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AIBU?

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Original poster

To no longer attend Wedding’s when only invited to the evening

262 replies

TeriBW · 26/06/2025 22:02

Anyone else not a fan? Everyone is slaughtered on arrival, it’s often ‘picky’ food so nothing substantial and it’s hard to get more than a quick hello with the happy couple…

OP posts:
namechangealerttt · 27/06/2025 02:02

Not unreasonable and I think it is a very British thing with it's history of being classist and it is letting friends and family know where they 'rank' in your life. I am originally from Australia and never experienced it before.

I was once invited to a wedding, the 'friend' was from an NCT mothers group, and all the NCT group were evening guests, our kids were all still young so we all had to arrange babysitters. The 'day' ran over to the evening, we were locked outside for about 90 minutes and could hear the day guests reacting to speeches inside.

Another time we received a save the date about 6 months in advance from a second cousin so assumed it was to the whole event, and I knew I would have an 8 week old baby. so we booked accommodation etc in advance, only to find out we were part of half the family that only received evening invites and it would be a paid bar.

Cattenberg · 27/06/2025 02:08

The 'day' ran over to the evening, we were locked outside for about 90 minutes and could hear the day guests reacting to speeches inside.

I think I'd have either gone home, or gone to the pub!

namechangealerttt · 27/06/2025 02:12

Cattenberg · 27/06/2025 02:08

The 'day' ran over to the evening, we were locked outside for about 90 minutes and could hear the day guests reacting to speeches inside.

I think I'd have either gone home, or gone to the pub!

As a group of parents with very young children that didn't often get nights out, we were all ready for a good time, so when we were 'allowed' in we hit the bar and the dance floor, all the other guests were somewhat worn out by that stage, and it pissed off the bride and groom that we entered with with such gusto 😂

Tobacco · 27/06/2025 02:22

namechangealerttt · 27/06/2025 02:02

Not unreasonable and I think it is a very British thing with it's history of being classist and it is letting friends and family know where they 'rank' in your life. I am originally from Australia and never experienced it before.

I was once invited to a wedding, the 'friend' was from an NCT mothers group, and all the NCT group were evening guests, our kids were all still young so we all had to arrange babysitters. The 'day' ran over to the evening, we were locked outside for about 90 minutes and could hear the day guests reacting to speeches inside.

Another time we received a save the date about 6 months in advance from a second cousin so assumed it was to the whole event, and I knew I would have an 8 week old baby. so we booked accommodation etc in advance, only to find out we were part of half the family that only received evening invites and it would be a paid bar.

I was invited to the ceremony only by a South African couple. I was quite happy to go. I knew I wasn't their family or close friend. Didn't occur to me to be offended they had "ranked" me or that they were "classist" or to accuse them of being "very South African." They could only afford a small reception. So what?

Cattenberg · 27/06/2025 02:28

CircuitMaze · 26/06/2025 22:16

I had a church ceremony-only wedding invitation from my aunt which I thought was very odd given we got on so well, and she’d been at my whole wedding a year earlier. It would have been 7-hour round trip to attend it so I politely declined citing childcare issues and she’s never spoken to me since.

There was definitely a reception afterwards and other family were invited (saw all the Facebook photos), but 3 of us all got ceremony-only. I’ve heard of evening only but never ceremony-only (and as it was in a church I think legally anyone can attend).

My DSis and I were once invited to our cousin's wedding ceremony, but not to the reception, even though we'd been invited to the engagement party. We didn't even get an invitation as such - my aunt just said we could come to the first part. I think she was miffed we'd been excluded as her husband's nieces had been invited to the whole thing, so she brokered a compromise. We declined as it was a fair distance away and we didn't feel very welcome.

Our parents went and said it wasn't the most enjoyable of receptions. DM found her meal inedible and afterwards there was no music or dancing, just an unusually large number of speeches. Apparently, the speeches weren't bad, but you can have too much of a good thing.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 27/06/2025 03:08

I treat it like any other invitation and make a decision based on whether I can go and whether I actually want to. The latter depends on all sorts of things: who, where, who else is going, the cost, what else I have on that week, any stupid rules about what I have to wear.

What I don't do is get all uptight about being on an A or B list, and I couldn't care less if there's food provided or what it is. Because the food is invariably shit and I will just sort myself out before or after.

MayaPinion · 27/06/2025 03:45

The evening do is the only good bit of a wedding, and I include my own in that. I’d go if it was local, on a weekend night, and my friends were going. I wouldn’t travel or stay over. It’s a low effort invite and requires a low effort response. If there’s a few of you make a night of it. Go out for dinner or a few drinks first and then go for a dance.

Rayqueen · 27/06/2025 04:40

Tbh evening do is fine for me past all the boring stuff lol and a night away with hubby to

spoonbillstretford · 27/06/2025 04:47

We only ever had one invitation that was evening only and didn't go as it was too far just for an evening and DD1 was tiny also.

Initially we were going to invite colleagues evening only to ours, but it was only about 5 people and the timings didn't work given the wedding was at 3pm, so we just invited them for the whole thing.

