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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to take 30 minutes to get to school when they call?

201 replies

Hermitintraining · 25/06/2025 10:50

Dd felt unwell at school yesterday, I was called to collect her.
As it happened I was off work but in the middle of something at home, so I told them ok, I will be about 30 minutes. School is a 15 minute drive away (secondary).
When I got there I got told that it was too long. Dd had a headache and felt unwell but hadn’t actually been sick, I think she was just too hot as she was fine once home. I commented that if I had been at work it would have been closer to an hour to collect. The office area had about 5 other kids all waiting to be collected and when I asked dd she said they had all been waiting at least as long as she had. Dd was just sitting there quietly, she is no trouble and this isn’t something that happens very often for her.

Primary school we were always told that around 30 minutes was ok. It seems entirely reasonable to me, surely most parents can’t just drop everything and be at school in moments? It feels like secondary, with much longer travel involved, should be the same if not longer tbh. I understand that they don’t want ill kids hanging about and it must be a pain, but there was no need for the drama it was turned into.

So am I unreasonable to think 30 minutes to get to school is actually fine?

OP posts:
Floridamuma · 25/06/2025 10:53

Ofcourse it’s fine. The school are being unreasonable. You can’t help where you are when they call and it wasn’t an emergency

ignore them

NuffSaidSam · 25/06/2025 10:54

You get there as soon as you can, if that's half an hour then that's fine. It'd also be fine if it was an hour or more. It takes as long as it takes.

Did you tell them that you were 'in the middle of something at home', it might be that they're having a dig at rather than the actual time it took.

If it takes an hour because you're an hour away, fine. If it takes an hour because you're ten minutes away but just started an episode of Succession then that's not ok.

UndermyShoeJoe · 25/06/2025 10:54

It takes as long as it takes if there is nobody who can collect closer it is what it is.

It takes me 30 minutes minimum to get to one of mine I can’t get there any faster and nor could dh.

Dizzy or headache and feels sick is hardly an emergency just sitting calm and quiet with a cool drink while they wait shouldn’t be a problem.

Though at secondary school it would be handy if they could just get permission to send home. Mines still walking even if she feels sick because I don’t drive and I could walk up to meet her means she would leave faster and I’d meet her about half way.

rainbob · 25/06/2025 10:55

Schools just want you know who’s in charge, ignore them.

ShoutOutLucile · 25/06/2025 10:56

Perhaps they felt snowed under with all of those sick people and took it out on you as an easy target. Woman at home.

At our secondary school, they ‘release’ them if they are sent home sick and they can wait outside or in the office or they can leave.

yestothat · 25/06/2025 10:57

Tbh I would have dropped what I was doing at home and left to pick her up straight away.

what were you doing that was more important?

Westfacing · 25/06/2025 10:57

Six children all sick - what was going on?

CandiedPrincess · 25/06/2025 10:57

I work over an hour away, so no, not unreasonable! Do they think mums are just sitting at home twiddling their thumbs all day?

SoftPillow · 25/06/2025 11:02

Half an hour is fine if that’s how long it takes because you are some distance away.

15 mins of ‘being in the middle of something’ plus a 15 minute drive is less than ideal. Depending of course on what you were actually doing. I’m so curious about what it was, can I ask?

I live some distance from the school and if we get a call to collect I always tell them how long I’m going to be and why. They’ve always understood.

BogRollBOGOF · 25/06/2025 11:10

Few people could reasonably make it in much less than 30 mins. Especially at secondaries where SAHMs are less common and schools are further away.

I used to manage about 10 mins to the primary if I was avaliable in the house, 5 mins for shoes/ coat etc, and 5 mins to walk.

I did once end up appologising for not answering sooner to the secondary as I was swimming in a lake and missed the call. I then had to unpeel myself from neoprene and drive over. It was more than 30 mins! At least DS had said that I was probably in the middle of a lake when it went to answerphone like that's a totally regular reason to be unavaliable Grin

The irony is that if a parent is a teacher, you'd have the palaver of getting the message through the school then sorting cover before being able to leave. They won't be there within 30 mins.

cryptide · 25/06/2025 11:18

School is being silly. I suspect few parents can easily get there within less than 30 minutes when called. If it was urgent, they should obviously have told you and/or considered taking your daughter to A&E.

Original poster
Hermitintraining · 25/06/2025 11:18

I was actually waiting for the Tesco driver to finish unloading the van with our weekly shop, he’d just pulled up when my phone rang. He unloaded the van, I put the cold stuff away and then left. No one else at home and I would have been longer had he arrived later, as that was the delivery slot I had. Not very exciting!

I didn’t say where I was or what I was doing. No landline, they called my mobile so I could have been anywhere. School told me that dd was feeling sick and had a headache, I needed to collect her. I said ok, I will be about 30 minutes. That was it.

I don’t think anything was going on with school, it’s a massive secondary with approx 2000 students. Having 5 or 6 feeling ill doesn’t seem so strange?

