Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To no longer attend Wedding’s when only invited to the evening

262 replies

TeriBW · 26/06/2025 22:02

Anyone else not a fan? Everyone is slaughtered on arrival, it’s often ‘picky’ food so nothing substantial and it’s hard to get more than a quick hello with the happy couple…

OP posts:
ToClimb · 27/06/2025 06:32

I wet to one recently, it was exactly as OP described, drunk guests already, hardly any food, miles from home and cost me £50 on a gift, on top of travel and hotel. Hardly saw the happy couple. Was all a bit shit.

xSideshowAuntSallyXx · 27/06/2025 06:35

We didn't have evening guests, we had a few friends who couldn't make the whole day so they turned up in the evening. As far as I was concerned, if I liked you enough to invite you to my wedding I liked you enough to invite you to the whole thing.

I remember being invited to the evening only and also being given the wedding gift list. Turns out we were the only ones only invited to the evening out of all the people we knew who got invited. She was my bridesmaid as well! Needless to say we didn't go. Although as my cat actually died the following week I don't feel any form of guilt.

Nomorelabubus · 27/06/2025 06:39

It depends who it is. My sister got married a few months ago in a registry office with family and a few close friends. Work colleagues and other friends all came to the reception. If I was only invited to the evening do for the wedding of a very good friend or close family member I'd feel excluded but I think the situation I described above is fine. Her work colleagues and friends of friends didn't expect to be invited to the service itself, some stayed ages at the party and some just stayed an hour to show their face.

Littlebitoflove1234 · 27/06/2025 06:40

I went to an evening only invite once, it was over an hours drive away. Got there on time. The day part overran by about an hour, me
and my husband stood in the garden of the grounds waiting. I’m quite sure we were the only evening only guest as so other extra guests turned up the hour that we waited. Once we were allowed in we stuck
around for an hour and left, as I felt like a pity invite.

BarBellBarbie · 27/06/2025 06:42

I loved it when I was young, basically just going to the party bit of the wedding, fantastic. Haven't been invited to what we in Ireland call 'the afters' in years, think I'm too old! But might still go depending on how I feel. Don't find it insulting, just a recognition that weddings are very expensive and people have to limit numbers below who they'd like to be there.

Soontobe60 · 27/06/2025 06:44

The thing is for all of the YANBU brigade, the wedding isn’t all about you! Most wedding venues are able to seat a set number of guests during the day but then can hold many more for the evening when all the big tables are rearranged. So if you invite, say, the maximum for the venue of 80 for the day at £75 a head, you can then invite a further 40 in the evening for £20 a head. If I were perhaps a work colleague then I wouldn’t expect to attend all day but would be happy to attend in the evening.

IberianBlackout · 27/06/2025 06:49

I’ve only been once and won’t be going again I think - maybe it if was in a local pub that also has an area open to the public then fair, but we got there (1h drive) and as we were about to go in (doors fully open, could see the bride and groom) someone had to stop us and say we had to wait in the hotel lobby/bar area and closed the doors to the salon.

So we were there waiting for about 2 hours, paying for drinks at a mid hotel in the middle of nowhere. Eventually the doors opened, there were some tables scattered around and a corner with bacon sandwiches and a sheet cake.

I’m not British so the paying for your own drinks is already odd to me, but the whole thing just felt like we were walked into someone’s left overs after a party finished. The bride looked happy though so that’s what matters!

IwasDueANameChange · 27/06/2025 06:52

Evening invites are usually issued by people who don't want to pay for you to have the wedding breakfast, but want you to fill up their dance floor.

I dislike them. We didnt have evening guests. If you made the cut you got invited for the lot.

Bertielong3 · 27/06/2025 06:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Fitasafiddle1 · 27/06/2025 06:54

Soontobe60 · 27/06/2025 06:44

The thing is for all of the YANBU brigade, the wedding isn’t all about you! Most wedding venues are able to seat a set number of guests during the day but then can hold many more for the evening when all the big tables are rearranged. So if you invite, say, the maximum for the venue of 80 for the day at £75 a head, you can then invite a further 40 in the evening for £20 a head. If I were perhaps a work colleague then I wouldn’t expect to attend all day but would be happy to attend in the evening.

