My boyfriend is going back and forth with his ex fling.

[Jakielove]

My man of 6 months is going back and forth with his ex fling of a year ago. I found these messages on his phone because my gut was telling me to check. Messages were of him telling his ex how he doesn’t like how she acts, how she wasn’t special to him etc. Basically texts of them hitting low blows with each other. Keep In mind this relationship lasted on 3 months and ended a year ago. He was the first man she ever slept with, he claims that he doesn’t care for her. Yet why respond when she sends a text ? She sent her number over to him and told him to call her, and I seen the call log and he ended up calling her smh ……. I don’t know what do do ? He claims no feeling are involved

Op when you date someone it’s to see if they have the same values as you or if the values are at least compatible.

This man clearly likes the attention of this woman. I call that ‘liking smoke up your arse’.

If I didn’t like someone I wouldn’t respond. I would block them. If I wanted to be kind I would tell them why. Then I’d block and focus on my es relationship - if I had one. I wouldn’t keep her dangling on a string hoping for ego kibbles so I know I’m desirable. It’s really not sexy needing ego kibbles from someone I had supposedly dumped, (in my opinion).

If he can’t self soothe, gain happiness from within and if he lies - he is not relationship material.

Tellkngvuiu she was a virgin - what’s that about- why tell you that? No doubt because it matters to him.

Dumo him op. He’s a loser. And it’s clear he has his foot had in and half out of your relationship and other relationships. Men like this are ten a penny.

But if this is correct, why is he messaging her? Why reply? Would he be ok with you messaging an ex?

I'm sorry but you asking over and over again how he feels about her is just tragic. Clearly he's still interested in her or he wouldn't be communicating with her. But that's not even the point! You're looking for excuses for behaviour that isn't excusable. Get some self respect please!!

It's sad, but it's what happens when someone has learned their value lies in the estimation of others. They do all sorts of mental gymnastics to try to explain why 'it's me he cares about really'.

Rather than understanding that when someone acts badly, it says nothing about you, and everything about them.

Getting rid of people like this man is one way to begin gaining genuine self-worth, that doesn't require the validation of others.

If this is right, why on earth would you want to be with someone who keeps messaging his ex for a ego boost?

I’ve read all your posts and you sound desperate for him to not have feeling for her and it all be innocent so that you can have your fairytale ending. I promise you you are not going to get any kind of happy ending with this man. Regardless of what he feels about her, he’s clearly enjoying the attention from her. He’s playing games with both of you. This is not the behaviour of a nice man. Block him and walk away. Find your dignity.

You are not his “one”. You are good enough for now nothing more. Don’t be an option. It’s demeaning and you clearly need better boundaries. Even if he has a golden penis and a billion pounds just chuck this one back.

Good grief.

OP - if this guy was really serious about you, he wouldn't be flirting with anyone else. He would have told her he wasn't interested and then either not responded or blocked her.

If you are not serious about him and have other irons in the fire, then it doesn't really matter in the long run.

But if you are regarding him as a long-term partner, then you are barking up the wrong tree. This will keep on happening, both with her and other women.

Jesus Christ does it matter? Either way he doesn’t respect you. Have some self respect and get rid.

I have tins in my cupboard older than this relationship.

You're worth more than this. Worth better than him.

OP, you are looking for elaborate explanations for his very simple behaviour 💔

Relationships are hard enough when you're head-over-heels with each other. A relationship starting off like this - at the stage when everything should be easy and perfect and completely joyful - is not that. Even if you try to work really hard at it and be endlessly forgiving and accepting, it will not work.

Since you're looking for 'hidden meanings', I promise that this one book and single insight will change your life: He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys: Behrendt, Greg, Tuccillo, Liz: 9781416909774: Amazon.com: Books

He also has pictures posted on his page of their 2nd date they went on. There’s no pictures of her of him in them but it’s pictures of the outside scenery.

Are you just talking to yourself now? Are you paying attention to any of the excellent advice you've got?

@Jakielove Don't listen hun, they don't know true love amiright? He's just polite he doesn't want to hurt her feelings by telling her to fuck off. He might have to give her a pity fuck or 10 because he feels bad about her even though he hates her.

Are you being sarcastic

Does it matter? I'm telling you what you want to hear because you are clearly just going to let him take the piss out of you.

Wow, 215 responses all basically saying the same thing. I really don't want to sound mean but Yes he does like her, probably more than you. He didn't take much convincing to agree to meet her did he?

Looks like to me he would be with her in a heartbeat but he wants her to grovel for him first. But your not going to listen. Get married, have lots of babies and you'll be back here because he's left you and the kids as soon as she is ready to take him.

Now that I actually wouldn’t read anything into, it’s nice pictures of nice scenery, he may not even associate them with her. It’s the rest of it that’s a worry.

Look, this man is not making you happy. You’re second guessing everything, doubting your own judgement, desperately searching for evidence of the way you want things to be. I don’t know why you like this guy so much that you’re letting him do this to you, but I’m afraid he’s not that bothered about you. Do you want to go on feeling like this for the rest of your life? Always doubting, always having to convince yourself that his interactions with other women are innocent, always having to justify his behaviour to yourself?

Not only is this man not going to love you the way you want him to, he’s going to destroy your self confidence and your sanity. Posters are being blunt because they’re trying to help you, basically being cruel to be kind. Everything you’ve said makes it abundantly clear to everyone reading it that this guy is bad news. You’re struggling to see it because you’re inside the situation and you’re in love/infatuated. I promise that from the outside there’s no doubt, this guy does not care about you. You’re just a toy to him.

Just stop and think very hard, does he make you happy? Because you certainly don’t sound happy. If you were happy, you wouldn’t be posting on here asking for advice.

He does like her. He’s lying to you when he says he doesn’t. Youre in denial which is why you keep asking MN the wrong question. Really, he’s not that into you and never will be. Youre just enough until someone better comes along. He may not be that bothered about her either, but she’s also a bit of fun until something better comes along. You are both being manipulated by him because you are both letting him do it. You know you should dump him and I reckon within weeks, you will see how stupid/blind you’ve been. Hope that helps and good luck.

Well he sounds like a great catch

You’re making one by believing his drivel.
please move on, dump his sorry arse, value your worth and put yourself first here, gain a bit of confidence, be savvy & (in the kindest way) grow up a bit. This is teenlike drama & needs a cooler more adult head? (Also, he sounds like a gaslighting dick!)

OP with kindness, wondering why he does and say stuff is absolutely pointless. Even he may not know. Previous posters have all made pretty good guesses but at the heart of it I would say he’s young, he likes the attention, he’s not emotionally intelligent and enjoys the game. What is important is that you see that a man (boy) who behaves in this way isn’t relationship material, isn’t deserving of your love and attention but most importantly won’t change and if he does, I’d give a good 10/20 years before that happens.

so put him in the bin and find a guy for who is all for you and doesn’t make you feel like this.

How do you know he watches all her stories?

Exactly she’s the one who looks desperate and silly chasing after a man that does not want her

But he does want her attention at the very least. If he didn't, he would have blocked her and deleted the conversation without a second thought. So why is he still in contact? He needs something from her, even if it is just an ego boost. That says a lot about him to those of us on the outside of your situation.

Oh OP - why bother posting when you're ignoring the many, MANY replies telling you to ditch this man?