OP posts:
Gotabadfeelingaboutthis · 25/06/2025 11:22

I think it depends entirely on the situation. 30 mins is not unreasonable if that is genuinely the quickest you can make it (ie at work or wherever). An hour is not unreasonable if you physically can't get there quicker. But I do think it is unreasonable if you COULD have got there sooner to collect your poorly child, and decided not to because it wasn't as convenient for you. They have to be supervised, which takes adults away from other things in school like teaching, or supporting learning, and if she had have thrown up, shes potentially then risking spreading it around unnecessarily. So it depends on the situation. (Edited based on update)

Natsku · 25/06/2025 11:36

Not unreasonable at all. I would not be able to get to school in less than 30 minutes because I work in another town, though if it was something really urgent I'd ask FIL to pick DS up.

DD is in upper school and can just leave if she feels ill, though the one time that happened mid-school day she felt too ill to bike home but OH wasn't working so he picked her up.

honeylulu · 25/06/2025 11:44

Yes it's unreasonable of school. I'm sure we'd all love to travel via time portals but sadly they haven't been invented yet.

To look at it from their point of view, school resources, including admin staff, are stretched to the max and they don't have the time to be watching over/tending sick kids. And if they actually have a sick bug or streaming cold they want to viruses out of the building ASAP before they spread any more.

But you can only get there when you can and 30 mins is not unreasonable. I can remember being called to collect my eldest from nursery when I was in the office in London. I said OK I'll come now but it's going to take me an hour and a half to get home and pick up my car then another 10 mins to drive. Oh no they said you need to come now. Yes i am coming now and this is how long it's going to take???

They can "tell you off" all they like but the reality is you get there as soon as you can get there and if that's not soon enough for their liking then tough.

Fuzzypinetree · 25/06/2025 11:48

Not unreasonable. I currently manage to drive to DS's primary school in about 5 minutes, if I'm at home. But I'm on maternity leave.
Once I start back at work, I'll take way longer. It takes me 30 minutes just to drive from my school to his...and I'd have to sort cover out first.

TwoShades1 · 25/06/2025 12:09

Sounds perfectly reasonable. We have kids across 3 schools and drive times vary between 5 mins and 45 mins. That’s assuming we could leave immediately. If it was an emergency they would surely call an ambulance not wait for a parent to arrive.

Secularbeaver · 25/06/2025 12:12

I was out when I got the phone call a few weeks ago and had to shocker walk to get my little one. Took 35 mins in blistering heat - school were absolutely fine about it. As was she since she'd made a miraculous recovery in that time and walked back home 🫣😂

crackofdoom · 25/06/2025 12:16

honeylulu · 25/06/2025 11:44

Yes it's unreasonable of school. I'm sure we'd all love to travel via time portals but sadly they haven't been invented yet.

To look at it from their point of view, school resources, including admin staff, are stretched to the max and they don't have the time to be watching over/tending sick kids. And if they actually have a sick bug or streaming cold they want to viruses out of the building ASAP before they spread any more.

But you can only get there when you can and 30 mins is not unreasonable. I can remember being called to collect my eldest from nursery when I was in the office in London. I said OK I'll come now but it's going to take me an hour and a half to get home and pick up my car then another 10 mins to drive. Oh no they said you need to come now. Yes i am coming now and this is how long it's going to take???

They can "tell you off" all they like but the reality is you get there as soon as you can get there and if that's not soon enough for their liking then tough.

The DC's last primary:
"Can you come and pick your DC up NOW, it's just started snowing?"
Me:
"Luckily I'm already on my way back from working in a town about an hour's drive away- I'll be about half an hour".
Them:
"But-but- we need you here NOW!"

Oh I'll just teleport then shall I? 🙄

It was only a very light dusting of snow in the end.

pharmer · 25/06/2025 12:17

I think you should be leaving straightaway not in 15 minutes.

TheNightingalesStarling · 25/06/2025 12:17

Next week I'm going to be 5hrs away from the school at the start of the day (travelling back to the area, will be home by the time it ends but our childcare has to leave as soon DD leaves). I know several other people who do similar... there will be a patent there by home time, or not long after (as this is secondary) but not during the school day. All travelling for work.

K0OLA1D · 25/06/2025 12:18

pharmer · 25/06/2025 12:17

I think you should be leaving straightaway not in 15 minutes.

And leave all the food to spoil? Nah.

RareMaker · 25/06/2025 12:19

I couldn't get there in 30mins.

ByLemonFish · 25/06/2025 12:21

Many years ago I was deputy manager of a day nursery. My daughter attended the school opposite. They rang to say she had fallen on ice on her way.
Due to staffing levels I couldn't leave nursery until 2 hours later.
My daughter had a broken elbow and I felt awful but I got there as soon as I could

Poopeepoopee · 25/06/2025 12:21

pharmer · 25/06/2025 12:17

I think you should be leaving straightaway not in 15 minutes.

I think it was fine to take time to put the shopping away.We are parents, not emergency medical care.