Friend pissed off I didn’t eat all of the dinner she made me

[HattieD]

Can I ask if you think I was unreasonable? We (my husband and I) had a dinner at my friends (and her husbands) house on Saturday. They weren’t free in the day, so prior to this, we went to an event at a local pub. This was from 2-5, and they had a free BBQ which we had a bite to eat from.

We’d told our friends about the event and the free BBQ being an added bonus. Dinner was served about 6.30 (earlier than we’d usually eat but no issue) and our friend had made a lovely but substantial meal. I gave it a good go, and probably ate about 70% of it, with DH eating slightly more of his.

On Sunday, my friend messaged to say she thought it was rude we ate at the pub and that we left ‘so much’ of our dinner. I reiterated how much we enjoyed the food and said that it was a very generous portion.

I just think that if we hadn’t mentioned the BBQ, she’d have been none the wiser and probably wouldn’t have said anything about the decent amount of food we ate?

Did you no they were going to be cooking tea for you at 6.30 before you ate at the BBQ?

We assumed we’d eat around 7pm, that’s the time we ate when we’ve been round before.

But you knew you were eating at your friends house and that she’d specifically cooked for you?

yabu

I think it was unreasonable to eat at a BBQ when you were going to friends for dinner.

But it was odd of her to comment on you not eating much as well. Though I could see her being put out if she'd invited you round for dinner, cooked and you turned up saying you'd already eaten,

I’d be annoyed with you if I had invited you to dinner and you had had a late, substantial, lunch and presumably a few drinks as well.

I can't imagine accepting a dinner invitation from someone and then not eating what they gave me. Why accept in the first place if you're not going to eat it?

Yabu.

id never tell someone id just eaten before having dinner at their house. I’d actually not eat beforehand either, that’s pretty weird.

Would half an hour have made much difference? Had you eaten lunch before the pub BBQ? If so, I do think you could have not snacked at the BBQ but yes, had you not said anything you'd probably have been fine.

Tbf I think you were a little rude if you knew your friend was going to make dinner, but I also don't see how half an hour would make a huge difference in hunger levels so it wouldn't have mattered if the food was severed at 7 you still wouldn't have eaten it all

Op what is 'a bite' at the BBQ?

Sounds like you were pretty stuffed before you got to your friends.

So yes basically. It is a bit rude to eat before going round to a friends for an evening meal

What time did you eat from the barbecue? If you had a moderate serving at 2pm, fair enough, that's a reasonable lunch and if you couldn't manage all the dinner, it probably was too generous.

If you ate a huge portion or were grazing all afternoon, that isn't fair to the person cooking for you.

It was weird that you ate at the bbq when you knew you were going to someone's house for dinner straight after.

It’s not rude to not finish your plate. I dislike it when other people decide on your portion then expect you to finish!

it is rude to fill up on bbq before you go to someone’s house!!

One sausage at 2 pm Vs 8 burgers at 5 pm makes a huge difference. What did you eat and at what time?

So in the three hours at the pub bbq you had “a bite”.

Yeah, right.

I had a burger at about 2.45, DH a burger and some chips. I just don’t see it being an issue if we’d left that small amount normally

I wouldn’t go out drinking before going to a friends house for dinner nevermind eating!

Agreed. No one is wrong to not eat the whole portion but it's really rude to eat when you're specifically going to her house for a meal. It's unlikely you would have been much hungrier if she'd served at 7pm as it was only 30 minutes later.

You were rude to eat and even ruder to mention it! Can't you see why she's upset - going to effort and expense for people who've already eaten is soul destroying.

YABU

Yes, you were rude.

A small sandwich at 1.00, no problem.
A burger mid afternoon, problem.
YABU. You should have swerved the bbq.
However, I wouldn’t have sent you a message OP, just have let it go.

I always use serving dishes, so people can have as much or as little as they want. I eat really slowly, and can manage a lot, but prefer a little on my plate at a time.

It’s a weird thing for your friend to comment on and even weirder to get upset about it when you complimented her (did you? I assume so) and ate 70% of generous portion. And yes, had you not mentioned you ate some bbq at the pub, she would be non the wiser. And it wouldn’t be an issue.

I think policing how much other ppl eat is rude, for all she knows you might be on a diet and not want to talk about it or draw attention to it.

It’s a non issue and who knows why she got upset about it, perhaps she’s a feeder?

What difference does 30 min make? Pretty rude to eat a bbq before going for dinner.