Cominghomesoon · 27/06/2025 04:51

Have gone to 2 evening only weddings - never again, DH insisted our normal gift money (£100!). They were both his work colleagues. Still annoyed by it after several years 🙄.

spoonbillstretford · 27/06/2025 04:53

pikkumyy77 · 27/06/2025 01:16

See: I don’t get that. Either have everyone or have a smaller event.

Show quote history

This. And I'd rather spend the money than have someone waiting outside while the day bit ran over, what a horrible faux pas.

Gumbo · 27/06/2025 05:04

Yanbu, I think it's a weird British thing which makes no sense to me. Where I grew up everyone was invited to the actual ceremony (ie. the bit that actually matters), then a smaller subset of closer family and friends were invited to the reception. There were no other events.

Having a specific event for some people to join in, many hours after the ceremony (not sure where you're supposed to go in the interim?) to show that you're not important enough for the main reception is quite odd.

Morgenrot25 · 27/06/2025 05:08

I am at the stage where I'll only really consider attending the weddings of folk I'm actually quite close to, having been to quite a few over the years! I've never really understood the point of evening only, tbh.

Morgenrot25 · 27/06/2025 05:12

Cattenberg · 27/06/2025 02:08

The 'day' ran over to the evening, we were locked outside for about 90 minutes and could hear the day guests reacting to speeches inside.

I think I'd have either gone home, or gone to the pub!

We arrived at a wedding where this happened too, and were made to feel very uncomfortable. We left our gift, which they never actually thanked us for, and went home (declining the offer to wait at someone's house for at least an hour until they 'were ready for us'). Felt bad we'd dragged our young child out for nothing (he was invited). A single friend did the same. We felt very unwelcome.

PulchritudinousLycanthrope · 27/06/2025 05:37

TeriBW · 26/06/2025 22:02

Anyone else not a fan? Everyone is slaughtered on arrival, it’s often ‘picky’ food so nothing substantial and it’s hard to get more than a quick hello with the happy couple…

Honestly, this has to be the saddest thing I've ever seen on here.

Stay at home then. You sound like you would prefer it if people stopped inviting you to things. Tell them this. It will save them a card and a stamp.

Fitasafiddle1 · 27/06/2025 05:38

I have always quietly considered it to be rude. I have the mentality of all or nothing too op. Evening only has always felt like half an invite to me.

NetZeroZealot · 27/06/2025 05:43

It entirely depends on the distance involved and my relationship with the couple.
i was very pleased to be invited to a work colleague’s evening do in the next town.
But we didn’t bother with DH’s 2nd cousin 4 hours away.

Fitasafiddle1 · 27/06/2025 05:44

Cattenberg · 27/06/2025 02:08

The 'day' ran over to the evening, we were locked outside for about 90 minutes and could hear the day guests reacting to speeches inside.

I think I'd have either gone home, or gone to the pub!

It’s absolutely shocking and so rude to leave your own guests waiting. Staggeringly ooor form! Nothing ceases to amaze me when it comes to weddings. The cf entitlement is off the scale. I hope you kept the receipt for the wedding gift!

captainflash · 27/06/2025 05:46

Currently planning my wedding too. It’s an odd one but I hadn’t even considered it being ‘two-tier’. It’s my second wedding and the ceremony and main reception is literally around 30 people. Our children, parents, siblings and my best friend & family, his best friend. We wanted intimate. We’re then going for afternoon tea as that group.

Then, we will move the the evening venue where we’ve invited around 60 more. This starts around 6, we’ll arrive at same time (no waiting outside!) and it’s in the town we live in. We can walk home! We’ll do speeches and first dance there, cake, all manner of fun and food. People have been delighted with that invite (to my face at least!) No-one has turned us down as they accept our choice and care about us….

ShesTheAlbatross · 27/06/2025 05:47

I only go to ones that are close enough that I don’t need to book a hotel. A more casual acquaintance and just an evening do isn’t worth the cost of the hotel for me.

But I have no issue with the idea of evening only guests.

Viviennemary · 27/06/2025 05:49

I think it's quite useful for folk like work colleagues who probably wouldn't want to go to the whole day unless they are a special friend.

CoffeeCantata · 27/06/2025 05:58

Allseeingallknowing · 26/06/2025 22:05

Bit churlish, isn’t it? Weddings are so expensive. The happy couple often can’t afford for everyone to attend the reception.

That might be because weddings are so crazy now. I know a woman (daughter of a titled mum) who had her reception in the local school hall so she could invite everyone she wanted. Her priority was to share the day with those she cared about, not the instagram-ability of the event afterwards.

Good for her!

whynotmereally · 27/06/2025 05:58

It depends I would go to a local evening do or drive/taxi to one a short drive away. I wouldn’t pay for a hotel or any big expenses though.

Bulldog01 · 27/06/2025 06:09

We were invited to one of our nieces wedding,but only reception.The venue was over 150 miles away.We did have food,which was average.The venue was large,but had so many guests,we could hardly move.Niece did not even introduce us to the Groom.This year,the sister invited us to the wedding reception.We declined.Previously Weddings included all relatives aged 0-100.Old fashioned,but inclusive.I am a all or nothing person,if I am invited to half the event, then i would think they won't mind if we decline?

LillyPJ · 27/06/2025 06:28

I don't like weddings (or any big, dressing-up occasion) so I'm happy not to go to either.