Page 10 | To no longer attend Wedding’s when only invited to the evening

TeriBW · 2025-06-26T21:02:43+00:00

Anyone else not a fan? Everyone is slaughtered on arrival, it’s often ‘picky’ food so nothing substantial and it’s hard to get more than a quick hello with the happy couple…

SALaw · 27/06/2025 09:32

Londonrach1 · 26/06/2025 22:07

Yanbu. Only been once to the evening part...no food or drink provided. Didn't see the bride much as they were having photos.

That’s not what the evening part of weddings is typically like at all

CopperCave · 27/06/2025 09:38

I really enjoy them if they are local and I know plenty of people there. In the last few years I've been to a colleague's, 2 x DH's pub friends, and someone from book club. Really like all of these people but we are not independent friends (i.e. never meet up one to one) - much prefer to go to the evening do only for these. I would probably turn down a full day invitation tbh.

I would not travel and stay overnight for an evening reception only invitation though. They have to be local.

C8H10N4O2 · 27/06/2025 09:39

AliasGrape · 27/06/2025 07:26

This is another one of those things I only see on mumsnet.

Im mid 40s with a huge extended family, plus obviously friends and worked in lots of places - i.e. been invited to a lot of weddings, some years there seemed to be one every weekend of the summer. And in almost all of them there were separate evening guests - it’s not a new thing, this is going back decades. The exceptions were the few destination weddings.

Same as how the overwhelming majority were close family/ bridal party children only.
I’ve also only ever been to one with a completely open bar (yes that couple were much posher than the rest of us!)

We invited some people separately to the evening, we ensured they got a couple of drinks each and were well fed. Obviously only people who lived locally too. If they were offended they didn’t show it - but then for the majority of them I’d been an evening guest to their wedding so it would have been a bit hypocritical.

I’ve never taken offence at an evening invite and never been shocked like ‘I thought I was day invite worthy!’.

Plus the ‘just have a cheaper wedding and invite everyone’ - I don’t know what these mythical cheap as chips wedding venues where you can have hundreds of guests for the same price as a few extra evening invites. We actually looked at all the church and village hall type weddings and they worked out a lot more than we ended up paying in a nice venue (still a pub though!). But the maximum capacity for the day was 75 - apparently we should have given up a venue we loved, was affordable, local for most guests and provided amazing food and pub rather than hotel prices for drinks - for what? A leisure centre maybe? The local harvester? Bet you they would have worked out pretty pricey in the end, there really is no ‘cheap option’ unless you have no guests at all.

Indeed, most venues will have limits on numbers, most wedding cohorts split into two. The family will often include older members and travellers not wanting to stay into the evening and the evening tends to be more of a dance party.

I see an invite to a wedding as a privilege. Its an opportunity to share the most important day in a couple’s life whether it be at the “main” reception, the evening reception or both. With registry offices often being small and the ludicrous cost of weddings I’ve seen quite a few where the registry/lunch was immediate family only and the evening do was the main celebration.

I know perfectly well that I’m not the most important person in some of my young colleagues’ or DC friends’ lives, I’m happy that they made a way to include me. I’ve never been to a wedding where evening guests were not well catered for food and drink wise even if the bar wasn’t free all evening.

I agree its only on MN that I see people taking offence at wedding invites.

RanyaJerodung · 27/06/2025 09:39

HairsprayBabe · 27/06/2025 09:31

@RanyaJerodung yeah you do if you think you need to "pay" for your place at a wedding with a gift - else it's cheeky.

I don't count pennies for attending friends birthdays, weddings, christening and baby showers even though we are totally skint most of the time because I'm not a miserly git.

If you don't like evening dos then don't go, but you aren't special and no one HAS to invite you to any part of their wedding.

You were rude. I was being flippant about the cheeky part, hence the emoji.
I would not judge a person's relationships based on one post, which I now very much regret as it was completely misconstrued.
Plus, I never said I didn't go to evening dos, so who knows why you think any of these comments apply to me.

