Breakdown in friend group - who is right?

[Tornad]

I’m not either of these two people.

P, W and 3 others have been friend since school, almost 30 years. Now all getting married, having children, etc. Don’t live locally to one another but still close and see each other very regularly (almost always as a group or one-on-one - i.e. we would never meet up as a three or a four without everyone being invited).

W has always been high maintenance as a friend. She expects us to be there for her, get birthday presents, attend birthday events, etc. She also gives out the same energy. She will always organise gifts,I’ve heaven and earth to attend special moments and be on the end of the phone. So, she’s not a hypocrite or a taker. She just expects a lot from friendship in general.

P has always been more relaxed. Unreliable, late to things, forgets things, doesn’t respond for months at a time, didn’t hear her phone… but she’s really fun to be around. Witty, cool, energetic. But, since having her own kids, P has also become quite high maintenance. Everything is a drama, the world is ending every couple of weeks, everything revolves around her DS. She’s very “crunchy mum” and makes her opinions known on our parenting and nutrition. I’m hoping this will pass because I wouldn’t befriend her if I met her now.

Anyway. W is pregnant and being induced early. She hasn’t said but I assume this is for medical reasons. They don’t tend to induce early just for fun. The date for the induction is P’s birthday. P is furious about this. She thinks that W has done this on purpose to usurp her birthday. She has vowed to never speak to W again and says that it’s “the final straw”.

My initial thought is that P is being ridiculous but, the more I think about it, W has always made a big deal out of birthdays and now P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday, her DD/DS will be.

Who is right here?

Excuse me?

So, your issue is that I’ve “taken sides” against someone who is clearly in the wrong and I should’ve been more neutral when every other post (except one) thinks P has behaved awfully?

I can’t take this seriously either, but I suspect that “the final straw” is actually an accumulation of resentment (that you may have not been privy to) between W and P over time. P is presumably using this as an excuse to the end the friendship. I’ve seen this dynamic play out in lots of friendship groups over the years where one person feels they’ve outgrown the group for whatever reason and decides to blow things up rather than gracefully distance themselves, and it’s very sad and hurtful for all involved and caught in the crossfire.

The best thing you can do is not get involved. W will need lots of support both pre and post induction, I’d be focussing on how I could support my long standing friend W with that rather than this playground drama. Leave P to it. You’ve sort of implied that you’ve outgrown your relationship with her in your OP too, so perhaps this is an opportunity to move on.

P is completely in the wrong. It sounds as though she's temporarily taken leave of her senses.

I'm a 'birthday person' & would be delighted to share it with a friend's kid.

Find it then. Otherwise take your troll hunting bollocks elsewhere.

Actually her point is kind of good. For the purposes if whether P is reasonable or not you don’t need to know who is generally naughty or nice. Maybe P presents it that way, but its not true. Each birthday going forward is not tit for tat for all P’s previous efforts (if any as she was the more self absorbed if the group). The group activities were’nt money in the bank that P put in (and W didn’t) that P is entitled to withdraw on demand.

W cannot choose when to have her induction and over time P’s birthday will be encroached on by any number of random events. The Universe may conspire and prevent people from celebrating on the day for many reasons. P just has to get her head around that.

Can’t remember who’s who but do you really think a medical professional would time an induction for medical reasons around the patient's friend’s birthday!? The kindest possible description of that reading is self-centred

Imagine P telling her midwife that her induction would have to be rescheduled because it was her friend's birthday...

This sounds rather playgroundish to me. Life happens, birthdays are missed through events beyond anyone's control. Everyone just needs to get a grip and stop being so precious.

You can't tell who's side the votes are on, as you did not ask a clear question. Votes will be cast on which bit of your OP struck people, as you address both sides without labelling which is U or NU.

Induction takes hours and hours, so chances are baby won't be born in the same day anyway.

Friend groups like this are not stable and are bound to split up at some point.

Remove yourself from the drama let the group sort itself out and stay friends with who you want to rather than getting involved in the drama.

Everyone is going mad here.
Please everyone, get a grip.

The lady being induced and her babies health and safe delivery gets top priority.

Everyone else calm down and be more supportive to your friend being induced. That's no picnic.

I’m going to assume P is for Psycho because what on earth is that behaviour

Fucking hell, this is pathetic. P is absolutely batshit and should be ashamed of herself.

God can you imagine saying to your consultant, 'oh I can't be induced on that day because my friend will go off in a huff as its her birthday on that day' ?

😂😂

Im not sure there's only one problem person in the friendship group!

W is right, can't help needing early induction and can't control the date she is offered.

P is being a bit of a child

I don’t disagree with that. I disagree with her deciding to take issue with me saying W’s good traits in response to someone directly commenting on W’s good traits.

They aren’t queen of the thread and don’t get to decide other people aren’t allowed to say things they decide aren’t relevant.

This.

And you're massively unreasonable OP if even a small part of you thinks P has a point.

Beyond childish.

Are we talking about adults here? I have never heard anything so stupid and immature.
P needs to grow up and stop acting like a Prima Donna. I can't believe adults behave like this.

P is being really ridiculous. Has her relaxed attitude gone since she had DC? It actually sounds worrying.

Also, NHS says for inductions "If this is your first baby, the average time from admission to birth is 25 hours. ". She won't be induced at midnight on the day so I think it's really likely baby will be born the next day anyway. But that sort of reassurance might feed into the unreasonable behaviour. Has she voiced anything to W yet or just you?

P won’t be W’s focus on her birthday

the fuck?!

Even an 8yo doesn't expect to be the focus of anyone other than their parents.
Is P having a nervous breakdown, or has bad PND or anything?

You don't get a choice when you have a c section

P is wrong, obviously. Quite possibly the most self centered thing I have ever heard!

P is completely mad. You can’t say to a hospital, sorry I can’t be induced on x day as it’s my friend’s birthday. But I could fit you in the next day? Utterly bonkers. You are all adults and we are talking about having a baby here. I was induced and it was tough (took 3 days). W needs support not some hissy fit about the birthday of a grown woman. Sorry if I sound harsh but this nonsense shouldn’t be tolerated for its potentially negative impact on W. What should hopefully be a celebratory occasion for her after a potentially tough induction, is then marred by a dark cloud of bad feeling from P for no good reason.