My boyfriend is going back and forth with his ex fling.

[Jakielove]

My man of 6 months is going back and forth with his ex fling of a year ago. I found these messages on his phone because my gut was telling me to check. Messages were of him telling his ex how he doesn’t like how she acts, how she wasn’t special to him etc. Basically texts of them hitting low blows with each other. Keep In mind this relationship lasted on 3 months and ended a year ago. He was the first man she ever slept with, he claims that he doesn’t care for her. Yet why respond when she sends a text ? She sent her number over to him and told him to call her, and I seen the call log and he ended up calling her smh ……. I don’t know what do do ? He claims no feeling are involved

You obviously are not willing to accept that he still fancies her. Perhaps he is just in it for an ego boost but either way he his willing to meet her behind your back.
You haven't been with him long and he is already planning to cheat. It doesn't matter what his reasons are.. get some self respect and dump him or you will be posting scenarios like this on MN for ever.

You’ve come up with two options in your head.

1. he likes her more than you - you’re dismissing that because he’s with you and his texts are in your opinion ‘rude’. We’re all telling you, that engaging with her is proof it’s more than that regardless of what he says. She believes he likes HER more.

2. is that it’s ‘just’ an ego boost to him - you seem to be drawn to this explanation because it means he likes you and is playing with her for his own gain, so you deem yourself more important. Why on earth would this scenario be ok to you? Why on earth would you like a man who is playing with another woman’s feelings like this?

In both scenarios he is a cheat, using one woman for his own gain while keeping the other there just in case.

He may not end up with either of you but what’s for sure is he has the hallmarking of a cheat who will go onto cause a lot of heartbreak.

You need to get out and fast.

YABU to not know what to do. Dump him and never look back, why waste another breath on a loser?

This.

He v much stuck and loves the drama,the texts. He’s into her
Wakey, wakey. You really don’t need to accept this crap. Unless you like drama too
Doesn't matter that they only dated 3mth. They dated. They have history.They remain in contact

Run the fuck away

Sigh. By the sounds of you, you're going to be doing the pick me dance with this knob (and probably future knobs) for a long time.

These posts sound AI-generated.

You lost me at "my man".

Which he isn't.

The only mistake being made is you putting up with this guy.
If you were in a committed relationship with each other he wouldn't be responding to her shit, let alone commenting on pictures, her long feet??
He sounds as if he's got other problems going on, he sounds about 13.
-That is probably doing some 13 year olds a deservice though.

Why are you wasting your time?

Who cares what his reasons are. Have some dignity and ditch him.

From what you have posted OP, he is definitely interested in this other woman. He’s being rude to her to hide how he really feels so if she rejects him, he can pretend he doesn’t care and didn’t like her anyway. It sounds like he isn’t hiding this from you which to me is very disturbing as it indicates a lack of respect and care for you and your feelings. This man is not a keeper. I would stop trying to shape a narrative that makes him innocent and put yourself first and get rid of him.

Ok but he doesn’t sound that into you either if he is acting like that. Sorry if it sounds harsh. Find someone better

“WaltzingWaters · Today 06:23

My god, have some self respect and end this.
Every scenario you’ve painted here isn’t good.
If he’s not interested in her and after an ego boost - no good. He’ll always want that ego boost from other women.
If he’s not interested in her he’s being a dickhead to both her and you. Stringing you both along.
He’s agreed to meet up with her and will cheat on you. Even if he doesn’t, he shouldn’t be interested in messaging her at all if he’s interested in you.
End it and find someone who wants YOU.”

This with bells on. This man is bad for you. He’s interested in his ex in some way or other and clearly doesn’t really care about you. He’s also really mean to her and about her which suggests he’s not a nice guy. This man is not the one for you, OP - he sounds toxic and dysfunctional.

You’re the ex aren’t you? And you want us to say he has feelings for you?

I think You both should leave this guy alone.

Now I know you’re the ex.

There was another poster last year who was in the same situation. Would pretend to be the girlfriend but was really the ex wanting to know if feelings were still there. Having so much easy access to messages was one massive clue…as well as the constant “does he have feelings?”

Because she’s the ex! She wants him to have feelings.

You've repeatedly posted asking us why he's doing this. Do we think he has feelings? Why is he contacting his "ex fling"...why why why. You've had answers but you gloss over what everyone is saying and go straight back to obsessing over him.

1. A fling ....you're minimising their relationship. They had a relationship
2. You call him My man. He's not your man. He's just a man you're having a fling with?
3. He's into her.....and you and maybe a girl he met yesterday
4. You seem to be unable to let go.
5. You seem the one obsessed over a fling and not moving on
6. You are his back up in case he can't reignite that fling.

Read your posts back. Take a breath. Hold your head high and walk away from him.

You do not need a relationship. It doesn't define you. It should be a nice thing in your life not a source of angst or pain. Wait until you love yourself enough to not put up with shite from those that don’t or can't love you as you deserve.

Op he wants sex with his ex and still got feelings for her...she still has feelings for him. If neither wanted sex etc they block each other ....does that help seeing it in black and white. Get rid and move on . You deserve better than someone who's playing two maybe three woman at the same time. Get a sti test too

I wish I was the ex. I’m going to end things with him tomorrow, I don’t know how I’m going to get through this.

Stop embarrassing yourself.

You’re obviously the ex. Who knows if he has feelings for you, he probably just wants a shag behind his current girlfriend’s back.

Get some self respect!

Unless she is edwardian and keeps a man servant maybe

Anyway, it does sound quite strange op. I'd also feel uncomfortable with it

Of course or he wouldn't be replying or ringing her. If she is really just an ex fling (whatever that is) he would have moved on completely.

@Jakielove I know it is a cliche but i really suggest you get some attachment focused therapy.

Insecurity and intrigue and trying to work out what’s really going on and whether he likes you or her whilst you completely have missed the bigger picture about his suitability and how secure he actually makes you feel and what it would actually be like trying to have a long term relationship with him makes me suspect you have developed a preoccupied insecure attachment pattern which would be really helpful for you to explore and understand.

You deserve to feel valued and secure in relationships.

It doesn't matter which you are, current ex or future ex. He's awful.