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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

632 replies

Doghouse1g1 · 23/06/2025 11:40

Girls I really need some advice..
I had to cancel my wedding 4 months ago due to my partner cheating with numerous women.
My wedding should have been Saturday just gone in Italy. Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.
My best friend (and bridesmaid) was one of these guests and she contacted me via Facetime yesterday to tell me her boyfriend proposed on Saturday (which should have been my wedding day) on the beach in Italy 🙈
I was absolutely gobsmacked and replied saying I was pleased for her but I needed time to process the news and ended the call.
I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 23/06/2025 12:16

I’m sorry your wedding didn’t happen but I don’t think it would have bothered me that my friend got engaged on that day to be honest. I thought you were going to say there was a proposal at your actual wedding. I think I’d be happy something nice did happen on that day.

SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 23/06/2025 12:16

Your issue is with her fiance not realising he should have (in your eyes) planned his proposal for a different date.
Your mate waited till the next day to tell you, which was kind of her.

Posters saying the friend shouldn't have told OP, how long should she keep her engagement secret for? Or should she have lied about it?

MayaPinion · 23/06/2025 12:16

You should be pleased that at least something good came out of the weekend.

Whiteframe · 23/06/2025 12:17

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 23/06/2025 12:08

Aw isn't that lovely for your friend

and how kind of her to personally let you know the very next day, before you found out from anyone else or read it on her social media.

Yes, this. I suspect OP would have also been devastated if she'd be the last to know.

CantStopMoving · 23/06/2025 12:17

I can totally see why you might feel a bit upset on a personal level…

that said, I’m not entirely sure what she should have done? Say no? Say ‘ask me tomorrow’? Tell her boyfriend he’s an insensitive idiot and why wasn’t he thinking of her mate?

the fact is the opportunity presented itself and he took it. I don’t blame him honestly. I know you are sad but honestly I’d be really happy for them and think some good came out of what was a terrible weekend

BananaPuddingCream · 23/06/2025 12:18

catin8oot5 · 23/06/2025 11:41

You’re being weird

Hard disagree. She was cheated on 4 months ago by the person she was meant to be spending the rest of her life with. On paper, yes, her friend is well within her rights to get engaged on this holiday. But OP is still hurting and she is not weird.

I don’t know a single other person in real life that would be ok with this! Yes they might be happy for their friend but it’s also bound to hurt.

pontipinemum · 23/06/2025 12:18

No I'd have been really upset. Logical me would think, OK I get it they were in a beautiful place, it was no longer the wedding. Maybe he had always planned to propose when they were in Italy anyway.

Emotional me would feel like I had been punched in the gut. What should have been my wedding day was the day my best friend gets engaged.

I would feel awful, but would try to understand that it was very unlikely to have been done with any intention of hurting you.

MyDeftDuck · 23/06/2025 12:18

Perhaps her boyfriend didn’t realise it was originally the day you had planned to get married?
Perhaps it was a spur of the moment thing for him?
Perhaps it is time to understand that you don’t have a unique reserve for that particular date, move on and be happy for your friend.

Had she told you she was planning to get married in the identical place you had chosen then I could understand your angst………🙄

flibbertigibbetty · 23/06/2025 12:18

She was a bit insensitive to tell you on the weekend that should’ve been your wedding but she didn’t do anything wrong in accepting a proposal that weekend…

HMW19061 · 23/06/2025 12:18

It wasn’t your wedding day

DeSoleil · 23/06/2025 12:18

They were making the best out of a bad situation where they had paid to go abroad for your wedding which was cancelled.

i think it’s lovely.

BeMintFatball · 23/06/2025 12:19

@Doghouse1g1 I’m more interested in you actually did this weekend . I hope you still had some friends around you to take you out and celebrate your near miss of marrying the wrong man.

In your shoes I can understand not going to Italy but I hope you went somewhere.

babyproblems · 23/06/2025 12:19

He could’ve told you a few days later and not told you the day he’d proposed. In her shoes that’s what I’d have done.

I can also see why others are saying you’re being weird but see that date as the date you had the courage to save yourself from a lifetime of lies! Well done for not going through with it. Celebrate that date as a date you did yourself the favour of your life - read some of the threads on here by women who’ve married absolute twats and you’ll see what a good thing you did. Sending you a hug xo

Ontherocksthisyear · 23/06/2025 12:19

It's beyond me how many people on this thread are so insensitive. She had to cancel on her wedding because her fiancé was cheating and now bridesmaid gets engaged on what should have been her wedding day. Of course she's going to be upset, and you lot have the cruelty to tell her to 'get over herself'. Typical nasty lot on MN. Your friend was insensitive, of course she couldn't help when/ where her partner chose to propose. But I think she should of used more tack when telling you. She shouldn't have just announced it, and had sensitivity around the subject, and I hope she made it her priority to make sure you were OK with what she was telling you.

BatchCookBabe · 23/06/2025 12:20

I'm sorry you had to cancel your wedding @Doghouse1g1 I feel sad for you. And of course you are allowed to feel a bit miffed about this. The bridesmaid would have known this was the date of your wedding, so it's odd that she 'got engaged' on it. If her boyfriend proposed, then she didn't have to tell anyone for a few days, she could have waited til the following week. I am going against the grain here and think YANBU. It was thoughtless of her, and a bit weird.

When she gets married - if she does - announce on her wedding day (at rhe reception) that you're pregnant.

