New colleague staring at my cleavage- is this my fault ?

[dtarer]

I sometimes wear tops that show some cleavage. It’s hard to avoid in most tops that aren’t super high cut.

I notice men sometimes look. But today in a meeting, a man did not stop staring.

his gaze was fixed the entire time he was talking to me. It was extremely uncomfortable.

I somehow feel it’s my fault this happened. But I really love this top and I don’t think it’s obscene. I find it hard to avoid showing some cleavage, especially in summer. It just suits my shape somehow.

I’ll post a pic of the top if it will let me.

It's a great outfit, suitable for work. You'd get admiring glances from anyone I would think.

No, I don’t think that’s top is suitable for work.

I don't have any cleavage to speak of, but would still put a black vest under a top like that or pin it so it cuts at a higher point on the chest. It's a lovely top but more suitable for an evening dinner/ bar.

Imagine a man came to the office wearing his shirt unbuttoned to as low a point as that blouse - chest hair and pecs on show. It would be distracting and inappropriate, regardless of gender.

It’s absolutely fine. But even IF it wasn’t there is absolutely no need to be staring.

I would have said sorry do I have something on my top you keep staring at it? And called him out in front of everyone.

Yes this is not appropriate for an office.

I don’t think your clothes must be work appropriate. I’d probably catch a glimpse but it doesn’t mean I want to see it.

Context is everything. Are you a barmaid? That is not an appropriate top for an office environment. In an office environment, it screams desperate for attention.

He should not be staring at your boobs but you should not be wearing tops like that to work. The old 'my boobs look big in everything' is a weak excuse. .

Years ago I worked with a guy like this.

Wasnt big boobs, it was ANY boobs. Its like he simply couldnt raise his eyes any higher if he was speaking to a woman, it was fucking weird and creepy. ETA, it didnt matter what you wore, you could dress like stripper or a nun and he would still stare.

All the other women (mostly young and naive) just laughed and said thats how he is and to take the compliment.

Yeah....couldnt do that. Even as a young under confident woman I couldnt do that. Every single time I spoke to him I said "Up here!" and pointed to my face.

I didnt pass probation because I "wasnt fitting in with the team", this from the office manager who I later found out was shagging the CEO behind his wifes back, who was her line manager! Very very toxic and I am glad I was sacked! This was....about 30 years ago now.

Yes top is unacceptable for work and very unprofessional

I think he’s an arse for staring but I would not wear that top lovely as it is at work, corporate office and although nobody would comment I would feel a little self conscious. However it’s the 21st century and you would hope men would have evolved from boob obsession but we’re still a way off! If your comfortable and happy you’ll have to learn to either ignore or assertively say oy eyes up mate!

Definitely not appropriate for work!

What about to a school function ? I wore it to a school function recently. Hahah

Creepy colleague is that you?

I'd wear a vest top under that.

Still no.

Well then why post that pic?
It's just confusing.
For someone that doesn't want extra attention, you are orchestrating quite a bit on here.

Though - not okay for him to stare in any circumstaces, I'd not feel comfortable in that style top for work.
But it would depending on where you work, the role and the unwritten dress code of what your colleagues wear (if you dont actually have one).

It doesn’t look as booby on me, as my boobs are not as big. That’s all I can say in my defence. It closes more and isn’t as deep cut on me.

He knew exactly what he was doing and he was staring to try and make you feel uncomfortable. He’s not 12 and he should be able to behave like a grown up in a professional situation. You are not being unreasonable and he needs to grow up.

It was 100% your colleagues fault for staring, he shouldn’t be under any circumstances. However I personally think this top is too low cut for the workplace, a cami underneath would help. It doesn’t matter if an office is casual, tops shouldn’t be flashing this much

Well, your boobs look great in that top but I'm also with the 'not appropriate for work' lot and would wear a vest top/cami top underneath.

I wear a lot of wrap tops because, whilst my boobs aren't huge, I have an hourglass figure and wrap dresses are the only thing that look good on me. But I always wear something underneath because I don't feel comfortable showing cleavage at work.

However it’s the 21st century and you would hope men would have evolved from boob obsession

Men will never evolve from the boob obsession.

😂 depends where you work, of course. But if you’re in an office, it’s quite inappropriate and silly.

I'm getting the feeling this poster isn't being genuine.......

So is any cleavage not ok then ? Ever at work ?

No!

no i wouldnt display cleavage at work