CasperGutman · 27/06/2025 09:40

Meh. It's an invitation to a party. Go if you want to, or don't go if you prefer not to. 🤷‍♂️

HairsprayBabe · 27/06/2025 09:44

@RanyaJerodung ok I'm rude whatever

sophiasnail · 27/06/2025 09:45

I don't mind being invited to the evening do if it is a colleague or someone I know through a group hobby. I wouldn't travel very far or cancel something else, but I think its nice to be invited.

RampantIvy · 27/06/2025 09:57

CopperCave · 27/06/2025 09:38

I really enjoy them if they are local and I know plenty of people there. In the last few years I've been to a colleague's, 2 x DH's pub friends, and someone from book club. Really like all of these people but we are not independent friends (i.e. never meet up one to one) - much prefer to go to the evening do only for these. I would probably turn down a full day invitation tbh.

I would not travel and stay overnight for an evening reception only invitation though. They have to be local.

I think this sums it up very well. Nearly all the evening dos I have been to were work colleagues where I wouldn't have expected a day invite and where I knew lots of people.

thing47 · 27/06/2025 11:14

I'm not remotely offended by an evening only invitation, but I do tend to view them in a different light. To me, that's an invitation to a party (youre not seeing the wedding service, whatever form that takes, or the couple actually get married, or the reception, eating the food, listening to the speeches, the photos etc), so I would view it in the same way I would any other party invitation.

if I would normally accept a birthday party invitation from the same people, I would go, but if not, I probably wouldn't bother. I'd be unlikely to change any existing plans for it. A simple ' thank you very much for the invitation, but I'm afraid I can't that weekend' is.fine.

Cattenberg · 27/06/2025 11:58

ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan · 27/06/2025 07:17

I was invited to the evening do of a destination wedding! Wtf! I'm not wasting time and money just to attend the evening part of a wedding abroad. Some people need to get over themselves, they're really not that important for me to waste my annual leave on.

The couple were really pissed off that a lot of people declined the invitation, completely self absorbed pair of twats.

Edited

😂😂😂

I would have declined this one too.

Cherrytree86 · 27/06/2025 12:15

In wonder if those who have an issue with it are the same people who rarely ever socialise in the evening much preferring to be tucked up at home with a blanket “just me and my little family”?

Cherrytree86 · 27/06/2025 12:17

ayepecking · 27/06/2025 07:11

I agree OP. If you are not good enough for the whole wedding...don't go at all.

@ayepecking

every single person in your life - are you equally close to them? Surely there are some you have more of a bond with than others? More shared history etc with some than others? That’s normal so no issue with some being invited to full do and some evening, it’s not about not being good enough.

Cherrytree86 · 27/06/2025 12:19

PulchritudinousLycanthrope · 27/06/2025 05:37

Honestly, this has to be the saddest thing I've ever seen on here.

Stay at home then. You sound like you would prefer it if people stopped inviting you to things. Tell them this. It will save them a card and a stamp.

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@TeriBW

it not about the food!! The food really isn’t important at such things

MrsJoanDanvers · 27/06/2025 12:22

I went to a ‘big’ wedding. No expense spared. Ceremony adorable but lots of waiting around in the heat, and because of huge numbers the delicious wedding breakfast took ages but the evening party was an absolute blast. One of the best parties I’ve been to. So I kind of prefer the evenings.

PulchritudinousLycanthrope · 27/06/2025 12:24

Cherrytree86 · 27/06/2025 12:19

@TeriBW

it not about the food!! The food really isn’t important at such things

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I never mentioned the food. You don't have to eat the food or go at all. I would rather be invited to an evening do than not be invited at all.

Weddings aren't like they used to be years ago. You could hire a hall and have 100 people sit down to a simple meal and everyone would love it but now, unless the whole lot costs 30k and more, people turn their noses up.

Sad.

MaturingCheeseball · 27/06/2025 12:26

A nice party/disco in the evening with buffet - great.