Kubricklayer · 23/06/2025 12:20

Nn9011 · 23/06/2025 12:12

I'm really shocked by some of the comments on here, I can't believe they don't see an issue with this!? At the end of the day, this wasn't your friend booking a holiday to a random destination and getting engaged. Your bridesmaid little went to the destination for your wedding and got engaged on the day that was supposed to be your wedding day. It's ABSOLUTELY insensitive, especially the way she told you!

Fair enough, maybe if it was the only holiday they could afford this year, at least do it on a different day during the time away. And if that did happen, send a text to say hey just want to let you know this happened. No pressure to be excited as I know things have been tough blah blah blah.

I'm so sorry OP, I hope you're ok and please don't be too upset by some of these comments. I guarantee if it was your brother or a male friend who proposed suddenly he'd be the worst.

You're right her friend didn't book a holiday to a random destination. Her friend was expected and obliged in booking a holiday chosen by OP but which she wasn't able to cancel.

Her friend commited a good deal of money and annual leave to the destination not of her chosing, and was no doubt enjoying it as best she could.

People don't get alot of annual leave and it's common for people to propose in idyllic locations. Was the fiance meant to wait until next years holiday to propose? Should he have requested a list from his soon to DW of pre approved places he can propse at?

Her proposal or destination would have been difficult for OP to swallow regardless, because the hardest thing will be seeing her friend get engaged when she's had a devastating end to her relationship.

OVienna · 23/06/2025 12:20

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RawBloomers · 23/06/2025 12:20

It doesn’t matter when your friend gets engaged, it’s going to hurt a bit because of your situation. And awful though canceling the wedding will have been, far better to than to have ended up married to a man like that. Focus on the positives for you - your lucky escape.

Your friends have been messed around and gone to effort and expense for your wedding which was then called off. They have moved on. You need to too. What you’re feeling sounds like displaced grief about the loss of what you thought was going to a magical wedding and wonderful marriage.

When it comes down to it, this wasn’t your wedding day and you can’t expect anyone, not even your wastobe-bridesmaid, to put their lives on hold and follow a shadow calendar of dates that were going to be important to you. Focus your ire on the person who treated you badly, not your friends.

Tatemoderndrawyourown · 23/06/2025 12:20

This is ridiculous and all the people above saying that you are silly would have reacted the same way you have.

You had to CANCEL A WEDDING because your husband to be was an ass. Some guests went anyway (totally fair) and your friend got engaged (totally fair). She could have told you once home and moved the day by one day. Wtf, who remembers the days in which their friends got engaged, it would be a non-issue to lie to you to soften the umpteen blow.

BatchCookBabe · 23/06/2025 12:20

Ontherocksthisyear · 23/06/2025 12:19

It's beyond me how many people on this thread are so insensitive. She had to cancel on her wedding because her fiancé was cheating and now bridesmaid gets engaged on what should have been her wedding day. Of course she's going to be upset, and you lot have the cruelty to tell her to 'get over herself'. Typical nasty lot on MN. Your friend was insensitive, of course she couldn't help when/ where her partner chose to propose. But I think she should of used more tack when telling you. She shouldn't have just announced it, and had sensitivity around the subject, and I hope she made it her priority to make sure you were OK with what she was telling you.

Yes to this !!! ^

Screamingabdabz · 23/06/2025 12:21

It was no longer your wedding. It was a holiday in Italy that they’d paid for. You chose to have everyone pay for some bougie trip instead of a church hall… so get over it. Be happy for your friend. YABU.

Doncarlos · 23/06/2025 12:21

You're getting a lot of shit here but I don't think it's unreasonable to feel upset about this. Of course you're going to have emotional ties to that day and location, probably more so because your wedding didn't go ahead. In your shoes I'd be upset too.

But, people are right that she didn't do anything wrong, it's a bit of an unfair situation for you both. She does deserve to enjoy her engagement.

I'd say you just have to put a smile on, and be happy for her. If she's a really good friend speak to her about your feelings, but don't make it a problem for her.

prelovedusername · 23/06/2025 12:21

Difficult one. As your best friend she should have been more sensitive about how she let you know but I suppose since it happened on the holiday, others were going to know anyway and you were bound to find out.

The best thing for her to do would have been to keep it secret from everyone till she got back and made sure there was some distance between the date and the announcement.

It was a bit crass of her but not the crime of the century. I’m sorry about your wedding, it must feel very raw right now.

JifNtGif · 23/06/2025 12:22

It was really nice of your friend to let you know directly a day later so you heard it from her but not on the day or your cancelled wedding. I would send her a card with best wishes. You are lucky to have kind friends like her

BananaPuddingCream · 23/06/2025 12:22

Kubricklayer · 23/06/2025 12:20

You're right her friend didn't book a holiday to a random destination. Her friend was expected and obliged in booking a holiday chosen by OP but which she wasn't able to cancel.

Her friend commited a good deal of money and annual leave to the destination not of her chosing, and was no doubt enjoying it as best she could.

People don't get alot of annual leave and it's common for people to propose in idyllic locations. Was the fiance meant to wait until next years holiday to propose? Should he have requested a list from his soon to DW of pre approved places he can propse at?

Her proposal or destination would have been difficult for OP to swallow regardless, because the hardest thing will be seeing her friend get engaged when she's had a devastating end to her relationship.

Show quote history

I think it was more about the day than the holiday.