Friend pissed off I didn’t eat all of the dinner she made me

[HattieD]

Can I ask if you think I was unreasonable? We (my husband and I) had a dinner at my friends (and her husbands) house on Saturday. They weren’t free in the day, so prior to this, we went to an event at a local pub. This was from 2-5, and they had a free BBQ which we had a bite to eat from.

We’d told our friends about the event and the free BBQ being an added bonus. Dinner was served about 6.30 (earlier than we’d usually eat but no issue) and our friend had made a lovely but substantial meal. I gave it a good go, and probably ate about 70% of it, with DH eating slightly more of his.

On Sunday, my friend messaged to say she thought it was rude we ate at the pub and that we left ‘so much’ of our dinner. I reiterated how much we enjoyed the food and said that it was a very generous portion.

I just think that if we hadn’t mentioned the BBQ, she’d have been none the wiser and probably wouldn’t have said anything about the decent amount of food we ate?

Sorry Op, not with you on this one at all.

Dinner was served at 6.30pm, you were expecting it around 7pm, half an hour wouldn’t make a huge difference.

If you knew you were invited round there for dinner, I don’t know why you would have eaten beforehand, but even more confused about the fact that you chose to tell your friend that you have eaten!

Personally it would make me feel like a bit of a mug if I had invited somebody round for dinner, slaved away in the kitchen cooking for them, all for them to turn around and say they’ve been at a bbq!

Surely you see the rudeness of that?

Yes sorry I agree with your friends, that would have really upset me too! You knew they were cooking surely you didn’t need a big lunch at a pub

Massively out of order to eat a meal at 3pm even if you were going to have dinner at 7.

Honestly, the replies you're getting seem really weird to me.

It's by no means unreasonable to have lunch in the middle of the day.
It would be very unreasonable to demand that your dinner guests fast before joining you.
It's perfectly normal to leave a plate unfinished.
It's beyond fucking rude to tell your guests off for not clearing their plate! You're not children - come to think of it, it's no longer acceptable to make children finish their plate either. Did she check your hands were clean before sitting down??

Ignore everyone else, and avoid this friend's inhospitable hospitality for now on.

How substantial was the meal she served?

Yes I think it's pretty rude to eat a burger at 3pm when you were going for dinner round someone's house a few hours later.

Yeah I wouldn’t have done this op. A burger is a substantial meal and if I knew I was going to eat at a friend’s early evening I’d have had the control to hold back on a burger mid afternoon or at the most just have some chips to keep me going.

You ate free food late on in the day, when you had agreed to go for a meal at someone’s house??
you are shit dinner guests

Not eating a burger at 3pm is hardly fasting

It's by no means unreasonable to have lunch in the middle of the day.

Since when is 2.45pm the middle of the day? If you'd made it to 3pm and knew you were going to a friend's shortly for the sole purposes of a meal then most people would think it rude to eat a whole meal instead of just a snack.

3pm isn't lunch time when you're going out for dinner. It's perfectly normal to eat a light lunch if you're having dinner cooked for you, and 3pm is too late regardless. Plus OP didn't mention whether they ate lunch before this unexpected free barbecue! The fact that they ate at 2.45pm suggests it wasn't even their lunch...

I think it's rude to eat mid afternoon at a 'free' BBQ when you've been invited to someone's house and they are cooking dinner.

You pretty much know they will have gone to some trouble and can assume that it will be substantial - they've invited guests over ffs. Yet you felt it necessary to eat a burger just before 3pm?

Most people would have skipped that if going out for dinner.

I think it was weird to be eating out before going to someone’s house for dinner but I also wouldn’t have said anything in friend’s shoes, although would have been a bit miffed potentially. It seems strange they would get upset if you really did eat upwards of 75% of a generous portion though.

a bite to eat isn't the same as a full burger and chips, ffs! for most people that's their main meal of the day. Obviously you weren't going to be particularly hungry less than 4hrs later (or even 4hs15 minutes later given you are being pedantic and pretending that eating at 7 would have made all the difference!).

The fact that she's only annoyed at you because you told her that you'd eaten at the pub is a non-argument - you did tell her. That's like saying 'if I hadn't told them I'd murdered their cat they wouldn't have blamed me for their cat's death!'
Realistically you probably would have eaten more than 70% of your meal if you hadn't eaten much all day.

Agree. I think you're unreasonable.

@GarlicMile So, if you were expecting guests at around 6.30pm and you’ve been slaving away in the kitchen cooking for them, all of them to turn around and inform you that they have eaten a burger and chips at almost 3pm for ‘lunch’ …… you’d be fine? I hope you have a little more self respect than that!

Team friend here. I wouldn't eat at 7 pm if I'd had a Burger at 3.

Am I the only one here who could eat a burger at 2:45 and dinner at 6:30? All of this sounds like massively hard work.

You were rude to eat at the BBQ when you knew you had been invited to your friend's for a meal. I wouldn't have eaten at the pub at all, especially as the event was from 2 - 5 pm and I'd have presumably had lunch beforehand.

I wouldn't have mentioned it to you though. If you invite someone to dinner you shouldn't be expecting them to eat however much you've decided they should eat. Sometimes portions are far too big, even without a BBQ before! I had lunch round at a friend's just a couple of weeks ago and even though I'd not eaten since the night before I couldn't manage everything she plated up for me. It was really a huge portion. She didn't say anything though and I think if you offer people food you shouldn't be offended if they can't manage all of it.

I can see why she was miffed though because she'd invited you and when you turned up you'd already eaten which meant you left a fair bit of the food.

I think your friend is batshit op. You can't force someone to eat everything on a plate and you shouldn't force yourself to eat everything. Your friend shouldn't have said anything to you.

Arriving at your friend's for dinner and then telling her you've already had dinner is just rude. Of course she noticed what you didn't eat. The fact that you were just giving her dinner a 'good go' is insulting in itself. She probably worked hard to produce a nice meal for you to enjoy. I don't let things get to me generally but this would seriously irk me.

I think what stranger is that your friend told you how annoyed she was. I would have let it go at some level and not told you but subconsciously wouldn't have invited you around again. So, tbf,good on her.

She's rude to comment on what you ate, but in your position, I wouldn't have had the barbeque. And if I'd had it, I certainly wouldn't have been tactless enough to mention it so she felt that I was ploughing through my food with little enjoyment of it.

I'm in agreement here!
Some uptight folk around.
Plating an adults meal is weird.
(I always eat less than most,.so this would piss me off!)

You ate what you enjoyed , that should be enough for your host.

2:45? That’s a late lunch. You are saying it was rude to eat lunch?

I’d quite happily eat at both but I prefer a little and often approach to food not a starve all day and the stuff myself silly ( that’s how it would feel to me - appreciate others ard different )

giu should not have mentioned any other food through even late lunch