Bridesmaid got engaged on my wedding day...

[Doghouse1g1]

Girls I really need some advice..
I had to cancel my wedding 4 months ago due to my partner cheating with numerous women.
My wedding should have been Saturday just gone in Italy. Some of the wedding party decided to go ahead with the weekend anyway as it was all booked and paid for (flights, air bnbs etc) which I was fine with as they has paid a big expense to attend.
My best friend (and bridesmaid) was one of these guests and she contacted me via Facetime yesterday to tell me her boyfriend proposed on Saturday (which should have been my wedding day) on the beach in Italy 🙈
I was absolutely gobsmacked and replied saying I was pleased for her but I needed time to process the news and ended the call.
I am happy for her but I do feel it's totally insensitive and I'm in total shock. How do I move past this?

I'm really surprised at most of these responses.

OP you must have had a really shit weekend, knowing that it should have been your wedding weekend and everyone was out there having a good time - I get why they went, but it still must have stung.

I think your BF was totally insensitive to tell you about it ... it's not her fault her boyfriend chose that weekend to propose but I think she could have been more tactful.

Try not to let it ruin your friendship though ... and thank god you found out about the cheating scum fiance before the big day. It would have been a lot worse if this had come to light afterwards.

YABU for the goady title that doesn't reflect what happened

If he had proposed on your actual wedding day during the wedding than I would say it would have been highly unreasonable
But it wasent your wedding day and you weren't even there!

Whatever happened on that particular day will upset you, I can understand why you would feel upset, but they were only there 2 days, so you can’t blame them.

Why does everyone need to "process" everything these days?
why does everything have to have a poncy name and be a "thing"?

Yes - your thread title does not reflect what actually happened.

I agree with pp she didn't have to face time you and I really think they could have been a bit more sensitive to you, it is done now try and not dwell on it.

I was going to say, kindly, but there probably isn't a way to say it kindly. Your ego was big enough that you had friends spend all that money on travelling for your wedding, which didnt happen, and now you think they shouldn't allow anything lovely to happen while they're there?

Obviously what happened was hard for you, but I like to think I'd be thrilled that at least something good had come from it all, easing tjale embarrassment that they'd spent all that money st my request for nothing.

Well it wasn't your wedding day was it?

Be happy for your friend and hope she's got a better man than you had, is my advice.

I think you should see it as the date that was once your wedding day has now turned into a positive date for your friend and I think you should be happy for her.

4 months is nothing ... she found out the man she was due to marry and could see her future mapped out with was cheating! Christ it'll take more than that to get over it. Particularly the weekend just gone ... the actual day!

Some heartless pricks on here.

OP not BU for feeling upset given her connection to the date.

Friend not BU as didn't ask to be proposed to and was understably sharing excited news (no time would've been the right time to share in OP's eyes considering it was her intended wedding destination).

Friend's fiance not BU as presumably isn't close to OP and 4 months have passed since the breakoff so likely it wouldn't have entered his thought (you're on to a loser if you need to be sensitive of her your partners friends life events).

Overall nobody really BU, just a case of shit happening really.

I'm really shocked by some of the comments on here, I can't believe they don't see an issue with this!? At the end of the day, this wasn't your friend booking a holiday to a random destination and getting engaged. Your bridesmaid little went to the destination for your wedding and got engaged on the day that was supposed to be your wedding day. It's ABSOLUTELY insensitive, especially the way she told you!

Fair enough, maybe if it was the only holiday they could afford this year, at least do it on a different day during the time away. And if that did happen, send a text to say hey just want to let you know this happened. No pressure to be excited as I know things have been tough blah blah blah.

I'm so sorry OP, I hope you're ok and please don't be too upset by some of these comments. I guarantee if it was your brother or a male friend who proposed suddenly he'd be the worst.

I can see that it is upsetting but that does not mean you are being reasonable

I agree, is nobody empathetic anymore .

I don't think the issue is that she got engaged on the day you were supposed to get married but the fact she told you excitedly on FaceTime

I thought you meant at your actual wedding reception - I think YABU. Her boyfriend proposed to her while they were on holiday. That’s it

I would be upset too OP. You can’t change it, of course she should have said yes but you can still be happy for her and sad for you. I totally get it

Nailed it

Well I'll just say that I'm glad some of the people on this thread aren't my best mate / bridesmaid. Talk about kicking someone when they're already down.

I am surprised so many people are ademant you are weird. Of course the day that should have been is going to be a sensitive one for you! Asking for some time is fine.

I don't think she was wrong, per se. And I do think your next reaction now should be to make her wedding about her. Pick up the phone, and propose to take her out for drinks to celebrate finding the actually right one.

Astonished at the lack of sympathy for a woman whose fiancé cheated and who had to cancel her wedding. What an awful thing to go through.

I’m sure they didn’t do it to hurt you but your feelings are completely understandable.

Always weird when two mumsnet rules meet each other. A cheated on woman is usually given nothing but empathy but anyone wanting a destination wedding is hounded. Even though the wedding didn’t take place OP is being treated with contempt.

Another thing .... I've always thought it's a bit weird to propose in a group setting/holiday. It should be a private/personal thing, just the two of you. He's being a cheapskate tagging that onto that weekend 😁... sort your own holiday/proposal out mate.

It's shitty for you OP that your boyfriend did this. However try to see the bigger picture. You have a group of friends who were willing to travel abroad for your wedding. They have taken on a considerable financial burden for this for which by the sounds of it they hold no resentment. Yes it maybe wasn't the most considerate thing to do but it sounds like on the whole you have a nice group of friends and in the long run this isn't really going to affect you. Just say congratulations and let them be happy

@Helpmeplease2025 oh the day after was it, ah that's grand so. Behave.

Still shitty.