Well speak for yourself! It is good etiquette to care and consider your own guests.

It was my first thought as I planned my own wedding. The comfort of guests should be at the very top of everyone’s list - they are not just fodder to be wheeled out to pad out the numbers, and grin like Cheshire cats for the photos! They are real people with needs and feelings. Jesus. Hey lucky them they also get to pay for the privilege too 🙄

WhyWouldAnyone · 27/06/2025 06:58

TinyTempest · 26/06/2025 22:08

YANBU if everyone is slaughtered by the time you get to all these receptions.

YABU about the food as you can have dinner before you go.

This is true. The wait between the ceremony and 'breakfast' is always too long for the day guests with all the fannying around with photos. They're usually half famished and drinking already by that point!

I actually prefer the evening to the day! I don't really like the ceremonies - all the gushing, the cringeworthy speeches, terrible food, sitting cheap chairs with those horrible covers, the hours of waiting around with nothibg to do but drink. By the evening everyone has let loose and all the bridezilla nonsense is over. I do agree about the party food, but would eat beforehand, personally.

If you don't like it, done go though!

IamnotSethRogan · 27/06/2025 06:58

I duno I like it. I can find the whole day a bit long. I've been to a few evening weddings this year and had a great time. Tbh they were people from a wider friendship group who I haven't known all that long. Lots of my close friends were there so it was nice to be included. They also did a separate meal (hog roast, pizzas etc.) About an hour after arrival so there was food. I had a great time.

Supergirl1958 · 27/06/2025 07:01

YABU. My evening reception is the main thing for everyone anyway as I’m eloping!!

I sincerely hope the reception venue does provide enough food for evening guests! BUT tbh I would expect that a party starting at 7.30-8, the evening guests will have had their evening meal….

RampantIvy · 27/06/2025 07:02

SanctusInDistress · 26/06/2025 23:12

Either have a smaller wedding and invite everybody to everything, or go for cheaper venues so you can invite everybody to the whole thing.

two-tier weddings are incredibly tacky.

Only to the professionally offended.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 27/06/2025 07:03

I wish we did evening only invites where I’m at.

it sounds fab! You get to turn up in a fancy frock (don’t need to faff around with morning dress!), have some lovely apéro style bits and dance the night away! Sounds lovely to me 😍

where I’m at it‘s the opposite around:

many people have a separate afternoon part (for everyone) and reserve the evening for the special guests.

So if you’re a „B-List“ guest you may end up being invited to the ceremony and the reception and that’s it. No dancing, no letting loose etc.

its usually the ceremony (which obviously requires church appropriate attire) and a formal reception with some canapés (and an admittedly usually rather decent selection of alcoholic beverages).

edit: it‘s still lovely and I still appreciate those wedding invitations. But especially with travel they tend to take up the whole day for 1-1.5 hours of ceremony and 2 hours of reception….

lap90 · 27/06/2025 07:03

YANBU - I am the same - it’s just not worth it.

RampantIvy · 27/06/2025 07:06

Fitasafiddle1 · 27/06/2025 06:54

Well speak for yourself! It is good etiquette to care and consider your own guests.

It was my first thought as I planned my own wedding. The comfort of guests should be at the very top of everyone’s list - they are not just fodder to be wheeled out to pad out the numbers, and grin like Cheshire cats for the photos! They are real people with needs and feelings. Jesus. Hey lucky them they also get to pay for the privilege too 🙄

Being an evening wedding guest isn't expensive unless it isn't local.

Mumsnet is littered with self important professionally offended people.

Simplelobsterhat · 27/06/2025 07:07

Gumbo · 27/06/2025 05:04

Yanbu, I think it's a weird British thing which makes no sense to me. Where I grew up everyone was invited to the actual ceremony (ie. the bit that actually matters), then a smaller subset of closer family and friends were invited to the reception. There were no other events.

Having a specific event for some people to join in, many hours after the ceremony (not sure where you're supposed to go in the interim?) to show that you're not important enough for the main reception is quite odd.

