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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask where I can move that won't have depressing random nutcases and law-exempt criminal youth around every corner

273 replies

Fragmentedbrain · 26/06/2025 17:29

I know it's nice to have a social safety net and I want that but we don't have it now it's just unfunded chaos and the press moaning about public sector workers.

So, Switzerland? Singapore? Where is feasible (in my forties so recognise that I'd need to make a damn good case for myself). Somewhere boring and hardworking with rules and clean streets and a health service you can access and no toleration for the stuff that's everywhere in the UK now.

I am prepared for the answer to be hard cheese you left it too late and now just need to stay indoors as much as poss until the sweet release of death.

OP posts:
cardibach · 27/06/2025 16:24

Fragmentedbrain · 26/06/2025 17:57

I live in supposedly the nicest city in the UK. Whenever people say "I never see that" I assume they drive everywhere.

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I’ve just said I never see that. I don’t drive everywhere. I live in a small town on the edge of Cardiff. I walk adound a fair bit. I walked around London (not just tourist bits) a fair bit the other week. I’ve walked round lots of other places. Genuinely don’t see filth or have random guys lunging at me or these law-exempt youth you seem to encounter.

jeaux90 · 27/06/2025 16:26

I lived in Qatar for 3 years and travelled around the ME and it was shit. I don’t understand people who move there or spend their holidays there either.

When I moved back I decided to live in a small market town in Oxfordshire and its bucolic heaven.

Ddakji · 27/06/2025 16:27

LaurieFairyCake · 27/06/2025 16:17

I don’t go out in the evening as I’m older. There’s nothing I want to do in the evening as I’m ready for bed by 8.30. All my activities are daytime and I do LOADS.

I have popped out to the shops 2 minutes away in the evening in winter as it’s dark at 5 and there’s no problems.

there are obviously more problems with younger people being out, hanging around the street, crime etc thrives in the dark. It’s easier for drug dealing.

im not avoiding going out, i just don’t do evening activities SmileGrin

So with respect your take on how safe south east London is skewed by the fact that you rarely go out at the time of day when most trouble happens.

So a bit pointless in terms of this thread.

Crikeyalmighty · 27/06/2025 16:31

@jeaux90very strangely there was a post about Benidorm on guardian Facebook and I replied that if you want high rise - give me Benidorm any day over Dubai - I honestly way preferred it . More fun, way way cheaper and a far better beach- and yes there’s less middle class folks there but I wasn’t paying through the nose to have a pretty shit time . So yep - I’m with you- don’t get the appeal apart from maybe the weather ( and it was way too hot for me at 48 degrees in May the year we went)

Cynic17 · 27/06/2025 16:33

I live in a UK city, and I don't recognise the OP's description either. Obviously, most towns/cities have good and bad bits, but there are so many fantastic places to live in the UK. I sense a certain element of over-dramatics.......

Simonjt · 27/06/2025 16:34

What languages do you speak? What skills jobs wise have you got to offer another country?

We moved, we’re very glad we did and we really enjoy it here. You have to remember nowhere is perfect, a perfect location, country etc doesn’t exist.

Needmorelego · 27/06/2025 16:36

Hey @Simonjt . Not seen you on Mumsnet for a while 🙂
How is life in Sweden?

Dontlletmedownbruce · 27/06/2025 16:37

You are being ridiculous OP. Looking for Utopia. Move to another part of UK if there's trouble where you live. I find it hard to believe everywhere has the same problems.

I live in a suburban area in Ireland where there is never any trouble. Honest to God, life is peaceful and everyone is nice. I've never been so lucky as to get free health care though, it sounds like you are taking this privilege for granted.

Crikeyalmighty · 27/06/2025 16:38

@Ontheedgeofit I think that was the other thing with my friend - ’ they thought’ they could afford it but when they realised they had ended up paying out for so much - health, non state schools , towards the end I think they were running out of money somewhat as they ended up shafted on some kind of business thing too - it all kind of added up and after9 years I think it took its toll financially. I do think ( and it’s the same with the US) that you can’t just look at the headline figures of house prices etc, you have to factor in what you will have to be paying out for that ‘isn’t included’ and for years.

UK2HK · 27/06/2025 16:39

Hong Kong

so safe you can walk around at 3am and nothing happens.

LakieLady · 27/06/2025 16:47

RowsOfFlowers · 26/06/2025 20:09

Where is this?

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Sussex, in the South Downs national park.

As I said, it's a small town, so would prefer not to name it for fear of being identified!

Platinumfortune · 27/06/2025 16:49

DeborahVance · 26/06/2025 22:02

And agree with other posters, London is cleaner/safer/better in so many ways than it was 30 years ago, and incomparably so compared with the 80s

Can I ask how old you are?

Simonjt · 27/06/2025 16:49

Needmorelego · 27/06/2025 16:36

Hey @Simonjt . Not seen you on Mumsnet for a while 🙂
How is life in Sweden?

Things have been very hectic recently, but we’re still very much enjoying Sweden. A recent trip to the UK made me realise that I haven’t seen litter in months.

RowsOfFlowers · 27/06/2025 16:50

LakieLady · 27/06/2025 16:47

Sussex, in the South Downs national park.

As I said, it's a small town, so would prefer not to name it for fear of being identified!

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No problem, understood x

Needmorelego · 27/06/2025 16:52

Simonjt · 27/06/2025 16:49

Things have been very hectic recently, but we’re still very much enjoying Sweden. A recent trip to the UK made me realise that I haven’t seen litter in months.

