AIBU to take 30 minutes to get to school when they call?

[Hermitintraining]

Dd felt unwell at school yesterday, I was called to collect her.
As it happened I was off work but in the middle of something at home, so I told them ok, I will be about 30 minutes. School is a 15 minute drive away (secondary).
When I got there I got told that it was too long. Dd had a headache and felt unwell but hadn’t actually been sick, I think she was just too hot as she was fine once home. I commented that if I had been at work it would have been closer to an hour to collect. The office area had about 5 other kids all waiting to be collected and when I asked dd she said they had all been waiting at least as long as she had. Dd was just sitting there quietly, she is no trouble and this isn’t something that happens very often for her.

Primary school we were always told that around 30 minutes was ok. It seems entirely reasonable to me, surely most parents can’t just drop everything and be at school in moments? It feels like secondary, with much longer travel involved, should be the same if not longer tbh. I understand that they don’t want ill kids hanging about and it must be a pain, but there was no need for the drama it was turned into.

So am I unreasonable to think 30 minutes to get to school is actually fine?

5 minutes to accept delivery
5 minutes to put away food
5 mins to leave house (shoes, locking doors etc)

I sometimes work an hour away no idea what you are meant to do tbh.

I think 30 minutes is quick! As you said, what if you were at work or in the middle of a medical appt?

Surely they should realise not all parents are at home ready to drop everything 🙄

I must deserve a medal for doing the whole lot in about 7 minutes then 😅 and I’ll be even quicker if I knew my child was unwell.

They just want to be at home when they’re unwell, and parents being lax about picking up their children is unfortunately all too common. Probably not what happened here, but it’s stressful for school office staff to be managing a lot of sick kids. Least their parents could do is make their own children a priority.

If you’re working or using public transportation and can’t get there any sooner, then fair enough. But don’t make it the school’s fault. They’re looking after your sick kid for you!

Oops, didn't read the bit about shopping away! I would put freezer stuff away and leave the rest but still half an hour isn't unreasonable as parents may be in other situations.

30 minutes is completely fine. When our kids school phone we generally take 1-2hours, school were never impressed but it is what it is. I have always informed them of expected eta and they just have to manage (wife is a teacher so if she's going to collect her school have to sort cover for her class, i work for the ambulance service so need to finish the job im on then take ambulance back to station/sign off.

I've had it before picked up only to find them absolutely fine so just returned them to school again. Then the next time they called in checked her out in reception and she was fine - she'd told the teacher she felt hot that was all so just said to reception to send her back to class and left. Ive since written to the school to highlight wasted time and that in future I'll speak to the child on the phone before coming to collect. My wife is mortified but it's just not on.

My aunt & uncle & cousins lived about 5 houses down from the school.
When my cousin was about 6, a large, older child fell on top of him and severely injured him.
The school called my aunt and she walked to the school playground.
20 minutes later the on-site school nurse sauntered over.
Auntie was incensed that the nurse was so casual and blasé.
My cousin’s pelvis was crushed and he was in a body cast for months, poor little kid.
I think about that from time to time and wonder how people get - and keep - their jobs.

Not at all unreasonable! There are some days when I'd be 3hrs away and DH would be 1.5 hrs away. Schools can and should cope with the realities of the world.

When I worked at a school, a lot of our parents were professionals working in London, so it would take them at least an hour to get to school. Your school is being very unreasonable.

Glad you mentioned a barrister in court as that was me back in the day! Even if by some miracle I happened to have finished and be ready to leave I’d still be likely 1.5 hours away. Realistically DH would have stepped in (if they’d called him!) but still an hour at least.

I actually find it bizarre that they looked OP in the eye and said she was too long. Weird as well as unreasonable. I can imagine them thinking it (unjustifiably) but to say it is very odd.

Yes exactly. If you just stop mid delivery the groceries are either going to get left where they were lying (pavement? Entrance to property?) for potentially a while, or the delivery driver will take it back. Probably the latter as I don’t think they can just leave it.

I’d let this wash over me to be honest. Both DH and I work full time. As an experiment he’s down as first contact. We did this when he took a job FT from home. They still call me. It blows his mind the bias.

I’d lay any money that if you were male no one would have insinuated you should have gotten there faster and they’d have probably apologised for calling him. So unless I get a call from the school to say it’s an emergency, a real one then 30 mins is frankly a good outcome.

Sometimes I'm out of town or at an appointment and can't make it in 30 mins what do they expect a parent to do in that instance not always is someone available.

She didn't "take her sweet time". She didn't put the kettle on and paint her nails. The grocery shop had just turned up and was being unloaded. Probably £100 plus worth of food which could spoil if left out at this time of year. The DD had a headache, she wasn't being blue-lighted to A&E.

30 minutes doesn’t seem at all unreasonable, particularly for secondary.

Ime school very much expects there to be a parent or grandparent not working - ridiculous I know
I think 30 mins is totally acceptable. They’ve no idea what you were doing when they called unexpectedly

my nephew was at a special school and when he started it was made very clear that my sister ( usually) had to collect him within 45 mins should he need to come home in the day.( they had lots of very poorly kids there ) and she expected not to be late at pickup time
It meant she couldn’t go far during the day - was quite restrictive.

It’s strange, schools expect quick pick ups and attendance at school events during the day yet most of the staff are parents themselves and know what it’s like to work and fit everything in. It’s like one one hand they do get it yet on the other they are still stuck in the time where women were all at home.

My son's school is a 30min drive away without traffic. It is never going to take less than 45mins for me to walk through the door, longer probably as there is no onsite parking even for collecting sick children...

The presumption that there is one parent at home able to come straight away seems to me to possibly be a factor.

Which does not recognise the modern world where most women with children are in employment. You could even called it discriminatory, and given that lone parents (usually women) are a greater proportion in certain ethnicities, indirectly even though unintentionally racist.

This. You could have got there earlier but you chose not to and to be honest it all seems a bit petty of you. In the middle of this was your dd who wasn't well and probably just wanted to be at home. This should have been your priority.

That's poor. I'm down as first contact for my children because I work from home in a job where very few things need doing urgently. DW is part time but in a medical role where she really can't leave partway through a surgery. The school calls me, because they have competent staff who follow the procedure they put in place.

Last time something happened I took 40 minutes to get to the school, because that's how long it took, so in relation to the OP: YANBU.

Also, this was an older teenager with a slight headache who felt 'a bit off', not an eight year old bleeding out from an arterial wound.

Why would they not just tell her to go and sit down somewhere quiet, drink some water and see how she felt in 30 minutes?

If you read OPs posts you'll see she was in the middle of accepting a shopping delivery, she put away the fridge/freezer stuff and then picked her DD up. Was she supposed to leave it to spoil?

I would have said "if it was that serious you should have called an ambulance".

Headache and feeling a bit sick? It's a non event. The nurse should have given her water and a bit of paracetamol.

Yep. Jobsworth arseholes, some of them are. They enjoy lording it over kids all day, and like to boss their parents round as well.