How is that really different though. It's still two different groups invited to different bits? I understand some people may prefer it that way round if they prefer the ceremony to the dancing and socialising (and other may feel the opposite) but it's still 'two tier guests' as people on here call it. I have also been to ceremony and tea / cake after bit not reception for a couple of religious people and was very happy to be there, but in my head it was their version of someone else I inviting to evening only.

I'm happy with an evening only invitation, although how much I enjoy them usually depends on who else is going and how up for a dance etc they are (but then my enjoyment of the whole day would probably also depend on who else was there). I do think the examples here where people were just left outside waiting are examples of bad hosting and rude though.

We had a very small ceremony/ reception (20 people) then around 70 in evening. I'm sure everyone on Mumsnet thinks we are terrible, but it suited us - we didn't want to have to do vows, walking down the aisle etc in front of loads of people, or to spend the money for a sit down meal for 70 people. However we did want a party with people we cared and about and didn't want to leave them out all together. We did consider being brave and having everyone at a late ceremony and then going straight into an evening party with substantial buffet, but we had DHs grandparents to consider and thought they'd want a sit down meal etc and actually we wanted to make more of the day for us too. Our evening do had disco, decent buffet, arrival drinks and cake cutting. I'd happily go to a birthday party that had less, so I don't see why suddenly when it's a wedding that's a terrible event / imposition. Most of our evening guests were local but a few travelled. I wouldn't have been offended if they hadn't though. I have also travelled back for their evening dos in some cases.

I know a lot of people are saying book the wedding / venue where you can afford all those people, but realistically there is no cheap way of doing a sit down meal for 100+ that I know, and you can bet if you only have a buffet in a hall for a full day event there would people on Mumsnet complaining about that too... People on here love to complain about how they don't think they've been treated well enough at weddings!

I'm going to an ex colleagues evening do next month and very glad I am. If it came to a choice of not being invited at all or just going to evening, I'd much rather have the option of evening.

If course don't go if it doesn't sound like something you'd enjoy it travel too much etc, but bring offended by the invitation and having blanket rules about all or nothing is cutting off your nose to spite your face I think.

Member984815 · 27/06/2025 07:08

The fiddlers invitation. I'm with you on this . Unless it's local and I've nothing else on I'm not going. We had whole day invites at our wedding only because we wanted the friends and family we love to spend the whole day with us .

Fitasafiddle1 · 27/06/2025 07:08

RampantIvy · 27/06/2025 07:06

Being an evening wedding guest isn't expensive unless it isn't local.

Mumsnet is littered with self important professionally offended people.

Yes it is expensive. A gift for the couple is expensive, taxis, outfits and babysitting all costs money! No one is going to turn up empty handed either are they!

I am not offended personally but I do have better ways to enjoy my time and money.

Fitasafiddle1 · 27/06/2025 07:09

I just think it’s cheap. They want the numbers for a party on the cheap basically.

Fitasafiddle1 · 27/06/2025 07:09

Rent a crowd 😀

mindutopia · 27/06/2025 07:10

I think it depends on context and travel. I’ve only been invited as an evening guest once - to the wedding of a couple from our NCT group. All the mums from NCT were invited as evening guests, which seemed appropriate given we really were just acquaintances. I went for an hour or two, had some cheese and crackers and went home. It was local. Totally fine. It was nice they even considered inviting me.

That said, it’s the only wedding I’ve ever been to that had evening guests. We didn’t, and I’ve never been to another that did. The party at the end isn’t the most interesting bit. I would much rather see the actual wedding than go to the party after (that’s the bit I’m usually trying to escape anyway). But for an acquaintance, I wouldn’t be offended and I’d possibly still go if local and childcare not an issue (children also invited).

Wonderwall23 · 27/06/2025 07:10

I wouldn't have thought it's that common to have evening guests who have to travel miles to get there.

Very unmumsnet but I enjoy a wedding...day or evening...and I'm an introvert and not even particularly sociable.

To me an evening invite is just like a night out but with a bit more of a purpose.

Springtimehere · 27/06/2025 07:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Swipe left for the next trending thread