Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

[Tornad]

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

As above.

Also, P is not ‘relaxed’. P is selfish, thoughtless, inconsiderate, judgemental and sees the friendship group as low priority.

I don’t understand why this is even a question. She’s being induced ffs. I wasn’t given a range of dates for my induction.

As an aside, my induction wasn’t started until the evening and DD was born the next day. So the birthdays may not clash. But even if they do, it’s so far from being an issue I can’t believe you’ve had to ask who is being unreasonable!!!

P is a ridiculous person who needs telling so.

P is being pathetic - you need to tell her this in no uncertain terms

So P who has never bothered about other peoples feelings is now hurt and giving out because of this. And P is someone you wouldn’t befriend now? And P is saying they won’t speak to W again because of this perceived injustice.

So the silver lining is you declare yourself team W and rid yourself of P surely. And hope the rest of the group feel the same.

So, what do you think op?

Chances are we won't actually give birth on the day she's induced anyway. It's a long process, so it's more than likely going to be the next day. So p can relax

But their good or bad traits are completely irrelevant. Surely you can see this?

If W and P were both neo-Nazis who regularly mugged OAPs for drug money, the situation would be unaltered. No one gets induced early on a specific date to piss off someone else.

Unless the hospital gave W a choice of dates and she specifically picked Ps date then she has not choice. There is also no guarantee baby will come on that date. So, did she pick that date on purpose? (I don't know if you get a choice)

My DS was induced and came 4 days later.

In what way does P anticipate W's baby's birthday impacting her own? I'm not aware of many young children's birthdays that comprise much more than popping over with a present and maybe helping blow out some candles, bit of bouncy castle action? And then P can have her birthday celebrations afterwards?

What, apart from Main Character Syndrome, is P's problem?

You all sound a bit nuts tbh.

P is.

Also even if W is induced on P's birthday it doesn't mean the boy will arrive then. I was induced on the Saturday and baby arrived early hours Monday.

P is being a horror.
You all need to go rally around W through this tricky time for her.

I had my child 2 days post-induction. P is being ridiculous on so many levels.

P is batshit crazy and it's really quite disturbing that you are even questioning that. No one chooses an early induction for shits and giggles. And quite frankly, even if you COULD choose an induction, the last thing I'd be prioritising is ANYONE's birthday, with the possible exception of trying to ensure that my baby wasn't born with the same birthday as its sibling or something.

You say that P said it's the last straw. So is this really about the induction date? Is there a long back story between them that you're not telling us? Because that's the only way I can see that anyone could possibly think P wasn't totally unreasonable.

This! I was induced on a Friday…gave birth on a Sunday!
induction isn’t something W is choosing for a fun day out!

Is this seriously even a question OP? W clearly has some sort of increased risk for pregnancy and unless she is mega rich, the NHS have given her a date for induction, which they have available and will maximise the chances of having a healthy baby.

Anyone who expects W to say 'no thanks, can I potentially endanger my baby and wait a few days so I can attend a birthday event for a friend even though I'll be extremely pregnant and stressed, as otherwise she will get upset' has absolutely lost the plot. She should be ashamed of herself to be honest, even my primary school kids understand when someone can't attend their birthday party because of a prior commitment

Gosh I wish this was the most pressing thing I had to worry about, what a lot of high school drama. P sounds like an insufferable loon.

This is why I'm so terrified about the prospect of world over-population.

If we should ever reach the unthinkable point where there are more than 365 of us alive on this planet, that will unleash the horror of at least two people being forced to share the same birthday.

I'm really surprised you are all in your thirties or thereabouts. You all sound exceptionally immature .

I'm also speechless that you are asking this question. Surely you should know the answer to this yourself?

I've seen some bonkers threads on here but this is up with the top ones of stupidness.

Thanks everyone - confirmed.

I tried to be as balanced as I could in my OP but I completely agree with you - I just wanted to see if I was missing something.

I have already said to P:

• That she is likely being induced for medical reasons.
• That she may not give birth on that day anyway.
• That she probably didn’t have a choice.
• That she has lots of friends and family, so the likelihood of it falling on someone’s birthday is pretty high.

Then why was I attacked for not bringing up enough of W’s good traits?

Surely I can’t be berated for not doing something and then told it’s irrelevant when I point out I did? 😂

WTF?

I'd drop P like a hot brick. Considering W is a thoughtful (if not a bit intense) friend and P is likely to forget things and more laissez faire in general, perhaps W didn't think it would be a big deal. Being medically induced on a specific date however, is a big deal. There must be a reason for it and one that affects W and her baby's health!

There must be some serious resentment or tensions already bubbling under the surface there. Sometimes people are friends for too long when the friendship has run its course.

I wouldn’t be thinking about anyone’s birthday at all if I was being induced. If I said “oh sorry, can I do a different date, that’s my friend’s birthday” the hospital would probably be very bemused. It doesn’t sound like P is a super great friend anyway so has no grounds to kick up a stink. If my friends said anything other than something like “oh maybe I will be birthday twins with the baby! We will need to check we’re not having parties on the same day in the future” ie being happy for me giving birth then I would distance myself. If I was a friend of P I’d tell her she’s being ridiculous/insensitive or distance myself, she just doesn’t sound like a great person to be around generally

Imagine being in your 30s or 40s and being jealous of a baby - essentially just for having been born!