New colleague staring at my cleavage- is this my fault ?

[dtarer]

I sometimes wear tops that show some cleavage. It’s hard to avoid in most tops that aren’t super high cut.

I notice men sometimes look. But today in a meeting, a man did not stop staring.

his gaze was fixed the entire time he was talking to me. It was extremely uncomfortable.

I somehow feel it’s my fault this happened. But I really love this top and I don’t think it’s obscene. I find it hard to avoid showing some cleavage, especially in summer. It just suits my shape somehow.

I’ll post a pic of the top if it will let me.

I think it predates the Sun and page 3.

Of course it does.

Yes of course it does.

But i was replying to the poster who said that of course breasts are sexual, they were in page 3.

Page 3 aimed to sexualise breasts in an extreme way.

Ive got 36dd but i never have a cleavage. I always wonder why

Yes of course it wasn’t just The Sun - soft porn mags like Playboy and Penthouse were all doing it.

But The Sun was doing it in a mainstream newspaper. Which meant that anyone could see page 3, including small children. Made women’s breasts an obvious sexual thing, and made that seem normal.

Yes it is easy (34GG here). I have never had any trouble covering up.

They have been made sexual by our male dominated society

… which is exactly the point I was making. So it was silly of you to claim that they aren’t sexual.

I think a top that low cut is inappropriate for work, unless you wear a vest or alter it to cover the cleavage. It's unprofessional to show cleavage at work, just as you don't wear hot pants or men don't have their shirts unbuttoned showing off their chest hair!

Yes, far too deeply cut! More appropriate for night out

They aren't sexual.

Men in the western world have decided that they are sexual. They use media to promote this.

In parts of Africa, remoter parts which are not influenced by media, breasts are not seen as sexual at all. Women walk around with breasts out.

Breasts are not sexual just because men tell us they are sexual

Of course they are a sexual thing. And it's not just Western culture which has made them sexualised.

Breasts were sexualised long before The Sun.

It pre-dates The Sun by several centuries.

It’s not suitable for work. Stick a vest top under it

I'm sure you already know the answer to your question, how could it possibly be your fault?
Your colleague is 100% in the wrong, his behaviour was unacceptable and completely unprofessional. We really need to hold men to account much more, instead of always pushing blame on women for just being normal.

She has contributed to the problem by going to work with her tits out!"
If you don't want people to look, don't put it on display!

Is she supposed to wear a burqa to work because some idiot can't be professional? She never said that she had her "tits out", she said that the top she wore showed a bit of cleavage.

Well, as @dtarer hasn’t posted an actual photo of her actual outfit and actual cleavage, we’ll never know quite how much a ‘bit’ is!

There are quite a few options between a burqa and a going out top with massive cleavage. Or I can also ask, why not go to work in a Borat mankini and then complain about perverts staring.

Well she did post a photo of the top. It was completely inappropriate for work.

DD’s 6th form dress code was: “The head doesn’t want to see up it, down it or through it”.
Seemed a perfectly sensible standard and good advice for the future. We also had conversations about men upskirting and if you want them to value your conversation make sure they are looking at your eyes and not your chest.

I do get it maybe harder if you have big breasts which neither myself or either of my DDs have had to struggle with. M&S do (or used to do) shirts with a hidden button for extra control in key places, I’ve forgotten what they called them. There are lots of nice tops and dresses with drapery sorts of cowl necks that don’t show cleavage. I personally don’t think cleavage is appropriate for work.

That said he should know better than to stare. You should probably let him know you are not amused in some way. Maybe carry a clip board and cross your arms as you clutch the board to your chest in a performative way next time he does it.

… which is what we have all been responding to: the implication that she was showing off that amount of cleavage. The reality? We’ll never know!

You obviously like the attention it gives you. The obsession for breast reveal seems to be the norm. Really stupid if women wish to be seen as equals and not sex objects. Just wear a big blouse. It’s like you are offering them on a plate. I have big breasts and spent most of my life trying to disguise the fact not flaunt them. It always seems so desperate.

Ridiculous comment- as if the only options were a burqa or that top.