Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

[Doghouse1g1]

Girls I really need some advice..
I had to cancel my wedding 4 months ago due to my partner cheating with numerous women.
My wedding should have been Saturday just gone in Italy. Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.
My best friend (and bridesmaid) was one of these guests and she contacted me via Facetime yesterday to tell me her boyfriend proposed on Saturday (which should have been my wedding day) on the beach in Italy 🙈
I was absolutely gobsmacked and replied saying I was pleased for her but I needed time to process the news and ended the call.
I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

she didn't tell her on the day. the proposal was on the day. She called her on the sunday to tell her.

personally i'd rather my friend told me asap rather than me find out via social media/someone else in the party blabbing it.

We don't actually know that the Bridesmaid didn't call the OP on the day of the actual wedding and then this happened later in the day/that evening or something.

TBH, the fact the op posted and ran, i think its a questionable thread any way.

actually, if you search this OP's posting history there are 3 posts total.

One in January claiming they broke up with their Ex in June last year. Thats a really quick time from single in january to cancelling an Italian wedding in... checks calendar ....February.

One 'posting for a friend'

and neither have any other posts other than the OP.

I dont think us being 'mean' is why they haven't come back.

Yes I agree, losing a baby is of course much sadder. My comment was more in relation to not acknowledging the grief that she would be experiencing and then re-experiencing due to the announcement.

It’s very insensitive (ridiculously lacking in self-awareness) to propose on a trip that was specifically booked for someone’s now-cancelled wedding to take place but that’s on your friend’s fiance, not your friend. She should’ve acknowledged the news was happy but the timing would be difficult for you.

I think she posted & ran cause everyone kept giving out to her…
It wasn’t nice to see actually ….
People can be very cruel on Mumsnet …

I disagree. The OP needed a reality check.

These kinds of announcements tend to reach people no matter when and how they’re shared. A pregnancy can be announced privately or publicly, but it doesn’t change the fact it’s still happening. It’s how people react that might be different.

Some people have never been pregnant, but can still be “jealous” of their friends or others if it doesn’t happen to them as fast. For example, friends trying to conceive at the same time. If one person gets pregnant and the other doesn't, it can bring up a lot of issues if the “due date” is close. But that is no one’s fault, it’s just how life plays out. Everyone processes these things differently. Things and life will continue regardless

A reality check ! Really !!!!
What, that OP wasn’t overjoyed to hear about her bridesmaid/Friends engagement on the very day that was supposed to be her wedding day , at the exact location she was to be married , & that the only reason they were there was because of her anyway !

Me too

Op will be feeling sad and miserable thinking about the day she should be having, the day she had planned for, and not only did they get engaged on the day it was in the same place

Come on people, have you no empathy????

Yes really. 👍

Not that she should have been overjoyed. Who said that? But that she shouldn't be angry and bitter towards her friend. It was the fiance who proposed, after all - what was she supposed to do... say no? Lie about where happened? Of course not.

Ha good detective work 👏

Exactly. I think a lot of people seen think that the friend called her on her (almost) wedding day to tell her she'd just got engaged. That's not what happened.

Exactly this. It's understandable to be unhappy but the OP is lashing out at the wrong person.

Using words like “angry “ & “bitter” are strong words to be fair ..
OP I’m sure more upset …
I just think the timing was bad form , of course I don’t think her friend should have said no ,or lied either about engagement..
I guess I thought she should have told her when she came home …

I’m so sorry for your situation but you are being unreasonable here. Her BF obviously planned to propose at some point and what better place to do it than Italy in the sunshine! He probably saw the opportunity and decided to take it since there was no longer going to be a wedding. I think you need to move past this and be happy for her and clearly it’s not her fault as she would’ve been unaware?

This!

I get that your upset as you thought that this going to be your special day but if you are good friends you need to be happy for her. it’s not like every year she will be saying it’s our anniversary also he might have been planning on doing this if it was your wedding as Italy is romantic. you should also count your blessings you found out about the cheating before you got married. Op your special one will come along and you will see this as a blessing in disguise and that date will no longer mean anything to you. It hurts now but won’t do forever.

I’m completely lost 😂
Will you explain please Miss Marple
The plot thickens 😂

Using words like “angry “ & “bitter” are strong words to be fair ..
Yeh they are... because her reaction to her friend was strong:
I was absolutely gobsmacked and replied saying I was pleased for her but I needed time to process the news and ended the call. I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

I just think the timing was bad form
The timing was bad form? The timing of the engagement? That was initiated by the guy? 🙈

I guess I thought she should have told her when she came home …
So she could have heard from someone else first? 🤦🏼‍♀️

Absolutely! It's either that or lose a friend... don't sully your friend's engagement by not appearing happy for her.

Hey pp 🙂..
So firstly, OP told her friend she was pleased for her , that she needed time to process the news , so angry & bitter are strong , her response wasn’t angry & bitter , well I don’t think so anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️…

What I meant by timing , was when her friend told her the news ..
You are right though , with regard to a lot worse if she were to hear it from someone else , hold on , am i contradicting myself with the above statement 🙈

Just one question how the fuck did this get to 25 pages when the first 5 posts nailed it

To recap. It was no longer the ops wedding day. The bridesmaids boyfriend proposed. She could have been a bit more sensitive in breaking the news.

Whilst I do think you’re somewhat unreasonable, I do sympathize and I think your friend was quite tactless for telling you on the day. Her boyfriend was even more tactless.
People will tell you that day is not your wedding day as the wedding never happened, but of course it’s not like you’ve just forgotten the day that would’ve been in your head for months.

It is insensitive if nit a little thoughtless...they could have picked ANY DAY and chose that one. But don't let it come between your friendship move on from this hiccup bc it sound like you've been through alot and you need your friends :)

Do you think she got to decide when her partner proposed ? I'm sorry you're hurting but your day never happened. It isn't your wedding day. Even if your wedding went ahead and her partner proposed on the beach before or after - zero you or she can do about it.

The world doesn't stop for you.