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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

461 replies

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:00

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

OP posts:
FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 24/06/2025 09:53

My niece was born on my birthday, should I stop talking to my sister?
Fucking ridiculous behaviour from P.

ReproachfulOwl · 24/06/2025 09:53

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:28

Then why was I attacked for not bringing up enough of W’s good traits?

Surely I can’t be berated for not doing something and then told it’s irrelevant when I point out I did? 😂

You get that more than one person is commenting on this thread, right? And that we are t some kind of Borg Hive Mind?

Thatsalineallright · 24/06/2025 09:54

JaneEyre40 · 24/06/2025 09:36

If W actually did this....she's a psycho.

Huh? How does having her baby induced make her a psycho?

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:54

JaneEyre40 · 24/06/2025 09:36

If W actually did this....she's a psycho.

Why?

I can see that the votes are 17% on P’s side right now but you’re the first person to comment on P’s side.

OP posts:
YourGreyCat · 24/06/2025 09:54

P is being completely self absorbed, if there is ever a time to not prioritize someone's birthday it's being heavily pregnant, im pretty sure you don't get to choose induction dates anyway.

pizzaHeart · 24/06/2025 09:54

lnks · 24/06/2025 09:02

P is extremely unreasonable. W can’t choose exactly which day to be induced.

Edited to add,’I think you are also being unreasonable to even be considering that P is being unfair

Edited

This^ 100% and on both points.

even if in some situations there might be ( just might be) some degree of choosing a day for induction it doesn’t mean it’s always possible.

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:56

ReproachfulOwl · 24/06/2025 09:53

You get that more than one person is commenting on this thread, right? And that we are t some kind of Borg Hive Mind?

I understand that. But someone else explicitly raised in their comment about good traits of W and then you kicked off at my response saying the good traits of W.

If you’re so aggrieved at it being raised, kick off at them for bringing it up!

If you can recognise that there are lots of people on this thread, maybe try to recognise that you’re not the sole arbiter of what’s relevant.

OP posts:
zingally · 24/06/2025 09:56

P is being an idiot.

W I'm certain hasn't chosen that specific day to be inducted - that's not how it works. And I suspect it being P's birthday was the furthest thing from her mind.
As for possibly sharing a birthday with W's new child... So what? P doesn't "own" that date.
I share a birthday with the child of a cousin of mine, who was born on the day of my 21st birthday. I thought it was rather sweet. It also happened that I was the last surname of the family to be born, and finally a new surname arrived just as I entered adulthood.
I don't especially have a relationship with this child (now young adult), as my cousin and I grew up in completely different parts of the country, and he was a generation older than me. First grandchild compared to last. But I've always had a special interest in how he's getting on, and what he's up to. It's nice to share a birthday.

sesquipedalian · 24/06/2025 09:56

“My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.”

WTAF?? P is being hugely unreasonable. As for “P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DC will be”, statistically as there are five of you in the group, if you have one child each, you have an over 10% chance of overlapping birthdays, and I may be missing something here, but as you get older, any birthday without a 0 on the end is frankly insignificant. Poor old W - it’s bad enough being induced, and induced early at that - it must be tremendously worrying for her - without P’s twattery.

PurpleThistle7 · 24/06/2025 09:57

What a strange thing for a bunch of grownups to have an opinion about. You don’t own an entire day. I’d love to share my birthday with a good friend’s child - how special! But also I wouldn’t think anything of a medical decision that doesn’t affect me at all. What nonsense

Richiewoo · 24/06/2025 09:58

P is an idiot.

cryptide · 24/06/2025 09:58

Ask P whether she is seriously saying that W should put herself or her child at risk just to avoid the possibiilty of giving birth on P's birthday. If she does anything other than acknowledge she's an idiot, bin her off.

Ivytheterrible2025 · 24/06/2025 09:58

P sounds like a spoilt brat who never matured from childhood.
Sounds very like someone I know.

Nana4 · 24/06/2025 09:58

Most adults would be thrilled to share their birthday with a good/close friends child, and it would be a reminder to the parents that it is also the friends birthday.
Now, despite the fact that the baby probably won’t arrive on that date, it will forever be an annual reminder of what an absolute (insert your adjective) is.

miraxxx · 24/06/2025 09:59

olderbutwiser · 24/06/2025 09:14

As above.

Also, P is not ‘relaxed’. P is selfish, thoughtless, inconsiderate, judgemental and sees the friendship group as low priority.

From the get go. The group was too blind to it. I dont like group based activities but school and college friends have always tried to add me in and I have disappointed them by not turning up for social events, so I am a sort of P. But if someone needed my help, I was always there and I never expect nor make a fuss about what is "owed" me. I expect people to be pissed off that I do not share their social habits. My boundaries are clear whereas this P is a massive piss-taker.

SalfordQuays · 24/06/2025 10:00

This is one of the most bizarre things I've read on MN.
Surely P knows that you don't get a choice when you're induced? This is the NHS, you can't decline a clinical procedure because it clashes with a friend's birthday!

YesButNoButMayybee · 24/06/2025 10:02

God what an awful toxic friendship group. P is being utterly ridiculous and I couldn't put up with any of this narcissistic nonsense.

SunnyViper · 24/06/2025 10:02

I couldn’t be bothered being around either of these two.

Andoutcomethewolves · 24/06/2025 10:02

This can't be serious.

My sister was induced early for medical reasons. She was TOLD the date. She was not presented with a calendar so she could pick the most convenient date for her 🤣

If it's any consolation to P my DN still took four days to make an appearance so maybe she can get to keep her 'special day' and not have it ruined by a baby...

pizzaHeart · 24/06/2025 10:02

and I wanted to add that this behaviour of P would be enough for me to reconsider the friendship. She showed herself so spitefully self-centred in this.

Mulledjuice · 24/06/2025 10:05

I find this bizarre because

  1. I had friends lobbying me to try to get my planned c section on their birthdays (lighthearted, I'm sure)
  2. why has noone told P to stop being so ridiculous? Especially if youve all been friends for so long.

Eta - I see you've already spoken to P. What was her response? I'm assuming she doubled-down if you felt the need to post here to see who was being U? (You can't seriously have thought W was being U to have a fucking early induction on her friend's birthday.)

Topjoe19 · 24/06/2025 10:05

I just couldn't be friends with P. She is a proper dickhead.

ThejoyofNC · 24/06/2025 10:06

To be honest it's unclear which vote is for what.

But anyway, P is being a real bitch. I also couldn't stay friends with a judgemental "crunchy' mum so would dump both of them.

rosyrosedaisy · 24/06/2025 10:07

P sounds like a bit of a nightmare!

Fwiw my son shares a birthday with a close friend of mine - birthdays also mean a lot to her, she has a complicated family and likes a lot of attention on her own birthday from her friends. It's NEVER been a problem. We are adults!

Soontobe60 · 24/06/2025 10:08

Maybe P could get in tough with Ws consultant and ask them to postpone the induction date?