My boyfriend is going back and forth with his ex fling.

[Jakielove]

My man of 6 months is going back and forth with his ex fling of a year ago. I found these messages on his phone because my gut was telling me to check. Messages were of him telling his ex how he doesn’t like how she acts, how she wasn’t special to him etc. Basically texts of them hitting low blows with each other. Keep In mind this relationship lasted on 3 months and ended a year ago. He was the first man she ever slept with, he claims that he doesn’t care for her. Yet why respond when she sends a text ? She sent her number over to him and told him to call her, and I seen the call log and he ended up calling her smh ……. I don’t know what do do ? He claims no feeling are involved

Either isn’t good. If it’s his ego he is not good relationship material as he is letting his need for an ego boost drive his not ok behavior and that is unlikely to change. If he has feelings, why does he lack the courage or backbone to end it with you properly and with dignity and give his previous relationship another chance.

That’s actually worse. Find your self respect, dump him and please do the Freedom Programme.

The mistake would be staying with him.

Even if he isn't still in love with her, look how he's treating her, trying to be deliberately hurtful. That's not a good trait either.

Doesn’t matter. What matters is that he simply isn’t into you. You’re just a chick on the side.

do yourself a favour and read Women Who Love Too Much - you won’t regret it.

Either way leave. There are either feelings involved and he’s a dick for having feelings for her and stringing you along. Or it’s an ego thing and he’s dick for enjoying the attention and stringing you along. Don’t be strung along. And he’s a dick.

Does it matter which OP?

There is a third person in your relationship.

Either you are happy with that or you end things with him and leave them to it.

Dump him, get off mumsnet, go live your life while you're young and beautiful

He’s searching her content, he’s engaging with her, sounds like you were the rebound. Dump

This. He sounds vile.

Sigh. Then enjoy this feeling of destabilisation and discomfort,

Does it matter?

At 6 months in, you should be his 'ego boost'. The only woman occupying his thoughts and soul. You shouldn't be the woman searching his phone and questioning if he has feelings for someone else.

This is her man, not yours.

Your mistake will be staying, throwing away your self-esteem and mental health, while some other woman occupies his mind and possibly heart.

And that makes his behaviour acceptable? Listen to what everyone is telling you.

Also read up on the “pick me dance” 25 so young so many many men available to date..choose someone else op. Your gut told you something was off you found something off and now it’s time to recognize if it’s an ego boost it won’t be the last one.

Honestly? He’s not into either of you, otherwise he would be concentrating on only one of you. Sorry.

Whether or not he has feelings is irrelevant. Do you really want to be with someone who can be so nasty?

Does it matter?
With respect he's just not that into you I'm not bring harsh but if he was he wouldn't be messing around texting other women.

I'm double your age and then some i spent most of my 20,s messing around with men that were not that into me ,frankly it wasn't worh it .

She asked if she was special to him and he said nah, you were someone I cared for but not special. Yet he keeps going back and forth with her

Update she texting him saying this

Her- you wanna see me soon
Her- Jk

Him - I would have said yeah but suit yourself
Her- okay let’s do it
Him- okay it would have to be next weekend though.

I'm not sure whst you want from this?
With the benefit of hindsight i would say walk away but it's up to you i can almost guarantee nothing will come of this.

Well then there is your answer. He’d be willing to meet up, you need to leave him. You KNOW he’s not fully interested in you. What else is there to say? It’s hard but honestly, you’re so young. You don’t believe it now but none of this will be important to you this time next year. Don’t waste your youth on losers.

The only mistake is not running far far far away from this idiot

Do you think he likes her despite being rude to her

Why is he so mean to her but wants to see her ?

OP - he clearly has interest in her. He’s behaving like a little primary school boy who tugs pigtails cos he wants a girls attention - we all know what he really wants is to play kiss chase.

Your followup posts ask repeatedly if he has feelings towards her. None of us on MN are mind readers, but in asking that you’re perhaps suggesting that you’re ok with him flirting and whatever so long as there’s no feelings. Or that he’s justifying this chat because he has no feelings. Would you be ok with him hooking up so long as there’s no feelings? Flirting with other people so long as there’s no feelings? Feelings are entirely overrated - it’s actions. He’s directing attention towards someone else and suggesting he’d meet up etc.

At best he sounds like a total wind up merchant, which I wouldn’t have the patience for myself. Most likely he’s the sort of young man who wants attention and validation - and if it wasn’t towards this ex it’ll be towards someone else down the line. In any case it’s aggro that you neither need or deserve!