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No litter 😱
That sounds like a dream.
London is such a mess 😂

Platinumfortune · 27/06/2025 16:53

cardibach · 27/06/2025 16:21

I live in the U.K. and don’t have this. In fact I’ve never had it anywhere I’ve visited in the U.K. Lots of lovely places here.

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Where in the UK fo you live?

Hedjwitch · 27/06/2025 16:56

Japan. A culture where courtesy still matters.

cardibach · 27/06/2025 16:57

LanternFields · 26/06/2025 21:32

I am in a lovely area of a national park - and it's got a foothold. Only in the past 5 yrs though. There appear to be no laws to keep a check on it.

I grew up in a world where we all believed the working class had no voice so we tried to advocate for that.

Now, they are the ONLY FUCKING VOICE: politically, culturally and across all media.

What’s got a foothold?
What voice do the working class have? We’ve become more unequal with more wealth and influence concentrated at the ‘top’.

Fairyliz · 27/06/2025 16:57

MaryTheTurtle · 26/06/2025 18:14

Wherever you go there’ll be issues
Why let it worry you

I’m assuming it’s because the op doesn’t want to be mugged, raped or be decapitated by some drug addled crazy. Just a quess obviously.

cardibach · 27/06/2025 16:58

RowsOfFlowers · 26/06/2025 22:01

I don’t think the UK is as privileged anymore…

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Compared to what?

Swssa · 27/06/2025 17:03

cardibach · 27/06/2025 16:57

What’s got a foothold?
What voice do the working class have? We’ve become more unequal with more wealth and influence concentrated at the ‘top’.

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The working class should do some "work" and get better paying jobs. Educate yourself, up skill yourself, learn some skills and get a better paying job. After this look to invest spare income and build your capital.

cardibach · 27/06/2025 17:05

Ontheedgeofit · 27/06/2025 13:53

Small town in the Kwazulu Natal midlands about an hour in land from Durban.
This place isn’t for everyone and safety is a concern but mostly depending on where you live. I think things have gotten better over the last few years but it really is not as bad as it’s made out to be (certainly not genocide like Trump says).
It’s a complicated country, with a complicated past and I wouldn’t give it up for anything. It lives in my blood and I feel alive here. The Uk made me feel dead inside and the weather is just salt in a wound. Hard to describe in a single post.
I think everyone should visit Cape Town at least once in their life (but bear in mind that it’s not representative of the rest of the country.

Plenty of UK retirees in the Cape.

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Cape Town does have a certain vibe! I’ve only been once, stayed near the V&A waterfront but visited family friends who live under Table Mountain. Also stayed in Umhlanga Rocks Toured around a lot. Loved SA but I don’t think I could live there. The contrast between rich and poor (and the proximity) was too much for me. I’m sure it’s different in non-touristy bits though.

cardibach · 27/06/2025 17:07

Ddakji · 27/06/2025 13:59

I live in south east London and see a fair amount of what the OP describes. I’ve been in this house for 21 years and the local town centre has got worse.
It’s not awful but it’s definitely there. The fact that you say you don’t go out in the evening demonstrates you know it’s there. But there are places in the world where you can be safe in the evening, where you’re phone won’t get snatched, as the OP says.

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I go out in the evening when I’m in London. Most recently I was staying in Whitechapel. Felt fine to me

cardibach · 27/06/2025 17:08

Dappy777 · 27/06/2025 14:08

Iceland? Northern Canada? New Zealand?

I get what you mean. The UK has become a deeply unpleasant place to live. For a start there are just too many people crammed onto this little island. I'm in Colchester. I never liked the place much, but in the last ten years it has really gone downhill. The traffic is horrendous, and I'm constantly woken at night by the screeching of souped up cars with noisy exhausts. The police do nothing about it, needless to say (they never do anything about anti-social behaviour). My local woods have been hacked down to build a giant new estate, and now the fields in the centre of the village are going to be built on as well. A lady I sometimes meet when I'm out walking my dog told me she no longer goes into town because she doesn't feel safe.

We have a benefit system that encourages the worst people to have lots of kids, who of course they then raise to be violent, ignorant and anti-social like themselves. And we seem to have virtually open borders. The politicians have made it perfectly clear they are not going to do anything about mass immigration. Everywhere I look I see groups of young immigrant men wandering around in the middle of the day – many of them, I suspect, here illegally. I'd say at least half the people who've moved onto the estates being built around me were not born in the UK. It isn't just Colchester. I had to work in Stevenage last year. I stayed in the Holiday Inn in the centre of town and hated it so much I was nearly suicidal by the end of the week.

If I was young, and didn't have an elderly father to care for, I'd be on the first plane out of here. Yes, I know other countries have their problems, but at least somewhere like Australia you have space. You can move around. If you have horrible people near you, you can escape. In the UK, we're all squeezed into rabbit hutch new builds that are then jammed on top of one another. And even if you save up to buy your own home, all new estates have to include social housing. So you only need one 'problem family' to move on the estate and they'll ruin everything.

Plenty of space in the U.K. Go to West Wales, or the Highlands of Scotland just for a kick off. I don’t recognise the U.K. from your post (and I live on the edge of Cardiff, for reference, so not a rural idyll)

cardibach · 27/06/2025 17:10

EmeraldRoulette · 27/06/2025 15:42

I've realised that a lot of people who think certain places are fine are actually not going out in the evening. A lot of places really "turn" in the evening.

also a different perspective from people who drive or always take cabs.

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I go out in the evening. Both at home and when I’m visiting somewhere new. Why wouldn’t I? I don’t recognise this ‘turn’ you refer to.