To no longer attend Wedding’s when only invited to the evening

[TeriBW]

Anyone else not a fan? Everyone is slaughtered on arrival, it’s often ‘picky’ food so nothing substantial and it’s hard to get more than a quick hello with the happy couple…

Make an excuse. Don’t go.

If you don't want to go, don't go - you don't have to.

I wouldn't travel for an evening do but I will happily go to local ones its the best part id be well pleased I could skip the church and the speeches

If it's a couple of miles away and we don't need to pay for a baby sitter I might, but not spending loads or travelling a long way for an evening only.

Either have a smaller wedding and invite everybody to everything, or go for cheaper venues so you can invite everybody to the whole thing.

two-tier weddings are incredibly tacky.

Honestly, as someone currently wedding planning, if you don’t want to go, decline and let the couple invite others.

We are having some evening guests, mostly work friends, extended family. It’s not that we don’t want them there or they’re not important - if we could invite everyone all day we would, but we can’t, so the next best thing is an evening invite.

They’ll be fed generously, there’s a decent band, they’ll know others and the drinks aren’t any more expensive than a night in the city, We’d love them to be part of our celebration but if they don’t want to or can’t then we’ll understand.

The couple won’t be tying themselves in knots about what you think of the “tier” of their invite so it’s a waste of energy for you to, just RSVP either way!

If you don’t want to attend anymore that’s fine and up to you, I really doubt the couple will care unless you’re close family or a close friend, and in that case you wouldn’t be invited to just the evening do. Will you get offended if people catch on and stop inviting you to evening dos?

It used to be something you did to invite friends of the couple, like friends from work, who arrvied together with lots of other friends having likely already had fun together before arriving. They were likely the people the couple would rather have a party with but they had to invite Aunt Hilda and Mildred for fear of offending them and extended family. All fair enough! But now couples have destination weddings (countries away or at least bloody hours away from their home) and despite being much older when getting wed can’t afford to have who they think they should have at their wedding.

I have attended one evening portion once but wouldn’t ever do it again. Arrived at a suitable time after the evening invite stipulated but the friggin speeches weren’t done and folk were still sat down. So had to loiter at the bar bit awkwardly waiting for the evening part to actually finish. Awkward and it cost absolutely as much as attending the whole day as I didn’t wear anything less than I would have worn if invited for the whole thing and had travel and accommodation just the same. Have received a saved the date and have a hunch it’s for the evening thing as it’s the sister of the person who invited me to the evening portion and haven’t even bothered to actually save the date. Not even remotely interested to repeat the experience.

Depends on how well you know the bride or groom. Completely understand if its family and close friends for the whole thing and just work colleagues or mates evening only.

Yup this, plus if people don’t get invited to the evening do then they’ll be kicking off on here saying they’re offended. Couples can’t really win either way. It all seems really self absorbed, if want to go then go but if you don’t fine, just don’t make an unnecessary fuss about it.

I've got a different attitude to nights out than most on here, so I'm happy with an invite to an opening of an envelope. I wouldn't necessarily want to go to a all day wedding. I look forward to a night in a hotel, so will travel. If it's in a ridiculously expensive venue, take your own bottle in a bottle bag.

Apparently these are two tier weddings, guests divided into A list and Z list 🤣 I find it hard that people can’t understand the venue they are having the wedding ceremony at might only allow a certain amount of people in. I certainly won’t be picking my friend’s new partner of less than a year over my aunty, but I would still like him there in the evening, what’s wrong with that?

Never bother going if it is for part of the day as too much expense involved.

All day weddings can be bloody boring. Plus I’ve been invited to evening dos, where I’ve had work during the day so it was fine with me. I wouldn’t travel far for an evening do though, say share a taxi with friends there and back but I definitely wouldn’t be forking out more than £40 for taxis or paying for a hotel.

Then they should have the wedding they can afford. It can seem like a gift grab to invite people to the evening only.

Totally fair. They’re often a PITA to get home from as well. A well placed thanks but no thanks and breathe a sigh of relief 😆

I think I have only been to one evening do and it was dire. We had to drive for miles as the wedding venue was in the middle of nowhere. The idea was that everyone left their car there and the bride's parents had put on a coach to take people back to their house to crash for the night. They had a very big house. Next morning we would be driven back to middle -of-nowhere venue to collect our cars.

Although evening only guests had been told smart casual, the majority of guests had been to the wedding too which was extremely smart. All the men, and I mean all, not just the main participants but all male guests, were in tails. It was the most pretentious do I have ever been to. I think I realised when, on the second round of drinks, DH opted for a soft drink which way his mind was working. We made our excuses and returned home late that night.

Next morning I was so glad because I realised that the funny smell that had been following me round all night was in fact the dog shit I must have stood in in the car park. Imagine the horror if we had in fact gone back to bride's parents house for the night and I woke up to find I had trod it all over their carpets!

Don’t go then - the bride and groom like you enough to invite you but you aren’t close. My wedding you’d have missed out on a free bar all night and wood fired pizzas cooked to your order.

yanbu to decide that and in theory (I haven't been to one for years) but I have nothing against going to an evening do for someone I don't know that well, if local. I'd only expect something like a sandwich buffet and would probably eat before I went.

That’s the best bit! I wouldn’t travel for one but if I can go without needing to book a hotel or anything, count me in!

I find it weird that so many people on this thread expect to be an A list friend to everyone, and if they're not, they're offended too be 'only an acquaintance'.

I'm very happy to be invited to the evening do of someone I get on well and I'm friendly with. I'm not remotely offended that I'm not A list or family, but they'd still like me to be part of their celebration. Being offended strikes me as really odd.

If it's a long way away and expensive to go to, then don't go. But they're no need to be snarky about it or offended. Or as one person said, to withdraw from the friendship.

I got married in the days when there was only one reception and it meant leaving out people I liked. My daughters wedding wasn't at all flashy and they were on a tight budget, but as she's very gregarious, there were more people that she wanted to share her wedding with, then they could afford to have a three course meal for.
Fortunately her friends at work and her old school friends etc, didn't have any qualms at all about accepting an evening invitation, and it was a really lovely and happy occasion with everyone letting their hair down.

It strikes me that those on this thread who are mortally offended at being B list, wouldn't be adding to the joy at all, so no loss to the bride and groom.

I never understand that part. Don’t most people start with their guest list and then look for venues that can handle the number of expected attendees? How do you end up with a venue that is too small?

Don’t go then 🤷‍♀️ I’m not sure you’ll be missed with that attitude.

But what about if the venue only has room for a limited amount of guests? Should the couple just cancel the wedding until they find a venue that can accommodate all their guest list? Not everyone who is invited will be close to the couple so unreasonable to think they just need to have the wedding they can afford, very entitled behaviour. If they do have the wedding they want then it’s fair to say all evening guests wouldnt be invited, so them people will still moan.