My boyfriend is going back and forth with his ex fling.

[Jakielove]

My man of 6 months is going back and forth with his ex fling of a year ago. I found these messages on his phone because my gut was telling me to check. Messages were of him telling his ex how he doesn’t like how she acts, how she wasn’t special to him etc. Basically texts of them hitting low blows with each other. Keep In mind this relationship lasted on 3 months and ended a year ago. He was the first man she ever slept with, he claims that he doesn’t care for her. Yet why respond when she sends a text ? She sent her number over to him and told him to call her, and I seen the call log and he ended up calling her smh ……. I don’t know what do do ? He claims no feeling are involved

Your cousins eh? Were they playing banjos while you asked them?

Why would you use the moral compass of someone else to decide if you like how youre being treated? Especially the morals of other guys 😵‍💫

We had a talk. He claims that she means nothing too him and she likes him and is nearly obsessed with him. He said the only reason why he responds is to be nice. That they’re are no feelings involved on his end at all.

Well, If you’ll believe that… I have some shares to sell to you, guaranteed fortune to be made. Just transfer me £10k to register your interest, and you’ll be rich for the rest of your days. Will pm you my details.

Do you keep in touch with your ex partners who mean nothing to you? Follow them on social media? Have discussions about meeting up with them? Also, he’s claiming he’s being nice when you spoke about the messages sounding like he hates her, so which one is it?

OP, are you really THAT wet, that you believe him??? If that's the case, then there really is no hope for you!

He said he disliked her, plus you guys have said that the messages seem like he hates her….

At this point I’m starting to think you’re a troll because it’s hard to believe anyone could be this naive. Unless you’re not the age you’re saying you are and are still a teen.

Look OP it's your choice. I can see you're desperate to find a way to believe things are ok, wanting to believe the best. But if you accept crumbs from this guy that's all you'll ever get.

There are good, decent men who would never do this to you. If you stay with your boyfriend (who will string you along, disrespect you and be unfaithful to you), you'll never have the opportunity to find someone who actually likes you and cares about you and who would never behave so cruelly.

Carry on accepting this inadequate man's crumbs if you want to, but do so knowing you're choosing someone who will always treat you badly.

Im not a troll. I just don’t want to make a mistake.

He likes the attention. A man like this will never be loyal to you because he thinks that his need for attention is more important than your need for security and a partner who respects you as his partner. The mental contortions you’re going through on this thread alone in order to justify his behaviour show how unhappy the relationship is making you, and will continue to make you. Have some self respect and end it. You don’t need to tell him why. In fact it would be better if you didn’t tell him why, as you’re clearly susceptible to whatever bullshit he might spin to try to change your mind.

it is better to be single and have standards for how other people can treat you, than to be in a quasi-“relationship” with a tool who does what he wants when he wants and expects you to take it (because you do take it). Move on. Be more discerning.

Staying with him would be the mistake.

No ‘us guys’ did not say that!

We don’t think he hates her at all. Far from it! He is a cheat in waiting of he hasn’t already cheated on you.

I never say this but you’re coming off as a troll now, no one can be THIS stupid!

If this is an ego boost do you realise how he is ' boosting his ego'? It's by having two women he can string along. You can only do something about your own feelings. If you are happy to be with a man who is happy talking to someone he hates, presumably to wind you up (because you are clearly unhappy about it but he carries on) go ahead. What ' mistake ' would you possibly make? To dump a man who has no respect for you?

Sounds like he doesn't like her at all but certainly likes the ego boost. He seems immature as hell though if he's doing this at all, so it's still very much a reason not to waste time on him.

The poor ex fling making an utter fool of herself though, jesus. At least you're not her... Right?!

Of all the men out there what on earth has he got going for him that males you so desperate for the scraps he throws your way? Being totally honest do you hate yourself that much? There is no way to dress this up to make it look pretty

Honestly just get out of this. I know it’s hard when you’re in it and you’re wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt. But whichever way he spins it, he does not sound a nice guy. I’m a lot older than you and I really don’t mean any of this is a patronising way. I have a DD and if she came to me I’d be saying the same thing. The fact is you’ve only been together six months. He’s messaging his ex. You’re wondering if he likes the ego boost. He has told she is obsessed with him and he dislikes her yet he still responds. He responds to be ‘nice’. It doesn’t make sense to me at all. Why doesn’t he just stop replying to her? Life does not have to be this complicated. Would he be ok with you messaging an ex in this way? I doubt it. You are quite young and you need to work out what lines you will draw that people shouldn’t cross. I think this is one of them. I also think you’ve posted on here because your gut is telling you his behaviour is not ok. Listen to it. Good luck.

I predict you'll be starting many threads in future saying 'but whyyyyyyyyy .... ?'

We've told you why. He's an arse.

You deserve better.

See everyone is saying he doesn’t like her …

Ok let’s really break this down

Possible explanations for his communication with her are
a.) he likes her and is talking about meeting her etc because he still cares about her and would like something to happen
or
b.) he doesn’t like her but will use her for attention and an ego boost despite being in a relationship with you.

What that means for you. If you remain in the relationship with him you accept
a.) having a partner who is acting on feelings he has for someone despite being in a relationship with you, and therefore could betray your trust again in the future if he has feelings for someone else then
or
b.) having a partner who you accept will sometimes speak to other women to feel better about himself and could betray your trust again in the future or take things even further if he starts out seeking an ego boost then develops feelings for someone.

So are you happy with the above? Is that what you accept for yourself in terms of your relationship?

So why is he texting her when it upsets his girlfriend?

That's by the by. Why are you still even entertaining a relationship with this absolute waste of space??

OP, you don't seem to understand that it doesn't matter what his feelings for her are. He doesn't care about YOU, otherwise he wouldn't be acting this way.

when he has sex with another woman, will you really care what it 'means' and what he feels about her? Because he WILL have sex with another woman at some point if he's acting like this already.

That makes it WORSE.

And does it really matter if he likes her or hates her? Does he like you? Not enough to stop upsetting you.

I suspect the only one he really loves is himself.

Indeed. She’ll be back saying but whyyyyyyyyyyyy did he shag her?’

And still adding ‘he doesn’t even like her’ on repeat

Its like trying to have a discussion with a brick wall