My boyfriend is going back and forth with his ex fling.

[Jakielove]

My man of 6 months is going back and forth with his ex fling of a year ago. I found these messages on his phone because my gut was telling me to check. Messages were of him telling his ex how he doesn’t like how she acts, how she wasn’t special to him etc. Basically texts of them hitting low blows with each other. Keep In mind this relationship lasted on 3 months and ended a year ago. He was the first man she ever slept with, he claims that he doesn’t care for her. Yet why respond when she sends a text ? She sent her number over to him and told him to call her, and I seen the call log and he ended up calling her smh ……. I don’t know what do do ? He claims no feeling are involved

Op he is mean to you too ffs !

He is mean because she is a dick and he treats women like toys .
This isn’t about wether he likes you better or wether he loves her. He’s playing games with you both . Only perils he cares about is himself .

You can see the way he is speaking to her and you still want to be with him. He is a pig .

Read your update OP. Great decision to dump!

How you’re going to get through this? Let the feelings wash over you. You may be angry or sad sometimes but that will come and go and gradually get less. Just let it happen

And distract is always a good tactic. Someone earlier said get dressed up, gather some friends and and meet someone new. That’s also what I found works best.

Or get yourself a hobby, travel, new job, volunteer etc.

Basically throw yourself into life

Why are you so hung up on whether he has feelings for her? Wondering why he is acting this way, why she is acting this way etc etc. All you need to know is that he is disrespecting you and your relationship, that's it. Just dump him, he sounds like a right twat.

It doesn’t matter why. Stop focusing on whether he feels anything for her and start thinking about how he’s treating you. You keep asking if people think he has feelings for her, what does it matter, he’s still treating you like crap.

At your emotional expense.
Dump him. He's either yo-yo-ing or he's just a cock.

Look at how this man boosts his ego and run for the hills. It'll be you on the receiving end of his ego boosts one day.

regardless of what feelings he has, he is been awful to his ex and awful to you. He is not a nice man- you can do better if you put up with this now it will set a standard and it wont get better. This only future of this relationship is constant hurt feeling for you. End it without hesitation, he will tell you he has not feeling for her because he is messing with your head, and hers by the sound of it

He's keeping his options open so he can have sex with her again if he's single. Its called breadcrumbing. He responds enough to keep her on the hook, but not enough do anything. She is just someone to have sex with.

As for his feelings for you, he does not respect you, particularly if you have said you don't like him contacting his ex and he's still doing it.

He is keeping you on a string too.

You are worth so much more. You are worth someone who gives you all his time and attention and only wants you.

If he really wanted you, he would not be texting her.

Dump him. Tell him you are worth me then he is prepared to give you and its his loss. Then block him, delete his number, remove him from your Instagram and socials and block him there.

I know it's hard, but it will be harder in a year when you'll be more invested.

The only mistake you’re making is giving this your attention and time. Put him in the bin and move on.

If a man likes you, he’ll be all in and you won’t need to ask questions.

Of course it’s all lies. The issue isn’t that, it’s that you have wasted so much time and energy thinking about it all. Essentially he’s a lying cheating arsehole, you’re right to dump him and block. Don’t waste another moment trying to work him out.

Then, as I said before, do the Freedom Programme, it’s a life changer.

Run, love.

Stop speculating is it this, is it that. Stop pulling yourself apart and driving yourself into a frenzy with wondering.

It's exactly what it looks like.

They have very recent history together, unfinished business, and the fireworks are blazing on both sides.

You're basically the other woman.

You are standing in the middle, in between them, and you're going to get burned.

There's billions of men out there - and this one's taken.

He is an arsehole. You don’t need to know any more.

It doesn't matter whether he likes her or not.
If he likes her and this is a weird way of flirting he is messing with you and doesn't care enough to be loyal to you and block the 'fling'.
If he doesn't like her ...even worse. He is being deliberately cruel to her while keeping her dangling on a string when he should be blocking her not sending her cruel texts. ...And apparently this other woman was a Virgin before him? Her first real relationship? And he treats her like this? If he isn't in to her why isn't he letting her down gently? Saying kind things then blocking her? Is this the type of man you want a relationship with op? Not a man I could admire, trust or want to be with. And you have seen how he treats women when he breaks up with them ..and how he is treating you by keeping this texting going. Beware. He is treating you badly now and it is in his nature to treat you like he treats the ex if you break up. Save your self respect and get rid. 💐

OP, he's just enjoying the attention - it's an ego boost.
he's got 2 "on the go" - even if one is just texting at the moment.

but if he's the kind of person who's perfectly happy doing this, it's a pretty short hop to him being happy meeting up with her for something more physical.

he's already shown you and her that he's comfortable having sex with someone he's not particularly interested in.

it's fairly clear to me that he's not that committed to you - whether he has feelings for his ex or not (he doesn't - it's just easy).

i'm sure you can also see this. you just need to allow yourself to believe it.

Hmm.. this reads like a couple of threads not long ago which sounded very similar. The constant questioning and ignoring of replies...

Yep - the endless ‘but whyyyyyyyyyyyyy’ with no acknowledgement of any advice all seems very familiar

Well done on dumping him. Now - don't be tempted to answer any further communication from him at all. If mutual friends start to tell you stuff about him - cut them off 'He's history - don't want to know what he's up to'. Arrange some fun stuff this weekend with family and friends and put this all behind you

It really doesn't matter what he thinks or feels about his ex. It's you that's being upset by his actions and your feelings count much more than his or the ex's. And you do not have to take this disrespectful behaviour from him or anyone else.

What do you do? Ditch him and know your worth and find someone that treats you with the full love and respect like you deserve 🚩🏃‍♀️

No i don’t agree. The woman who is married to the man doing this after 30 years is worse, ‘but why but why does this other woman do this?’

who cares what anyone else is doing!!! know your own worth and get rid of him and his lies.

What do you think you might be making a mistake about

Why are you so focussed on whether you’re better/liked more than her or not and not on whether you like him or not?

you are far far too emotionally immature to be dating so you will get hurt over and over again until you get it.

you probably have issues from your childhood you need to sort out, maybe a parent wasn’t around so you’re desperate to prove to someone/anyone that you’re valuable.

I wouldn’t date if I were you op until you’ve had some counselling. You’re not ready and will just pick badly again.

30 years 😬? Crikey.

Here’s the thread but be advised you might pull your hair out:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5311466-husband-had-an-affair-advice-needed?page=1

Then he's cruel. So you're options are either he's a cheater or he's cruel, OP. You can do better.

Update I’ve talked to some men about this and this is what they said
“That is not cheating just talking. And he hates her, so no worries.”