Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

[Tornad]

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

Maybe P should ask all her friends and relatives to give up sex for a few weeks, 9 months before every birthday. Or this absolute social disaster could happen again!
You could get special reminder cards printed for everyone to put up above the bed- a thoughtful gift. No sex this month guys- it’s P’s birthday in 9 months!
To be on the safe side this new rule should apply to all the friends/relatives in your social group-otherwise P is getting preferential treatment. So just list everyone’s birthdays, go back 9 months, then no sex that month for everyone.

Bad luck if you cover all 12 months- you’ll all have to abstain forever!! But it’s worth it for birthday peace of mind isn’t it! Birthday bliss…just no actual birth days.

My sister-in-law was induced on my birthday. Of course this means that everyone is going to focus on the birthday of a child more than my birthday on the day. I think P is wrong. My thought process went like this:

Obviously the well being of the baby comes first and of course sisIL isn't going to wait to give birth for a different date if it's in the best interests, or safety, of the baby. If the baby needs to be born, it needs to be born. I am a grown up, of course the child's birthday will come first, I can celebrate another day around the same time.

I really can't see why it's a big deal to share a birth date.

I get that some people do think like P, because a couple of family members made snarky comments about just having to choose the same date. I just told them that she might not have had a choice and if baby needed to be born, baby needed to be born.

You’re surely in the minority though? Especially the first time. I mean it’s not even a foregone conclusion that they’ll even start the induction on the day it’s scheduled if they’ve got no space on the ward. The OP says they don’t know don’t the reason, but it’s obviously not serious as they’d be offering an elective caesarean. It’s probably for something like suspected big baby, and if so they won’t be in a massive rush to get things going.

Wow they are being ridiculous. I would be cutting ties with her if I was your friend.

Definitely not in the minority. My first was 5 hours from being induced to being born. My last was 20 minutes 😂😂 I realise that’s very quick, and consider myself very lucky tbh. But in my friends circle/baby toddler groups etc, most delivered on their induction date.

You are in the minority though. Obviously I don’t know the exact circumstances of your birth, but with the induction taking place before the due date and also being a first time mum, the odds are not in your favour for delivering the same day, and like I said before, they may not even be able to start the induction on the scheduled day.

Yep, two of mine were induced births. The first (my first baby) took nearly 24 hours from start of induction to actual birth. The second (my third baby) took around six hours, but she was nearly three weeks overdue. In between I had a baby born without induction in about two hours from start of labour.

These things cannot be predicted.

If you’re induced before your due date, it means your cervix is much less likely to be dilated at all, so they can’t skip any steps, and you’ll have to start right from the beginning. It’s why they’re reluctant to give out sweeps before your due date.

I’m definitely not in the minority here. 1st induction 2 weeks early, literally 5 hours from beginning to end - only 2.5 hours of dilating to birthing. I realise my own personal experience is maybe unusually quick, but everyone else I know, all but 2 have given birth the same day as being induced 🤷‍♀️

P has list her mind in my opinion.

@Wildefish everyone has said this for 2 days now, but OP is still looking for validation/drama .. who knows 🤷‍♀️