New colleague staring at my cleavage- is this my fault ?

[dtarer]

I sometimes wear tops that show some cleavage. It’s hard to avoid in most tops that aren’t super high cut.

I notice men sometimes look. But today in a meeting, a man did not stop staring.

his gaze was fixed the entire time he was talking to me. It was extremely uncomfortable.

I somehow feel it’s my fault this happened. But I really love this top and I don’t think it’s obscene. I find it hard to avoid showing some cleavage, especially in summer. It just suits my shape somehow.

I’ll post a pic of the top if it will let me.

No one needs to see a picture of the top to be able to tell you that blokes shouldn't be staring at your cleavage.

No, you’re not in the wrong here. As a society we have moved on from using clothing as an excuse to victim blame

Yes. Men staring at your tits is your fault. The same way being groped or sexually harassed is always the woman’s fault.

Those poor ickle menz just can’t help themselves so unless you’re covered head to toe then it’s always your fault.

*disclaimer that this obviously isn’t serious before I get flamed

i bought myself camisole as i hate showing my cleavage, a new dress kept showing my cleavage so i did a last minute change of dress before i left for work today.
i am not sure if people intend to look but sometimes people can't help themselves, i was at an interview and i couldnt stop looking at a woman's cleavage, very off putting. i am not attracted to cleavages but somehow they attract the eye

I don’t think we need to see the top to know he’s a sleaze who should not be behaving this way. Jeezo, is this really where we still are in 2025, he should be ashamed of himself. Can you speak to his manager to have a word? Or HR if you have an HR dept?

I get that people give it a two second look sometimes, that’s natural. This guy was just staring for ages though.

i dont think cleavages are suitable at work

My mum used to display a good few inches of cleavage and I found it mortifying. I don't think it's business friendly, though of course he was rude to stare.

Unless your nipples were visible (which would be inappropriate in most workplaces, so bound to attract attention) then it's his fault not yours

I've caught myself staring at people in meetings when my mind's wandering. And as a pp said, there is something about cleavage that draws the eye. Pretty sure I've unintentionally gawped at a colleague's tits.

Every single top or dress I own shows some and I’ve never looked inappropriate at work
the only way for me not to show any is to wear a crew or polo neck and then I look like a walking pair of tits on legs which is probably more noticeable

Ask a manager has some excellent strategies... https://www.askamanager.org/2022/01/my-new-coworker-keeps-staring-at-my-breasts.html

Place your hand over your chest. He will know you know!

Not professional at work. You need to leave your breasts at home.

Unpopular opinion..

People have their cleavage showing to show off their tits. You cant control who looks at the thing you are trying to show off.

Staring isnt cool though.

Obviously it’s not women’s fault that men are gross and inappropriate a lot of the time. It’s not women’s fault that men assault women, a lot.

Having said that, if you feel uncomfortable with men or a man staring at your tits, don’t show your tits. Simple really. They’re not going to stop, sad but true.

I don't notice cleavage but couldn't stop looking at a colleagues awful tattoo on her thigh in a mini skirt, she's not a young woman and it felt really awkward.

Is that inappropriate for work?

If you are a lady of bounteous curves generally, or generously endowed in the bosom department, it can be difficult not to have a cleavage if a top is anything other than right up to the neck. Just saying.

of course this top is inappropriate for work, are you asking seriously?

yes in my opinion @dtarer

Call him out. "You're an adult. You know it's inappropriate to stare at my chest. Stop doing it."

However... I do think that top is unsuitable for work

Yeah I have cleavage in many tops.

It doesn’t excuse the staring but I wouldn’t wear something that low cut for work.