My boyfriend is going back and forth with his ex fling.

[Jakielove]

My man of 6 months is going back and forth with his ex fling of a year ago. I found these messages on his phone because my gut was telling me to check. Messages were of him telling his ex how he doesn’t like how she acts, how she wasn’t special to him etc. Basically texts of them hitting low blows with each other. Keep In mind this relationship lasted on 3 months and ended a year ago. He was the first man she ever slept with, he claims that he doesn’t care for her. Yet why respond when she sends a text ? She sent her number over to him and told him to call her, and I seen the call log and he ended up calling her smh ……. I don’t know what do do ? He claims no feeling are involved

Amazing

Here's a useful link: Motivated reasoning - Wikipedia

Words fail me.

The most unreasonable and unreasoning I've ever seen on here I think

Unless the men you spoke with were your brothers and/or father they will have his best interests at heart and not yours. They’re lying.

If you're looking for excuses to stay with him, why ask for advice on here?

The 'men' you asked are talking rubbish. He likes her and is leading you both on.

What?!

You spoke to ‘some men’ so are now feeling ok with ‘your man’ clearly getting validated from conversations with his ex?!

OK we’ll just wait for the ‘he slept with her but he says it meant nothing’ post!

Why come to MUMSNET for advice then ?
Honestly nothing worse than people who ask advice don’t like what they hear so keep asking others until they hear what they want !

Were these men Andrew Tate and his brother?

Fucking hell Op WAKE UP. This post is so irritating - you’ve come on here asking for help or advice - everyone says he’s a dickhead but you know what - you’ve spoken to some men and it’s fine. Are you 13? Stop wasting everyone’s time. He’s clearly infatuated with her but she’s probably waiting for the right time and so is he. But you know - it’s fine the men say it’s fine.

Who cares if he likes her or it's just talking or some men think it's fine.

He's making you unhappy and making you insecure. This is not a good relationship. The end.

No one is drawn to desperation, it's a sign you have lost control of yourself. And when that spirals into stalking, most people run a mile.

FFS OP, are you REALLY THAT STUPID?? You ask other women what they think, they all tell you that you're wasting your time, the guy isn't into you, and you ignore them. You ask a couple of BIG, CLEVER MEN - MEN WHO ARE TO BE LISTENED TO, AND OBEYED, and the minute they say it's fine, you listen to them!!

Girl, you have seriously lost the plot!! I'm outta here!

This is about the millionth thread she’s started about useless men who cheat and treat her like shit and rather than dumping their scummy arses, she just continually asks ‘but why does he……..?’

Sadly you can’t help some people

That's it, ladies, not to worry, @Jakielove has spoken to men, how can we possibly compare?

@Jakielove you've pretty much had over 150 people here tell you this behaviour is not right but you seem to naively want to stay with this man.

So do it, stay with him, feel forever insecure in your relationship, spend your days worrying, spying, not trusting, feeling inferior. Every time your boyfriend goes out with friends without inviting you, spend your time wondering if he is with her. Get to the point of no return, instead of trusting your instinct (which actually brought you asking on mumsnet in the first bloody place!)

Go look at your 25 year old face in the mirror now. Then remember that face when you're older, more wrinkly, greyer, wishing and praying you hadn't wasted the best years of your life on a man that over 150 people have told you is a knob.

Oh and don't forget to get pregnant and tied to this man for the rest of your life so he can continue to be unsupportive, manipulative and gas light you and continue to make your life a misery.

🤷‍♀️

Or you could actually sort your shit out and dump him, learn your worth and do better!

You go for it then love. Enjoy!

Agree. We don't need to know more here.

Plus you'll be next in line OP. Just tell him you're not ready for a relationship and go enjoy your 20s. Life is too short for this.

Update. I’ve found some other men with questionable morals who support my decision to hang on hopelessly to a man who will always have one foot out the door so I’m going to hang tight and waste my twenties on him. Thanks for nothing mumsnet.

When (not IF as they will meet up) what do you think they'll be doing? it won't be PG13.

Are you just hanging around waiting for him to physically cheat before you break up? Don't do this to yourself, respect yourself. He doesn't sound like a kind man.

Its only a 6 month relationship not a 10 year marriage, it's not something worth saving.

Also, sorry to say but you sound jealous of his ex. You're obsessed with whether he likes her or not and it's very obvious he has feelings for her. He isn't a prize, don't fight for garbage. You deserve better!

The men were my cousins that u got this information from. I appreciate all the help. I’m no longer going to stay with him. I’m very hurt and confused. they dated for three months and within those three months all they did was argue .

I found other texts in his phone between them.

this was about two weeks ago

Her- can you get me some sushi

Him- yeah post on your social media that I’m the best with my name.

Her - nope, just admit that you miss me.

him- nope if I missed you, trust we would be together .

Those three months were probably the most alive they'd ever felt and they're both yearning back to it. The adrenaline and the fireworks.

Let them get on with it, probably damage each other. The one thing both relationships have in common - is him.

Chalk it up to experience and walk away. No, skip away.

Block them both on social media and do not stalk them.

Maybe give yourself some manfree time and do some maturing and self-esteem building. Good luck.

Dump him.

So your latest post shows he is a narcissist or at least a manipulative shit bag. Bin him. It doesn't matter if he has feelings for her. You deserve better and your cousins have given you shit advice sorry to say.

Why would you want him?

All your texts show is what an utterly unpleasant nasty man he is.

Get rid of him for that alone.