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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To no longer attend Wedding’s when only invited to the evening

262 replies

TeriBW · 26/06/2025 22:02

Anyone else not a fan? Everyone is slaughtered on arrival, it’s often ‘picky’ food so nothing substantial and it’s hard to get more than a quick hello with the happy couple…

OP posts:
saraclara · 26/06/2025 23:42

Ponderingwindow · 26/06/2025 23:36

I never understand that part. Don’t most people start with their guest list and then look for venues that can handle the number of expected attendees? How do you end up with a venue that is too small?

Show quote history

Some people want the wedding ceremony itself to be intimate. Not everyone wants to be the centre of attention.

My nephew and his fiancée don't want a 'big' wedding ceremony and speeches, so have chosen a venue that just fits the extended family and their closest friends.
But they knows that other friends and colleagues would like to celebrate with them, so are having a casual evening do at a different venue.

Cherrytree86 · 26/06/2025 23:43

I love how some mumsnetters think they are so important and key in the lives of everyone that they meet that being invited to the evening do of a wedding only is seen as some terrible thing. And have the audacity to suggest that the couple pare back their day in order to be able to invite them to the full wedding. It’s full of bizarre self importance and entitlement.

Nevertrustacop · 26/06/2025 23:45

Wedding evenings are perfect for work friends, hobby friends, neighbours, church friends. For people who are one of a big group but not a super big friend in their own right. Go or don't go.

Moomdingou · 26/06/2025 23:47

Ponderingwindow · 26/06/2025 23:36

I never understand that part. Don’t most people start with their guest list and then look for venues that can handle the number of expected attendees? How do you end up with a venue that is too small?

Show quote history

Well very easy to explain isn’t it. Not all guests will hold the same importance to the couple, you can understand that? Your friend from a hobby will be less important than say a sibling, you still like them and want them there, but you have an amazing venue you love but it only holds a capacity of 100 people, are you really going to change your dream venue just so a friend from hobby can attend the ceremony? No, that’s pretty ridiculous and anyone that thinks it’s not is delusional. The wedding about the couple, if you don’t want to attend then don’t. It’s not really a big deal for the couple.

Torkieshorkie · 26/06/2025 23:47

Get a grip! It’s nice to be invited either to the whole thing of the evening do
MN is full of really sour people

LBFseBrom · 26/06/2025 23:49

I love picky food so I will go in your place.

Moomdingou · 26/06/2025 23:53

Cherrytree86 · 26/06/2025 23:43

I love how some mumsnetters think they are so important and key in the lives of everyone that they meet that being invited to the evening do of a wedding only is seen as some terrible thing. And have the audacity to suggest that the couple pare back their day in order to be able to invite them to the full wedding. It’s full of bizarre self importance and entitlement.

So so bizarre isn’t it. And to suggest the couple only have wedding if they can afford to invite everyone 🤣 surely if that was the case then all weddings would be pretty small and only involve close family and friends. Who are these crazy entitled people?

PyongyangKipperbang · 26/06/2025 23:55

I dont get the "but maybe they cant afford everyone all day" excuse. Because I bet they could. I really bet they could.

But they cant afford the big fancy venue, the dressing of said venue, expensive menu choices, huge floral displays etc AND to have all their chosen guests there. So they down grade the guests instead of down grading The Wedding.

Personally I compromised on the "vision" to have the people that mattered. Sadly to some people the vision matters more than the people.

Its all because Getting Married and that meaning having a wedding turned into The Wedding were they happen to get married.

Rockmehardplace · 27/06/2025 00:00

I love a wedding and am not offended at all by an "evening only" invite from colleagues, friends of my parents (to their children's weddings) or neighbours. I'll go & enjoy them. But if I were to get an evening only do from family or someone I considered a good friend, I would feel a little like an afterthought and would only attend if it didn't involve a hotel stat)too much travel.

SleepyLemur · 27/06/2025 00:09

I wouldn't travel very far for an evening only invite, but have always enjoyed them. Completely understand how expensive weddings are and tricky guest lists can be. Have always only had an evening only invite when I didn't know the couple that well, but liked them. For this a evening only invite was perfect for me, let me wish them well and celebrate, without having to spend the whole day getting slowly drunk waiting for the photos to finish (not that I mind that either but happy to save that for closer friends and family). Basically I love an evening invite, but if you don't like it, just politely decline.

Moomdingou · 27/06/2025 00:12

babblingbumblingbandofbaboons · 26/06/2025 23:13

Honestly, as someone currently wedding planning, if you don’t want to go, decline and let the couple invite others.

We are having some evening guests, mostly work friends, extended family. It’s not that we don’t want them there or they’re not important - if we could invite everyone all day we would, but we can’t, so the next best thing is an evening invite.

They’ll be fed generously, there’s a decent band, they’ll know others and the drinks aren’t any more expensive than a night in the city, We’d love them to be part of our celebration but if they don’t want to or can’t then we’ll understand.

The couple won’t be tying themselves in knots about what you think of the “tier” of their invite so it’s a waste of energy for you to, just RSVP either way!

