more so when they are impressionable.
Op is doing the right thing being there for her d as she should be.
Teens brains aren't fully wired at this stage of their lives and they will trot out all sorts of rubbish, She is being typical that she hates mum, the world and everyone in it.
She might well leave home when she is 18 but then there are plenty of young people who would like to. Until they realise the cost of housing, bills and general life expenses. Especially if they aren't working in a high paid job, very unlikely at 18.
Respect the name, but hang onto the fact that this is one of many phases that teens go through and most come out the other side. In time to come, will probably laugh at themselves and say what the fuck was I thinking?
Been there done that with myself and a d.

Erm, what?

I think we should challenge that poster to provide a sensible explanation (including proper meaningful definitions and logic) of trans ideology to back their claims.

FFS. Thank goodness MN did ignore it. There is too much shit being fed to young people nowadays through social media as it is.
It IS nonsense and hopefully will go the way of most trends and totally fuck off until the next load of shit turns up.
You are entitled to your opinion but so is everyone else. The majority of sane people know that you can't not change your biological sex.

I actually think your post is quite deserving of the 'trans nonsense' title. Hyperbolic, petty, snide.

I made my comment in full expectation to get the sort of responses I have on this website. I am friends with multiple non-binary and trans people (adults who have been in that "phase" for 15+ years) who I respect and listen to. I suggest you should try that sometime, not that any of you will ofc.

I stand by my comment.

Because she’s 14.

Thank you. I only needed some kind of variation of "I have loads of trans friends" with the associated assumption that you are the only person who knows anyone trans, to complete my bingo card.

It is notable that the majority of comments on this thread is full of love and support for the op. That there is sensible advice and encouragement.

Apart from two posters. Who seem intent on scolding us women for the advice and support being given.

Says it all in my opinion.

Honestly, I'd be drawing up a list of possible names that fit her description. You are supporting your child, they feel supported and the bonus is they are no longer called Moth (or other version). Wins all around.
I think what you have said makes sense: no need to make a decision and have a label, just be you. Lovely message.
Just be careful about the coming out of a 'phase' comment as that can be seen negatively, it isn't a phase for some. Today's generation are just more aware and question these things, it's good that your child questions and is strong of mind to lead their own path (one day it'swork in their benefit instead of just making your day tricky haha!). Being a teen is horrible really, and in today's age i think there a lot of challenges to overcome that we never faced.

So called 'allies' who do nothing but scold and try and drive a wedge and emotionally blackmail parents in a coercive manner to affirm only show themselves up.

They are ghoulish abusers who don't care about the best interests of that person - particularly if they are a child.

It happens over and over.

I have noticed it more and more and made a point of supporting parents and other relatives in this crazy dynamic.

Always look at behaviour NOT identity.

People virtue signally only care about their identity as an ally and their image. They do NOT care about those they claim to care about.

Once you see it, you can't unsee it.

Some people will hang onto this ideas all their lives, that's their choice.
Just as I still wear band t shirts from 35 years ago.and have bright blue hair It's no big deal, I don't feel the need to broadcast the fact I'm straight either.
Opnions are open to all it's a free country to speak out.

Grow up.

OP - you’ve been doing the right things.

Of course you did

Of course you are

Of course you do

and of course you don’t explain why you think the OP deserves your utterly appalling comment.

You know that song from the Lego movie 'everything is awesome', TRAs should adopt it and adapt it to 'everything is transphobic'. It's on that level.

You think you are the ONLY person on this thread who is friends with and knows multiple non-binary and trans people.

Newsflash: you are not.

Anyone else finding that the words “transphobic” and “transphobe” are starting to sound very silly indeed these days, especially when they come as a flounce?

”Meanie parent on a meanie forum full of meanies, yah boo sucks to you!”

I'm not replying anymore on this thread because obviously it's pointless on a site like this and a complete waste of my time. But don't worry I'll probably read all the responses at some point and have a laugh.

What is transphobia?

😂😂😂😂😂

4/10

very poor effort at a drive by scolding. Off to Reddit with you.

FWIW: two people in my circle have daughters who identified themselves as "trans".

Both have been in this state for 2-3 years. Over that period of time the parents have played it pretty much as you have with the "that's nice dear" approach, accepting what the child tells them about their identity with minimal drama but guardedly warning them of the risks of puberty blockers and that whole shit-show.

Both kids have significantly walked back their position on this in the past year or so. One who had changed her name to a boy's name and was asking her GP for puberty blockers is now saying she isn't interested in transitioning and just wants to be identified as a boy but in a girl's body (though so far s/he has kept the boy's name). The mum told me recently that s/he had voluntarily filled in university application forms with her "female "birth name.

The other still identifies as "trans" but has kept her female name and to all intents and purposes still presents as a girl, albeit one with a masculine style and dress sense.

This is obviously anecdata and an n of 2 but I do get the sense that this has become less of an appealing fashion statement for this generation. Some of the public discourse may have made it through, maybe they've just moved onto the next thing, whatever that may be.

I think there will continue to be children for whom gender dysmorphia makes their life a prison and in very extreme circumstances there will remain a place for them to be helped to fully transition but I think a lot of the marginal "trendiness" around it has subsided as the penny has dropped about what a radical and potentially harmful journey they are embarking on.

Obviously I can't tell what will happen to your DD but I think there's every chance she will come to the same conclusion.

Yes. That really does sum it up. Parents, listening to their children (who they know), offering them space. Actually acknowledging that life can be full of complexity, but ultimately they love their children. It really is just an ideological playground and one big 'laugh' to people like you.