My boyfriend is going back and forth with his ex fling.

[Jakielove]

My man of 6 months is going back and forth with his ex fling of a year ago. I found these messages on his phone because my gut was telling me to check. Messages were of him telling his ex how he doesn’t like how she acts, how she wasn’t special to him etc. Basically texts of them hitting low blows with each other. Keep In mind this relationship lasted on 3 months and ended a year ago. He was the first man she ever slept with, he claims that he doesn’t care for her. Yet why respond when she sends a text ? She sent her number over to him and told him to call her, and I seen the call log and he ended up calling her smh ……. I don’t know what do do ? He claims no feeling are involved

Doesn't matter really. He's clearly entertaining her and that should be your clue to let him go, as he doesn't seem fully invested in your relationship. 6 months is too soon for this drama - you should be all over each other still.

Im really sorry OP. I think you’d be better off rid.

The first sentence tells me everything there is to know. “my man if 6 months is going back and forth with an ex”

it’s not your man

Having read most of this OP must be about 14 no adult woman could possibly think they were a girlfriend in this situation. You mean nothing to him who cares what she means

You’ve only been together a short time and you’ve ended up in a relationship where someone treats you like an option and not a priority, where you’ve both breached boundaries (him with contacting her and you with checking his phone) and when presented with clear evidence of him discussing meeting her you’ve given the impression his behaviour would be acceptable if he was using her to boost his ego and didn’t have feelings for her. In addition to all that he’s clearly not that nice if he speaks to someone that way. Once you’ve ended this please take some time off dating and work on your self esteem and understanding of healthy relationships.

The wording, the endless questions, the non stop ‘but whys’ - this is all sounding very very familiar.

You need a new hobby OP

You should definitely stick with him. The drama sounds really exciting! Lucky you!

this has to be one of the most frustrating posters on mumsnet.

I’m pretty sure it’s not ‘another poster’

The endless threads ignoring all comments and just asking ‘but why’ been done on repeat

Tell him to come back when he’s grown up.

Well he’s clearly interested in something otherwise why is he engaging with her.

Why are you giving him & this so much headspace, and not just showing him the door? He is not treating you well.

I don’t think he’s “your man” then. 6 months in & frequent contact with ex? Check that you’re not the “rebound” or that he is at least ready for a new relationship. (Don’t check that with him - have a think yourself about what you are willing to put up with, want from the relationship etc. 6 months are not long and the “honeymoon period”, so these things would be red flags to me, I’m afraid)

You will be fine! You are worth more than being second best. He’s not for you & sounds like a bit of an immature wet blanket.

Well done - end it today, don’t wait!
You’ll get through by remembering he’s a dickhead who showed you no respect.
Block him on a channels so he can’t weasel his way back in. Onwards and upwards! 👍🏻

End it before he ends it. You’re only 25, and he sounds mentally 16. Get out OP, and enjoy the next few years of meeting lovely men!

Have you never heard of treat them mean, keep them keen?
They are playing games with each other, shes teasing him, he does like it but is coming across as mean as he thinks it gives him the power!!

Listen to us when we say this stupid little fuck boy is not worth your attention!! Dump him, do better, know your worth!!!

He's clearly a man child and enjoys the attention this girl brings, if she offers it up on a plate do you really think he will say no? Of course he won't.
Dump him and leave him to it.

I’m finished I think he has us both in a trio and it’s not fair. She lost her virginity to him a year ago so that’s maybe why she keeps going back. He told me he didn’t want to be with her anymore and that’s why they ended things. At this point I think it’s all lies

He's absolutely awful.
I'm going to take this at face value and assume that you aren't actually the ex and that you aren't just on a wind up. Dump this fucker. You can see from the way he is behaving with his ex that if you and he were to split up, he'd behave in exactly the same way and that will trash your self-esteem in no time.

Cone on now.

You're 25. There's loads of time to meet a decent man and even if you never do, being single is far better than putting up with this crap from an immature, disrespectful, idiot.

You don't know how you are going to get through this? It's been six months. You were doing fine before you met him snd you'll do fine again afterwards. He's been a waste of your time but a lesson in what you are no longer willing to accept.

A better question to ask yourself is what do I want in a partner and what are your immediate deal breakers - start with maturity, respect, kindness, honesty etc.

Figure out what is causing you to accept his behaviour so far and what's going to help you not repeat the same mistakes again.

He's not worth a minute more of your time.

whatever it is ego boost or feelings for her. It doesn’t matter.

The outcome is the same and it’s not looking good for you as you’re there chasing and obsessing. Basically you’re the one with ‘more’ feelings and that’s not the best position to be in

He sounds immature.
You are only 25, get out of his mess and move on. With someone more mature.

And what does that tell you about him? That your relationship is not enough for him, he needs an external ego boost. I'd be dumping him.

He sounds delightful. Not.

Run fast. You’re worth more than this 14 year old boy-man.

I’d move on. If best case it is just an ego thing, you don’t want to be living on edge waiting to see if this man needs another ego boost from someone else. If he’s not into the ex then he’s actually being pretty unkind stringing her along to boost his ego. None of this is attractive.

Based on what you've said I think it's very clear he does have feelings for her. He's mean to her because he's 'negging' - a thing shitty men do where they deliberately undermine the confidence of women they are interested in, in the hope that the woman in question will try and prove him wrong by trying to get his attention and interest. He is manipulating his ex into giving him attention by pretending she means nothing to him so that she keeps trying to prove him wrong.

But I think it's important to state that even if he didn't have feelings for her, his behaviour would still be despicable because it shows he doesn't care about you at all. He is completely disrespecting you in order to get attention from somebody else. A person who does that could never put you first or stand up for you. You would always be someone he would keep around for the convenience of having a girlfriend, but drop when the opportunity of attention from someone else came along.

I'm very glad you're going to break up with him. You are so young, and this relationship has only been going on for six months. You would be crazy to throw your beautiful youth away on a man who doesn't like, love or respect you, who is virtually guaranteed to cheat, and who would always make you anxious and paranoid.