My boyfriend is going back and forth with his ex fling.

[Jakielove]

My man of 6 months is going back and forth with his ex fling of a year ago. I found these messages on his phone because my gut was telling me to check. Messages were of him telling his ex how he doesn’t like how she acts, how she wasn’t special to him etc. Basically texts of them hitting low blows with each other. Keep In mind this relationship lasted on 3 months and ended a year ago. He was the first man she ever slept with, he claims that he doesn’t care for her. Yet why respond when she sends a text ? She sent her number over to him and told him to call her, and I seen the call log and he ended up calling her smh ……. I don’t know what do do ? He claims no feeling are involved

What do you mean by he wants to play kiss and chase … ?

It’s a common phrase - school boys tease/pick on school girls to end up playing games like kiss chase. I’m suggesting he’s behaving like a school boy.

Makes sense… why do you think he is rude to her yet responds?? Is it because he actually likes her deep down ?

Give 20 men one chance rather than 1 man 20 chances.

Dear god woman!!!! Move on already because he sure hasn’t.

You are dating and the point about dating is to see if you are compatible and you aren’t. Your bf is being mean to and stringing along an ex, whilst being in a relationship with you. That’s all you need to know.

He isn’t a nice guy.

Why are you bothered if he likes her? Why are you so bothered about if he has feelings or not?

As I said before the ‘feelings’ don’t matter. Him giving attention to her is clearly bothering you. FWIW it sounds like he loves attention and even if he doesn’t end up shagging her (or the next person who gives him attention), your instinct is telling you it’s not right.

He also follows her on social media and views all her stories …

He isn't your boyfriend. He's just a boy who is your friend, and he's keeping his options open. If you're questioning what he's doing on his phone/who he's contacting already, and he's giving you cause to be concerned/keeping in contact with flings then he's not especially interested in your feelings. You're 25 - presumably he's young too - do yourself a favor and find someone who actually wants to be your boyfriend and wants to have an exclusive relationship. This guy doesn't. Don't waste any time fretting about it or setting ultimatums or having arguments etc etc - just calmly tell him that clearly you are both not on the same page in terms of what it means to be in a committed and loving relationship, and that you're moving on. Wish him well. Byeeeee. And, if you can, book yourself on a little holiday somewhere warm and lovely (or whatever or wherever it is you enjoy - heck, a weekend in London? A few days in Ibiza? A cycling holiday in the south of France? A roadtrip across america??) and go off and have a great time unburdened by anyone else. Have fun!!! Plenty more fish in the sea

I appreciate it…
how do you think he feels about the ex fling base off of what I’ve posted?

Who cares?? You could play this game with every single of his actions. The person you should be asking his him, not us. The fact you're trying to figure out the "why" of what he's doing and he's not interested in avoiding doing stuff that would obviously bother you should tell you all you need to know! He's given you red flags - you can either choose to accept him red flags and all (which means you don't get to be bothered by that behaviour anymore...) or you can end things and find someone else who doesn't prompt this behind the scenes "I need to ask mumsnet why he is doing XYZ" nonsense. Here's a rule for the next relationship: if he's doing something that makes you want to ask mumsnet about it then LEAVE.

Tell boyfriend that it is not cool nor respectful to you nor grown up in any way to continue following his ex girl friend.

Ask him if he would mind cutting contact?
If he abides and is not fazed in doing so, keep going out with him.
If he responds with no understanding, give him the flick.

Why TF do you care what I think? Who cares what he thinks about her? As I've already said: the only person who knows how he feels about her is him. And in any event, what does it matter?? He's already demonstrating how he feels: he feels like he wants to keep talking to her. With the greatest respect in the world: grow up a bit. You're asking questions that kids ask in playgrounds because they haven't learned to respect themselves yet.

And also: how would he feel if his current GF was still having flirty chats with her ex-fling/boyfriend/shag-buddy etc etc? The answer is: he would hate it.

I just don’t get how’s he still stuck on someone he dated for three months last year… plus the argued all the time …

His actions are of a man child who really likes or is in love with his ex. But instead of telling her that he's acting mean, then nice towards her to trst the waters and see if she still has feelings for him.

As harsh as it may sound to you, but you really need to hear it - You're his back up plan for sex and attention and he's totally stringing you along. Forget what he's saying to either of you and focus on his actions. His actions are telling you everything.

I know you're hopeful that he just wants her attention and that's not good either but reading between the lines he's very into her. Your gut knows it. You know it! But you're lying to yourself.

Fuck him off! You deserve better! I promise you. You deserve better.

You clearly don’t want to end things with him, despite us all saying that he is playing you. Why would he be meeting her, other than to have sex with her. Walk away.

jesus Christ op, he’s not that into you, he’s far more into her, tell him you deserve a relationship where you’re the only love interest in their life, that’s obviously not him and please leave. Then block and move on.

Yes he has feelings for her. It's also a really bad sign that he is so rude and disrespectful to her. Maybe it's some kind of horrible 'banter' their dynamic has. Whichever, you can do so much better. How is your self-esteem? A new boyfriend who was busy engaging with his ex would be an instant turn off for me and I would move on. How come it's not like that for you?

@Jakielove Here's how it is. He doesn't really care for either of you. He loves the attention he is getting from both of you, and he likes the fact that he has a lot of power over you both. That's why he is being rude to her. To see how far he can push it before she retreats. It doesn't make him respect her, the opposite, but it feeds his curiosity.

You are also in this game. You let him contact the ex, and still stay. Its all about his ego. You are puppets in his game. Up to you if that's the kind of dynamic you want to live with, where it will never be about you, your needs and respect, but at least do it knowingly.

It might be the ex right now, there will be others. He is pulling in all the energies from others he can possibly get. You're just one of them.

If you keep seeing him you are going to get nothing but grief. Walk away from him and from any other man that treats you with disrespect. You are worth more than this.

Obviously he has feelings for her if he’s going to meet up with her otherwise why bother.
That’s just my opinion of course. I can’t see any other reason for them meeting up.
He’s hedging his bets by seeing the two of you at once.
Have some self respect and finish it with him or you’ll end up very hurt.
You're young you’ll soon find someone else whose really into you.

My god, have some self respect and end this.
Every scenario you’ve painted here isn’t good.

• If he’s not interested in her and after an ego boost - no good. He’ll always want that ego boost from other women.

• If he’s not interested in her he’s being a dickhead to both her and you. Stringing you both along.

• He’s agreed to meet up with her and will cheat on you. Even if he doesn’t, he shouldn’t be interested in messaging her at all if he’s interested in you.

End it and find someone who wants YOU.

It’s because he wants to fuck her with no commitments and she’s stupid enough to let him.

Don’t be like her.

Why is she a fling but you’re not, after only six months when you’re clearly not exclusive? He’s not your man. He’s a wannabe player and you are allowing it.

Let this one go, he’s a knob.

Omg what have I read. You are young. Move on. He’ll only ever be trouble.

Do you think he likes her

Jesus fucking Christ why are you asking the same version of the same thing over and over again? Why does it matter whether he likes her? He's behaving like a dickhead. Don't date a dickhead. The end.