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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

461 replies

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:00

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

OP posts:
saltandvinegarchipsticks · 24/06/2025 09:31

It’s obvious from how you write that you know full well that P is not only being unreasonable but also a world-class knobber, and perhaps she needs to be phased out of the group.

HomoHeinekenensis · 24/06/2025 09:34

ReproachfulOwl · 24/06/2025 09:08

And you’re posting this why? Are you contemplating some kind of friendship intervention where you beg W to change her induction date if people on here say ‘Actually, P has a point’?

This. I would see this breakdown as a good thing. It's all too intense and it needs notching back massively.

Happyhettie · 24/06/2025 09:34

This is utterly ridiculous. I hope W’s baby is delivered safe and well and quite honestly that is all anyone should be concerned about. P sounds like an awful friend. I’d be using this to completely distance myself from her.

Can’t remember which poster called her an ‘insufferable loon’ but it was a great phase and one I shall be using more often!

(Don’t know what a ‘crunchy’ mum is but that name alone sounds revolting so I’m not googling it to find out).

Edited due to awful spelling.

Thedevilwearsprimarni · 24/06/2025 09:35

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:28

Then why was I attacked for not bringing up enough of W’s good traits?

Surely I can’t be berated for not doing something and then told it’s irrelevant when I point out I did? 😂

Attacked? Fucking hell. Nobody “attacked” anyone. The drama is clearly a feature throughout your friend group.

MrsJoanDanvers · 24/06/2025 09:35

P is being absolutely ridiculous. I would tell her too.

Delphiniumandlupins · 24/06/2025 09:35

Sharing your birthday with someone else's baby is a nice thing. Adult birthdays become less important when you have kids.

Dinotrot · 24/06/2025 09:36

I was induced on a Sunday and the baby arrived on Wednesday evening so unlikely to arrive same day anyway

HomoHeinekenensis · 24/06/2025 09:36

Tornad · 24/06/2025 09:25

Thanks everyone - confirmed.

I tried to be as balanced as I could in my OP but I completely agree with you - I just wanted to see if I was missing something.

I have already said to P:

  • That she is likely being induced for medical reasons.
  • That she may not give birth on that day anyway.
  • That she probably didn’t have a choice.
  • That she has lots of friends and family, so the likelihood of it falling on someone’s birthday is pretty high.

Don't get involved. Stand back and let life lessons be learned.

JaneEyre40 · 24/06/2025 09:36

If W actually did this....she's a psycho.

2chocolateoranges · 24/06/2025 09:36

P is being ridiculous. Too much drama for me . I’d seriously be reconsidering my friendship, P might be fun but she’s always late, doesn’t respond to texts or phone calls , sounds like everything is on her terms and is a total drama queen!

i was induced the day before a friends birthday and baby arrived on friends birthday, I did ask if I could be induced a day earlier or a day later but it was that date only.

baby’s health comes first.

our nephew was born on dhs birhday, I’m so glad he didn’t cause a fuss!

Epidote · 24/06/2025 09:37

Induced by medical reasons. It doesn't matter if she is induced on the birthday or two days later or before. W has enough on her own to be bothering about a birthday. Why the others can't celebrate? Why it has to be one or another? Why someone has to be the center of the day? I don't get it. They are two very different unrelated things. "This is not about I told my mate I'm saving for that TShirt, she told me she doesn't like it but she bought it and wore on the concert thing"
P is being ridiculous and you are reading too much about this.

SJM1988 · 24/06/2025 09:37

P is unreasonable.

You cant pick your induction date and just because it is planned for that date, doesn't mean her DS/DD will be born that day. Delays happen and not all women will give birth the same day they are induced.

LoudSnoringDog · 24/06/2025 09:38

This is pathetic

HomoHeinekenensis · 24/06/2025 09:39

This thread is like stepping into a parallel universe.

You all need to open a big expensive bottle of something and toast that this is the biggest and most worrisome thing in your lives.

Oldglasses · 24/06/2025 09:40

P is being ridiculous. I had my first DC just before two very good friends' 30ths - I literally came out of hospital the day of the first friend's party and obviously didn't go. I had a c/s and couldn't even walk properly upright let alone attend a party with baby in tow (who was on prophylatic medication).
I was hoping to go to the 2nd friend's party a couple of weeks later, but DC wasn't a settled baby so there was no way! If it was my second baby I probably would've got away with going for an hour with him in tow.
Neither friend held it against me and over 20 years later we are still very good friends.
W is entitled to feel a bit disappointed, I was a bit disappointed that the parties had come so close to giving birth, but that's life. A friend of mine couldn't come to my 40th as she was also in the same position - very heavily pregnant and lived abroad.

nam3c4ang3 · 24/06/2025 09:40

P is a massive twat - why would you remain friends with someone who seems so childish!

MoistVonL · 24/06/2025 09:44

“You’re completely right, P - there I was worrying about the health of my unborn child who needs to be delivered early for medical reasons, when I should have been prioritising the birthday of a flaky unreliable friend.”

P is a bloody nutcase.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 24/06/2025 09:44

P cannot be old enough to be getting married or having babies as they seem to only be 12 years old.

thepariscrimefiles · 24/06/2025 09:46

Obviously 'P' is being unreasonable and a total twat. Hospitals don't induce labour for no reason and the date of the induction will have been a medical decision based on the risks to the baby and mother of continuing with the pregnant v early delivery and availability of staff etc.

Dodeedoo · 24/06/2025 09:48

This is pathetic

wandererofthekingdom · 24/06/2025 09:48

As many others have said you can't pick your induction date it is what it is.
P is a dick.

Notonthestairs · 24/06/2025 09:49

Fucks sakes, how can you have any time for this nonsense?

skyeisthelimit · 24/06/2025 09:49

P is being ridiculous. I hope that you and the rest of your group back W. P can walk away from it and leave the rest of you to it.

mythbuster88 · 24/06/2025 09:52

It sounds like P is having a breakdown because her reaction is ridiculous. Also, just because W is going in for her induction on a particular day does not mean the baby will be delivered on that same day.
I think your group are too old to be creating these sort of problems, if you can even call it that.

lifeonmars100 · 24/06/2025 09:52

P has a mental age of around 6

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