Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

[Tornad]

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

Yes because induction is quick and easy and results in a baby that day. Ummm no. 36 hours later in our case.
P is being ridiculous

How can this even be a question???? Bonkers!

How do you know the votes when you haven't specified what "YABU" and "YANBU" are for?

🤯

So W's new baby will have the same birthday as P?
Will they gave joint parties?!

Yeah I didn't vote because it's not at all clear.

To be fair to P, when I had a meeting with my consultant at around 36 weeks to plan my (medical needs) c section, he literally whipped out his diary, fired a few dates at me, and asked me to choose one that suited me. I was quite taken aback at the time, but that is honestly how it happened!

Depending on the circumstances, it isn't impossible that W may indeed have been given some flexibility on the exact date.

However, P is still barmy to think that her birthday should be top priority in this - rather than more obvious factors like, for example, childcare arrangements, timings for close family members being able to visit etc.

Is P actually ok? This is such bizarre behaviour from an adult.

My induction took nearly three days to have any effect, and I didn’t give birth til the next day. There was nothing, short of a section, that would have changed the day DD arrived on. I think it’s mad that a grown woman who already has a child can know so little about how childbirth works. What if W goes into spontaneous labour before the induction day, is that ok? Or only ok if she clamps her legs shut til after P’s birthday?

What does P mean about it being "the final straw"? What have the other straws been?

Who cares? This is not a "straw"!

@Tornad P is so unreasonable, how is this up for debate? She doesn’t own a birthday! Madness.

The baby might not even be born on that day. Induction can take a while to get going, especially if it's a bit early so might not be a birthday clash after all

I have some advice for you OP.

1. Grow up
2. Grow up some more
3. Get some grown up friends
4. Taking 'sides' is for 5 year olds
5. Stop being friends with arseholes just because you've been friends since you were all 6.

I can't take this seriously. I'm convinced it is a windup. How could anyone behave like such a spoilt brat and how could anyone possibly question whether W is being unreasonable. The concern should be for her and her unborn child. P is for pitiful excuse for a friend.

Omg what on earth is wrong with P. What an insane view. Sorry P is mental.

Those are good things but they aren’t personality traits, they’re acts of service. They hinge what she gives not who she is.

Yes - what else is P peeved about? Are they things that are all as totally unreasonable as this peeve?

And what is a “crunchy mum”?

Tbh I think you need to tell P that she’s totally unreasonable and if she persists with this and cuts W out then it’s her (P) that needs to leave the friendship group not W.

1. You don’t get to choose your induction date.
2. There’s no guarantee that baby will arrive on the day of induction.
3. P is an utter twit.
4. For those asking a ‘crunchy mum’ is someone a little evangelical about natural, pure, healthy parenting (or what they think that is!)

Could p move her bday celebration? It could be the weekend before or after? Or even midweek?
that way everyone can enjoy all their celebrations.

This!! You all sound about 12!!

FFS, P and W need to bloody grow up and start behaving like adults……..strikes me they are all tarred with the same brush!

I'm not sure I'd want to be friends with P or W. They both sound quite hard work, in different ways

I swear I have read this exact thread before. Bizarre

This is very odd -most people would be super pleased to share the birthday with a mate’s child. There is a date in my family where weirdly I know 4 people with the same one and also the same year! Makes remembering easier. I’m not sure if P thinks she’ll be having kids parties with W’s child?!