DH and neighbour weird situation

[anotherglass]

Hello, yesterday my neighbour came over for a BBQ. She has been widowed for several years and we generally get on v well, exchanging Xmas cards, and putting eachothers' bins out when we are away etc. She does not have a partner currently.
After a nice BBQ in the afternoon catching up on the street, the three of us (me, DH and neighbour) sat in the garden cabin listening to music. Then came the bit that shocked me. There was a brief conversation about a new local massage centre that we thought was a bit dodgy. I add this for context.
Then neighbour volunteers that when she moved to the area, with her former husband, she jokingly thought about setting up a fantasy style sex chat line, in quite a niche area.

She went into detail about how she would operate the line. She was stood up in the centre of the room while she said this. I was shocked as our conversation never strays into personal sexual areas. I have only ever thought of her as a nice lady, my age.
DH pipes up he'd use her phone line. I was mortified.
I was very tired last night so did not raise how upset it had made me feel. I have woken this morning thinking WTF happened last night and how do I deal with it.
I raised with DH this morning and he says 'it was just a joke" and to "calm down".
Neighbour has invited us over for a BBQ. How would you deal with this situation? I am angry at both neighbour and DH.

I would make it very clear to my husband he crossed the line and I want him to have NOTHING to do with this neighbour at all and certainly texting or speaking to her would be a big line crossed! She was testing the water and flirting with your husband in front of you and instead of shutting it down he encouraged it!!

This did cross my mind.

I am v upset with his response. The banter wasn't funny to me.

You brought up the subject of sex work.

She shared a business idea that she once had when she moved there, and didn't get off the ground.

All good so far.

Then you husband made it personal and sexual between the two of them.

He was the problem, not her.

I see your point a little more know as initially I thought yiu were just scandalised by the subject! Still wouldn’t be so cross with neighbour but yes, I wouldn’t be happy if my DH responded that way. It’s not appropriate in my mind and I know he said you’re overreacting but I’d ask how would he feel if it was a male neighbour and it was you who enthusiastically responded. Maybe ask him that!

I have a problem with both of them. She overshared information, very specific, about the idea for the sex phone line. At no point in knowing her for 5 years have we ever strayed into discussions about personal sexual stuff. It's been fairly vanilla. He reacted enthusiastically. My issue is how to deal with this. I can't unhear what I did. The whole situation has given me the ick.

DH pipes up he'd use her phone line. I was mortified

No wonder. His mind was so much on his penis that he totally forgot that he has a wife, and that you were right there with him.

Hubby reacted enthusiastically about hearing her naughty side

I bet he did. 😒A lot of men would interpret her openness about this topic as a hint.

Honestly this is the sort of conversation my friends and I would have and it wouldn’t bother me at all if my dh said he’d use the phone line, he was clearly joking.
If you’re upset, you’re upset and that’s your right. But personally it wouldn’t bother me. It’s a shame that you’re considering spoiling a friendly, neighbourly relationship over it.

Probably something like
"I highly doubt that DH, anyway would anyone like another drink/ more food?"
Change subject

Thank you. My issue is how do I respond now. My neighbour has invited us over for BBQ but I cannot unhear what I heard nor DH response.

Uhm she’s lonely desperate and after your DH sorry. I’d give her bbq and anything else, a miss.

The issue is I don't know if my DH was joking.

I am inclined to cool the friendship. I don't want, nor need, to feel uncomfortable with this icky sexual dynamic now in play.

Presumably because at no point you'd ever spoken to her about brothels?

You seem determined to blame her but your husband was the one who took it from business plan to personal and sleazy.

He massively disrespected you, not her.

Exactly x

She wqs inside ypur house with just you and DH so wouldn't say it at a barbaque has your DH cheated or anything before that has made this git a nerve? I would of told pair of them at the.time.

Another vote for her testing the waters to see if she could stray into the swinging territory.

You should take a leaf out of DH book and encourage other women's entrepreneurial ambitions.

Suggest she employee bikini plant pot neighbour from the other thread as one her operators, and then go canvessing door to door for potential customers.

Soon the lines will be ringing non stop with only single men and your DH and bikini plant pot neghbour threads DH will be free of this unwanted attention and life can return to normal.

I am not determined to blame her. I am furious with my DH for how he reacted. However, I would never go into a couple's home, as a single woman, and reveal details of my naughty sexual side. Why risk making the host uncomfortable?

She got slightly "fiddly"? Ooh must have missed that bit in the OP!! That's a different conversation altogether 😁

Everybody needs good neighbours
With a little understanding you can find the perfect blend
Neighbours, should be there for one another
That's when good neighbours, become good friends

credits roll

Sounds like drunken chat that went a bit OTT. Does happen. Try to put it to the back of your mind @anotherglass BUT I would be avoiding this neighbour from now on. She'll be asking for a threesome next! 😬 (I think I'd be thinking about moving to be honest. I wouldn't want to live next to her.)

I don't think he was.

It was ill-judged of her to introduce that level of sexual detail into the evening. It has made me wary of what might crop up in other social gatherings with the three of us. She is a single lady and has been for a while now. It does cross my mind that she might be putting out some feelers out as our conversation has never strayed into this area before. Shame this has tainted our friendship as she has up to now been a really good neighbour.

She probably thought she was having a fun (drink-fuelled) conversation with 'friends'. Obviously not. Your husband said what most of us would have said, whilst laughing it off.
Really can't see the issue?