AIBU to take 30 minutes to get to school when they call?

[Hermitintraining]

Dd felt unwell at school yesterday, I was called to collect her.
As it happened I was off work but in the middle of something at home, so I told them ok, I will be about 30 minutes. School is a 15 minute drive away (secondary).
When I got there I got told that it was too long. Dd had a headache and felt unwell but hadn’t actually been sick, I think she was just too hot as she was fine once home. I commented that if I had been at work it would have been closer to an hour to collect. The office area had about 5 other kids all waiting to be collected and when I asked dd she said they had all been waiting at least as long as she had. Dd was just sitting there quietly, she is no trouble and this isn’t something that happens very often for her.

Primary school we were always told that around 30 minutes was ok. It seems entirely reasonable to me, surely most parents can’t just drop everything and be at school in moments? It feels like secondary, with much longer travel involved, should be the same if not longer tbh. I understand that they don’t want ill kids hanging about and it must be a pain, but there was no need for the drama it was turned into.

So am I unreasonable to think 30 minutes to get to school is actually fine?

We didn't even have a bloody landline when I started school in the 70s

I once had a student who turned up to school looking fine then I saw tale tale acne on his face. I said I thought it was chicken pox and put him in isolation in the medical room. Sure enough I was right. Poor parents took hours because they hadn't planned to have to come into school until he'd finished After School Club. Any school that can't understand parents are often just doing their best need to change their attitude. I think his Mum managed to get there after about two hours. (I think she was in London or similar for a meeting).

What do they expect you to do, for Christ’s sake - compress matter and space??

If you live X amount of miles away, then it takes Y minutes to get to school.
I’m sure a maths teacher could explain that formula to them!

They’re being ridiculous.

"When I got there I got told that it was too long."

The only unreasonable thing about the episode is that someone at the school decided that it was appropriate to speak to another adult as though they were one of the pupils. As the OP's daughter is in secondary school, it's fair to assume that the OP is closer to 30 than13 and well past the age that another adult should feel entitled to give her a telling-off.

Agreed with this. If you told them that « you were in the middle of something AT HOME », they would immediately think that you are taking the mick to just come and collect her right away.

Just say that you will be 30min and it will be ok.

I don’t remember my mom being told of by a teacher about anything.

That is just absolutely bang out of order for something such as this.

Not unreasonable at all. I’m a teacher and have rung home many times. I’ve had a parent in Birmingham shopping when her son had an ambulance called - she told me she’d paid for 4 hours parking so was using it and would then come to hospital (we are approx 1 hour away from Birmingham for her travel time back). I had another one who’s child had S&D who really needed to go tell me she was going to finish cooking her lunch and eat it before coming as she didn’t want to deal with sick and food (they also live 25+ mins away). So you’re 30 mins is totally acceptable and I wouldn’t mind this at all.

Your child probably told them you were at home so wouldn’t be long picking up, then you took much longer than they expected, really nothing to get worked up about.

Secondary? They're being ridiculous. I'm a GP about a 5min walk from DD2 school. If they call me if she's unwell and Im mid surgery I tell them to get her to walk round to me.

I had to take a bus to go for my children - so it took longer than 30 minutes.

Sorry no, you drop everything when your child needs you. If you are 30 mins away then if no one else can go straight away then it can’t be helped but otherwise you should be there. I’m sure that what you were in the middle of at home could wait… not for the teacher’s convenience but for your child’s needs.

How would the child know what you were doing with your day?

A teenager with a headache?!

Yes.. of course… headaches aren’t always nothing. There’s no harm in being there but could be in waiting.

Oh good grief. How do you go through life with that heightened sense of impending doom and constant crisis mode? Frankly, a teen "feeling a bit off" in my school which has a qualified nurse and San would be allowed a paracetamol, a lie down and sent back to the next lesson. Being sent home and requiring a parent to blue light themselves there is ludicrous.

I'm amazed how laid back so many commenters are. I'd have thought that if your child is ill you'd want to get them home ASAP to check they're OK. Which is more important - child's health or a job you can continue later?

You can't continue putting frozen foods away later, they'll have defrosted by the time she got back.

And I would be laid back about a headache, they're a pretty common thing that don't require special treatment. I tell my teenager to take a painkiller if she has a headache, its not a reason to come home (which happened frequently until she got her glasses. She just took a painkiller and got on with it)

Depends on the level of headache. If it's a migraine, then it's crippling. Luckily this girl was OK, but my child always came before frozen food!! School never used to send children home for something minor.

They were putting you in your place. Ignore them.

So you'd risk throwing away perhaps a week's worth of food for the sake of ten minutes or so? What if you couldn't afford to replace that food so your child goes hungry that week? Is that putting them first?

Many of our schools have been built to the must stupid designs imaginable. I invigilate in a school with huge windows in some rooms. Add to that broken or non existent blinds, they are like ovens by the afternoon.

Time to take some action on the conditions we’re expecting our DC to learn in and staff to teach in.

And no, you’re not unreasonable to put your frozen and chilled food away. She wasn’t being rushed off in an ambulance, for crying out loud.

They do now.

Mine was sent home any time he complained of chest pains. It didn’t matter that he has a condition which can cause some inflammation in the sternum area - for which the treatment is ibuprofen. It didn’t matter that both he and I had explained this clearly. It was always treated as though he was having a heart attack. I could get to school with the ibuprofen and offer to dose him up - but no, he had to be sent home.

Where does it say she was putting away frozen food?

What if that headache this time is an imminent brain haemorrhage?? Still you’ve plenty of food in the freezer for the funeral! 😡

I wouldn't pay any attention to whoever told you that you took "too long". Probably a low level staff member who gets a kick out of thinking they are "in charge". Sadly schools tend to attract people like that: they lack control in their own lives so they enjoy telling people what to do at work or the sense that they are "superior" even though they are just a receptionist at a school.

To quote Eddie in AbFab: "you only work in a shop [school] you know, you can drop the attitude!"

Don't give it another thought.