AIBU to take 30 minutes to get to school when they call?

[Hermitintraining]

Dd felt unwell at school yesterday, I was called to collect her.
As it happened I was off work but in the middle of something at home, so I told them ok, I will be about 30 minutes. School is a 15 minute drive away (secondary).
When I got there I got told that it was too long. Dd had a headache and felt unwell but hadn’t actually been sick, I think she was just too hot as she was fine once home. I commented that if I had been at work it would have been closer to an hour to collect. The office area had about 5 other kids all waiting to be collected and when I asked dd she said they had all been waiting at least as long as she had. Dd was just sitting there quietly, she is no trouble and this isn’t something that happens very often for her.

Primary school we were always told that around 30 minutes was ok. It seems entirely reasonable to me, surely most parents can’t just drop everything and be at school in moments? It feels like secondary, with much longer travel involved, should be the same if not longer tbh. I understand that they don’t want ill kids hanging about and it must be a pain, but there was no need for the drama it was turned into.

So am I unreasonable to think 30 minutes to get to school is actually fine?

Well if im home, it would be 10 to 15 minutes. From my previous job, it could have taken up to an hour and half as I wouldn't have been to hang up the phone and leave, I would have had to do a handover then get the tube then get a train then walk to the school.

Its insane to think parents can just appear within 30 minutes all the time.

I think the standard should be as soon 'as you can get there'. I would drop everything to get there as fast as possible. It is, of course, reasonable to wait for the groceries to be dropped if you're in the middle of the delivery. What else can you do?

Well since a Dad at our school died racing to get to school to pick up a poorly child, no, I wouldn't be rushing.

This ^. If you were at work, and it took 30 minutes or an hour, then there's nothing you can do. But if you were at home , then you should have dropped what you were doing and gone and picked your dd up. So yes, I think YABU, sorry.

Which is exactly what she did. Put the cold stuff away then left. Do you need binoculars to read the thread up there on your high horse?

Sorry , just seen your update. I think it's reasonable if you were waiting for a Tesco delivery and had to put the chilled stuff away in the fridge.

My secondary school was for all the villages, some at least 5 miles away with no public bus services. Parents who don’t drive would take well over an hour to get there, probably a lot longer.

😂😂 “your poor daughter”

Honestly, the dramatics

I drop everything to get my ill kids. I can't imagine being "busy" at home, then waiting until it's good for me 👀 They're your kids, drop and go. If it takes you 10 minutes or 1 hour, it doesn't really matter as long as they're prioritised and your doing your best. Work will always wait....

She was halfway through a grocery delivery. Perfectly reasonable to wait for it all to be passed through her door before going. That's what - 5 minutes?

I'm assuming the drive time was 30 minutes, not that it took her 30 minutes to receive the delivery and put away the cold stuff, because that would just be taking your time.

I know when I had to get my kids, I got there as fast as I could, dropping everything. I'd have finished taking in a grocery delivery that was in the middle of unloading though.

There are still people misjudging OP and the situation because they haven’t read her posts carefully. Her daughter is 16 now—just two or three years away from heading off to university or working far from home.

OP, you're definitely not being unreasonable — 30 minutes sounds like a completely normal and reasonable timeframe, especially considering you weren’t just sitting around waiting for the phone to ring! Most of us don’t have a teleportation device tucked in our glove compartment, unfortunately.
You made the effort, you communicated clearly, and your daughter was safe, quiet, and not in distress — that's a win in my book. Honestly, it feels like the school could use a gentle reminder that parents have lives, jobs, and commitments, and not everyone lives next door to the front gate.
And yes, secondary school distances are often much greater than primary — plus kids are older and more capable of sitting and waiting quietly if they’re not in acute distress. If the office had several other students waiting, then clearly it’s not just a one-off either.
But I think it's a good idea to see the GP and check if everything is okay with your daughter.

I don't think being too hot because your in front of a window is cause to see a GP
Ill guess she was probably a bit dehydrated too.

Op please don't tell me this is one of these daft schools that insist kids wear blazers all the time?

I love your Nana😂

I've had this recently too. Was staying away overnight due to the distance (clearing out a deceased relatives house) and had an appointment at the solicitor first thing. Got the call to say ds was unwell and they were very much less than thrilled I would be at least an hour and a half before I could collect him. But simply, I couldn't get there any quicker. He's 15. I could easily be that distance away for work.

had the same with my eldest. Got a call asking me to collect him 50 minutes before the end of the school day. He had hurt his knee. Wasn't serious enough to need a&e was just a sprain. I was away for the day, and even a helicopter couldn't have got me back before the end of the school day. He was texting me while the school was on the phone saying mum it's ok I can walk from the bus stop home (3 minutes)

I get it when they are little in primary school but at secondary school unless an emergency (even then I'd be hard pushed to get there within half hour even if I was at home as the school is a distance away) they have to understand that often parents can't be there that quickly

In an emergency you drop everything to get there asap, non emergency you get there as soon as you can. I once got a call from school to say DS had had an accident and could I get there within 30 minutes, otherwise they would have to call an ambulance (their protocol, not UK). I couldn’t so they called an ambulance, they certainly didn’t give me a hard time that I physically couldn’t get there within 30 minutes.

She was putting away the perishable groceries not getting shagged by the postman.

Whilst it’s unreasonable of school to moan about the amount of time you took to get there (like you said, you could’ve been further away), I also think it’s unreasonable of you not to have got there as soon as you could. They’re your child and your responsibility - it could’ve been more serious & you just left them sitting there whilst you finished off whatever you were doing. Assuming your child felt unwell enough to tell school - & school agreed enough to call you - you should get there as soon as you can.

Good grief - what are schools coming to? When I was a teacher (for over 30 years) in Secondary, it wasn't unknown for pupils to spend most of the day waiting for a parent to come as (in many/most families) both parents worked, often literally an hour or longer away (commuting).

Next time check your child isn't really ill, and then take longer... 😉

Where I live, lots will have an hour commute to work.

If she was really unwell presumably they would call an ambulance, not you! I think half an hour is fine. In fact she probably could have made her own way home. Just a note also, you don't mention it in your OP, but if she was hormonal that could also make her feel ill, she needs to drink more water probably!

30 mins is absolutely fine, and with 2,000 pupils I’d imagine there are plenty of parents that would take at least an hour. Just ignore them.

Was it the School Secretary? They love to have a go.
Oh yes, they do. Worked in a school for years & they do.

This. You were at home and 15 mins away. Why wouldn’t you want to pick-up your sick kid asap?!

Because, if you read the thread, she was putting away frozen/refrigerated food that had just been delivered instead of leaving it spoil.

It doesn’t take 15 mins to put away a food shop, be it fresh, frozen or ambient.