But… and I have trotted this tale out on MN several times (!) - years ago dh and I were invited to evening reception of an old schoolfriend of dh’s. We drove 2.5 hours and when we arrived - at the appointed time - the day reception was still in progress with people seated at tables and we had to sit and wait in the foyer. We were there ages and it gradually dawned on us that no other extras were joining us - we were the only evening guests . A member of staff told us there was no evening food. This was all too humiliating so we left and drove home - with the present. Dh never spoke to said friend again.

HRTQueen · 27/06/2025 12:29

If having to travel miles and arrange accommodation i can understand that this will be too much for some for various reasons

but its a bit mean not to go just because you feel you should have been invited for the whole day. Weddings are costly and for many the ceremony they only want those very close to them to share this moment

Cherrytree86 · 27/06/2025 12:30

PulchritudinousLycanthrope · 27/06/2025 12:24

I never mentioned the food. You don't have to eat the food or go at all. I would rather be invited to an evening do than not be invited at all.

Weddings aren't like they used to be years ago. You could hire a hall and have 100 people sit down to a simple meal and everyone would love it but now, unless the whole lot costs 30k and more, people turn their noses up.

Sad.

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@PulchritudinousLycanthrope

I know!

my post was in reference to @TeriBW who complained that the food was often inadequate at evening dos. Like you, I feel it’s sad someone would decline on such a basis.

RanyaJerodung · 27/06/2025 12:33

Cattenberg · 27/06/2025 11:58

😂😂😂

I would have declined this one too.

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Yes, invitation to the evening part of a destination wedding is a bit much!

RanyaJerodung · 27/06/2025 12:34

MaturingCheeseball · 27/06/2025 12:26

A nice party/disco in the evening with buffet - great.

But… and I have trotted this tale out on MN several times (!) - years ago dh and I were invited to evening reception of an old schoolfriend of dh’s. We drove 2.5 hours and when we arrived - at the appointed time - the day reception was still in progress with people seated at tables and we had to sit and wait in the foyer. We were there ages and it gradually dawned on us that no other extras were joining us - we were the only evening guests . A member of staff told us there was no evening food. This was all too humiliating so we left and drove home - with the present. Dh never spoke to said friend again.

Oh my god! That's awful! Did you ever get any kind of reason?. (Apart from the fact they're ill mannered!)

RanyaJerodung · 27/06/2025 12:37

PulchritudinousLycanthrope · 27/06/2025 12:24

I never mentioned the food. You don't have to eat the food or go at all. I would rather be invited to an evening do than not be invited at all.

Weddings aren't like they used to be years ago. You could hire a hall and have 100 people sit down to a simple meal and everyone would love it but now, unless the whole lot costs 30k and more, people turn their noses up.

Sad.

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Do you think people turn their noses up at budget weddings? That's sad, isn't it.
I went to one a couple of years ago where the reception was held in their (modest) back garden, and all the food prepared by the bride, her mum and grandma. Proper budget do, but great, and a lot of fun.

RanyaJerodung · 27/06/2025 12:38

Cherrytree86 · 27/06/2025 12:19

@TeriBW

it not about the food!! The food really isn’t important at such things

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Yes, the food can vary, but it's not the point. Enjoy the hospitality...

burnoutbabe · 27/06/2025 12:47

But if there is no food at an evening do then what is the hospitality? There is usually never a welcome drink.

you attend the evening do, taking a card and usually something small as a gift (£20 voucher say) and then pay for drinks, no food offered.

PulchritudinousLycanthrope · 27/06/2025 13:06

RanyaJerodung · 27/06/2025 12:37

Do you think people turn their noses up at budget weddings? That's sad, isn't it.
I went to one a couple of years ago where the reception was held in their (modest) back garden, and all the food prepared by the bride, her mum and grandma. Proper budget do, but great, and a lot of fun.

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No, I think it's sad that people are turning their noses up at an evening invitation.

It's nice to be invited.

SparrowFeet · 27/06/2025 13:06

I'm never offended about being invited to the evening do only. I just wouldn't go because usually the relationship with the bride and groom isn't strong enough for me to feel like I'd offend them either by not going.

To me it's just like being invited to an evening out and I can choose to say yes or no depending on whether I think I'll enjoy it. Therefore it's usually a no!