Friend pissed off I didn’t eat all of the dinner she made me

[HattieD]

Can I ask if you think I was unreasonable? We (my husband and I) had a dinner at my friends (and her husbands) house on Saturday. They weren’t free in the day, so prior to this, we went to an event at a local pub. This was from 2-5, and they had a free BBQ which we had a bite to eat from.

We’d told our friends about the event and the free BBQ being an added bonus. Dinner was served about 6.30 (earlier than we’d usually eat but no issue) and our friend had made a lovely but substantial meal. I gave it a good go, and probably ate about 70% of it, with DH eating slightly more of his.

On Sunday, my friend messaged to say she thought it was rude we ate at the pub and that we left ‘so much’ of our dinner. I reiterated how much we enjoyed the food and said that it was a very generous portion.

I just think that if we hadn’t mentioned the BBQ, she’d have been none the wiser and probably wouldn’t have said anything about the decent amount of food we ate?

Yes this.

Agree

I think the reactions here are somewhat odd…if I host people for dinner (as is quite regular in my house) frankly I don’t give a stuff how much of it they eat, only that they enjoy what they do have. And I wouldn’t for one minute consider passing judgment on what else they’d eaten that day and if it impacted the meal I was serving…people can eat what they want in their own time, at whatever time they want 🤣 it’s hardly like you went out for dinner immediately before going to their house

I wouldn't have told them that I had eaten already as that was rude but if you ate something at lunch at the BBQ , like you say a burger , so that's fine .
Were you a little tipsy when you arrived ? Maybe she thought you were

I've not rtft, I voted yabu. I don't think it's right to accept an invite for dinner and then eat only a few hours before it.

You say its a substantial amount she served in defense, well I imagine if she was cooking for invited guests she's probably went to a lot of effort, rather than only cook a small portion each.

it a BBQ burger is, its basically a meat sandwhich op likely picked up and ate with in her hands while standing/walking around. Nutrition wise more akin to a simple McDonald burger which is hardly filling.

Yes its picky, probably far less filling that all the fatty mayo layered salads people call 'picky bits' in summer. It's not going to be a gourmet stacked smash burger with 2 Angus patties, bacon and blue cheese severed with onion rings and twice fried chips served seated in a restaurant. Its BBQ designed to be hot on the go party food.

Gosh. How incredibly original. 🙄

I am surprised she actually raised it, but I do think that it is good form to arrive hungry when invited for dinner.

however I do think there are different attitudes to food and eating in general. It always pisses me off when my husband doesn’t plan ahead and have lunch early enough when we are going out for dinner or cooking a nice dinner (or going to someone’s house for dinner) as it means he’s not hungry enough to enjoy the meal later and doesn’t eat much. He doesn’t see what the issue with this is and why it annoys me and i guess he has a point - why does it impact me if he doesn’t eat much dinner? but i feel that part of the point is the eating and enjoying food together. He just thinks well i’ll only eat as much as i want and it doesn't matter if that means I just order a starter as a main.

I'd be a bit pissed off if think if I spent time cooking for friends and they came in saying theyd had a free bbq at the pub, then proceeded to leave a substantial amount on the plate. So rude.

I also wouldn't go to the pub for the day when I was going to a friend's house for dinner. You must have been half cut when you got there! No wonder your friend was annoyed.

I wouldn't have discussed with them what I had eaten earlier in the day. I think your friend is being extremely rude herself.

it might be "normal" but it's not common. 6pm is ridiculously early for diner, commuter trains are still full at 7, shops still open, GP surgery still open at 7 - no way most adults will eat anytime before 8, they're not even close to home!

It's a bit of a worry if you consider that not eating between 1 or 2pm until 8 or 9 is "starving yourself" 😂How do you survive sleeping 8 hours at night without food?

You were both wrong tbh. You shouldn’t have mentioned the bbq OP, or definitely reframed it as a free lunch rather than a random mid afternoon burger before dinner. But your friend was super weird to send that message afterwards? I get her being annoyed but I wouldn’t dream of sending that to someone. Hopefully a lesson learned on both sides.

I'm going against the grain, you ate 70% (and your husband ate even more) which is a huge portion, I would be okay with this. Also I would have never brought it up even if I did have a problem with it.

However this is why I try to eat either a late breakfast or an early lunch if I have plans to eat out in the evening. If I eat anything after noonish then I will not be hungry til much later in the evening.

Yes you were rude.

I'm not a believer in having to finish all the food on your plate but to eat so late, and something so substantial as a burger, is so rude.

She probably spent hours making your meal. I think you were exceptionally rude.

I think you were rude. 2 or even later is late for lunch a 6.30 isn't early for tea. I wouldn't expect not to eat lunch if I was going out for tea, but a big lunch? quite late? no. If you'd had something at 12.30, then they'd fed you at 5, yes fine. Earlish lunch and then caught out by a very early tea, but not being ready to eat by 6.30 which isn't early for tea time, is rude.

Of course 6pm is a fairly common time for dinner. Not early at all. Most shops are not open then, and most GP surgeries aren't, also commuter trains are busiest between 5pm and 6pm. Not 7pm! 8pm is not a typical time for dinner or most. Daft post! 🙄

meanwhile, back in the real world.😂

My GP surgery closes - for patients - at 6:30, I expect they don't just slam the door and the staff still works later than that.

My primary school kids still have clubs at 6!

If someone is daft, it's not me. YOU might have a 6pm diner, I don't know anyone else who does. They're not even home, how would they?

Blimey this escalated! I’ve read some of the replies to my husband and he is in stitches so says to thank you for brightening up his Monday.

To address some of the points raised:

-It was a standard BBQ burger - not particularly big and gone in 2/3 few bites!

-We didn’t turn up drunk, I had half a lager and a couple of soft drinks at the pub and DH a couple of pints. Our friend told us she’d been ‘on the wine’ all afternoon prior to our arrival.

-The meal was a curry with all the trimmings, what I left was some of the chicken as the portion was absolutely massive. I should note that my friends husband didn’t finish his either!

Lunchtimes are often out of whack at the weekend, I find. A late lunch might well happen on the same day as eating out later and a single burger a few hours beforehand wouldn’t put me off dinner.

Frankly, I’d be annoyed at being chided. If you’d stopped for a full meal just before and/or not touched your food, fair enough, but a good stab at a large meal a few hours after a light one doesn’t warrant a telling-off.

I’d also not be thrilled at eating at 6:30, but that’s another matter.

Well I don't know anyone who has dinner at 8pm. It's almost like everyone is different isn't it?!

Meanwhile back in the real world.... MOST shops are not open at 7pm and most GP surgeries aren't either. I repeat. Daft. Have this back hun >>> 😂

I still think everybody was rude.

Platting massive portions for your guests is rude.

Eating a very late lunch when you know you are invited for an early diner is rude too.

Commenting on what your guests eat is rude, particularly when you just stuff their plate without asking.

Just let guests help themselves, that's just so weird to treat them like pre-school children.

I think it was rude of you.

I am on team husband

It feels like these two events were incompatible with being on the same day

No, you must be right, who has ever heard of a shop being open at 6pm!
Silly me 😂

What was I thinking
hun 😉