Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

[Tornad]

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

P is extremely unreasonable. W can’t choose exactly which day to be induced.

Edited to add,’I think you are also being unreasonable to even be considering that P is being unfair

P is massively in the wrong! You don't get offered a choice of induction dates.

This can’t be a serious question OP.

P is being massively U.

P is being a total twat.

W is right P ridiculous

Your first thought is correct, P is behaving disgracefully. FF sake, she’s a grown adult having a go at a life long friend because she has to give birth on P’s birthday.

P needs to grow up and apologise. And her behaviour would make me question my friendship with her.

Grow up, all of you.

WTF - I can’t believe you have to ask!

P is so our of order that I wonder if this situation is real.

What’s a “crunchy mum”?

P is obviously U.

Surely this is a joke? P is a grown up, they should be mature enough to share their birthday with a child.

I hope W makes some new friends. You list out P’s redeeming personality traits but not W, P is so self centred they assume W’s induction is about her and neither of you seem to even consider how W might feel about waiting to be induced or going through birth.

P is an absolute twit. This is about W's child coming into the world safely, surely the first concern of any kind of friend would be that mother and baby are okay? Early inductions aren't done for laughs.

Prepare for an implosion in your friendship group if P continues to make this all about her. If one of my friends carried on like this, I'd be distancing myself from her.

And you’re posting this why? Are you contemplating some kind of friendship intervention where you beg W to change her induction date if people on here say ‘Actually, P has a point’?

P is being utterly ridiculous and it is absolutely bizarre you even need to ask. She sounds bloody exhausting.

Bloody hell. W is being induced early - which as you correctly state is most likely for medical reasons, and you’re worried she’s doing it to piss off P? Because of course that’s her main concern.

There is no way in hell that’s the reason. Also, even if she’s induced on that day, she might not actually give birth for up to 24 hours so baby won’t necessarily have the same birthday as P.

If you’re as much of a friend to W as you say, see what you can do to help. She’s most likely worrying about having to be induced, she doesn’t need the other drama.

P is totally being unreasonable. As a mother she should know that a baby would not be being induced early for no reason and should in fact be expressing concern for the friend that this is happening not be issued of because it’s also her birthday

i would be saying exactly that to P

edited to add you dint sound like much of a fiend if you ar also concerned about Ps birthday

Hopefully W makes better friends that both you and P

Love it when the very first post completely captures your thoughts! I was thinking "wow you're really scraping to even try to find something W has done wrong." It's like on reddit aita when they have to try and put the alternative side across to be allowed to post.

Obviously p is completely unreasonable and slightly insane. She would have been equally unreasonable even if W had actively chosen her induction date for non medical reasons (because who prioritises a friends bday over the birth of your child?!), or if their personalities had been reversed so that P was always the one who had made a big deal out of birthdays and W knew that.

Tell P to get a grip. Tbh even if she was in the right she sounds annoying so her losing her friendship wouldn't be a great loss.

I can't understand why people get upset about their friends carrying on with their lives just because it's their birthday. Since when did the world have to stop for an adults birthday? It's all a bit silly.

I absolutely did list out good things about W.

“She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts, move heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker.”

I also listed issues with P. If anything, I put in P’s good traits to avoid the responses I was expecting of “why on earth would be friends with her for so long?”

P is massively weird.
Convince her that W has little choice if she wants to deliver a live baby.

Remind P that it is so special to have a baby born on one's birthday. Tell her that she is very lucky and to stop being a first rate cow..

P needs to give her head a good wobble! You don't get to choose induction dates and they don't induce early for no reason.

W will already be a bit anxious and P is being the opposite of a friend piling anything further onto her!

I love the sound of original P. 🙂

But it sounds like parenthood has changed her immeasurably, and she has become somebody I’d be distancing myself from more and more.

P is definitely the unreasonable one here, spoilt-child-mode I’m afraid.

I hope all goes well for W 🤞 x

As is common, first reply nails it.

I think you and P need to grow the hell up. Induction is no picnic and being induced early suggests there is a problem. Support your friend instead of bitching about birthdays and who is more important.

As an aside, there is a good chance she won’t give birth on that day. My daughter came 3 days after my early induction and it was a difficult and challenging birth. I don’t think I’d ever speak to anyone again who started moaning about the date of my induction.

If I were you id express this to the 3 non involved friends and if all in agreement make it crystal clear to P that Ws induction is none of her business and if she cuts her out then she risks cutting you all out as you won't stop being friends with W (or possibly I've got my letters mixed up)