Any normal person can understand that, I do find people who take offence to only being invited to evening dos quite childish, it’s like their a child throwing a hissy fit because they can’t get their own way. The couple really won’t put much thought into anyone that declines, just seems a lot of effort to be this offended.

Namechangerage · 27/06/2025 00:21

YABU. It obviously depends on whether you like the couple or not. I wouldn’t go if it was someone I wasn’t bothered about. If someone I am bothered about, then of course I will go!
Examples of weddings where I have been an evening guest and v happy to go:

  • school friend I don’t see that often but loads of us went in the evening so it was lovely to catch up
  • ex colleague who I meet up with a couple of times a year - me and her old line manager went, kind of like work aunties 🤣
  • new close friend (think baby group) who didn’t know me while planning the wedding but it was easy to invite us to evening do
  • step-niece who I see a few times a year.

All perfectly fine. I had relatives who had never met my partner after 8 years, so I only invited them to the evening. They were pissed off and didn’t come. I just assumed they weren’t bothered about me which is fine.

Nsky62 · 27/06/2025 00:24

Pomegranatemum · 26/06/2025 22:06

YANBU. Especially if much travel or expense is required. I think if it were local it’d be fine.
DH once travelled a considerable distance for this, and the food was basically cheesy chips 😳

Awful

saraclara · 27/06/2025 00:28

But they cant afford the big fancy venue, the dressing of said venue, expensive menu choices, huge floral displays etc AND to have all their chosen guests there. So they down grade the guests instead of down grading The Wedding.

My daughter didn't have any if those things @PyongyangKipperbang . So I'm not sure what you expect people like her to downgrade, so that she can invite her work colleagues and hobby friends.

Most of us recognise that our friends have other friends, and that while we're all valued, we're not all equal. And that some people have large extended families that will come first.

It really is spectacularly egotistical to expect to be treated in the same way as family members and besties, if you're neither.

XWKD · 27/06/2025 00:31

If you don't want to go, you don't. It's not a big deal. I probably wouldn't go either.

QuickPeachPoet · 27/06/2025 00:37

No thanks. Card in the post instead. Probably second class stamp.

ZiggyPlaysGuitarrr · 27/06/2025 00:39

I love a wedding and would prefer to just go to the evening than not at all. But it obviously depends on logistics. I wouldn't massively put myself out if e.g. I wasn't close to the couple and it required a long drive/overnight stay/childcare.

Moomdingou · 27/06/2025 00:40

Are people really this upset and taking a huff because they are only invited to the evening do of an acquaintance? Bizarre.

JIMER202 · 27/06/2025 00:47

I will only travel or pay to stay for a full day proper invite but an evening do is fine if local. They don’t seem to happen where I live now tho! It’s either come for the full day or not 😆 If I were close enough to pay for a babysitter and want to go I’d expect I’d be close enough for a full day invite so oddly enough have never been invited to evening only!

JIMER202 · 27/06/2025 00:48

I think they are disappearing. I will only travel or pay to stay for a full day proper invite but an evening do is fine if local. They don’t seem to happen where I live now tho! It’s either come for the full day or not 😆 If I were close enough to pay for a babysitter and want to go I’d expect I’d be close enough for a full day invite so oddly enough have never been invited to evening only!

UnicornMamma · 27/06/2025 01:05

I don't go if it's just the evening. It just feels rude.

I've always thought weddings are to celebrate with those who are important to you and to witness you and your loved one making a commitment.

Being invited to the evening just feels like 'we like you but we felt we had to invite you just becuase'

Reallyneedsaholiday · 27/06/2025 01:07

YANBU even if some others enjoy the evening reception more than the rest of the day. Better to just say “thanks, but I can’t make it” than not enjoy it, and waste their money. I’d probably still send a small gift, but I wouldn’t break the bank over it.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 27/06/2025 01:09

What is the reason for not being invited to the wedding ceremony? Is it space?
I've only read about not being invited to the ceremony on MN. I'm Canadian and haven't come across this irl over here.
I will say, though, that perhaps the ceremony is meant for family and very close friends? Maybe the couple feels it's very person and don't want to get too emotional in front of friends, but want them there at tge reception to celebrate snd have fun?
I attended a friend's wedding in europe and the church was very small in the country side. I was one of a few friends invited to the church because the couple were so touched I attended from overseas at considerable expense. Just a thought as well. I wouldn't take it too personally otherwise, but over here it would be odd to be excluded from one part.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 27/06/2025 01:12

Allseeingallknowing · 26/06/2025 22:05

Bit churlish, isn’t it? Weddings are so expensive. The happy couple often can’t afford for everyone to attend the reception.

Then have a small wedding and invite only the people you can afford to invite, in this case the people who were invited to the main wedding.

pikkumyy77 · 27/06/2025 01:16

Allseeingallknowing · 26/06/2025 22:05

Bit churlish, isn’t it? Weddings are so expensive. The happy couple often can’t afford for everyone to attend the reception.

See: I don’t get that. Either have everyone or have a smaller event.