DH takes the best of everything

[Floranan]

It really p me off, he always gets in first with food / drink takes the best for himself always. Buy doughnuts leave them on the side, he doesn’t think “ oh she loves the apple one or DGD loves the pink one so I’ll leave them and have the chocolate one” oh no if the apple of pink one looks best he takes it. I know that’s a silly example but you get the idea.

today I served dinner. On a Sunday we always eat as a family at the table and I put the food out in serving bowls. I think I should do a diagram people are going to ask for a diagram. Anyway I sit at the end so I can easily get things and DH one side and dd (adult) sits opposite. DH and DD are very close have the same interests and can talk for hours. I don’t normally mind but today I lost it.

I put the chicken in the middle of the table the potatoes my side of the meat the veg the other, forget the gravy go back to kitchen to get, via back door to let dog in. Get to table and they have served themselves. dd normal size meal fine, DH his plate is over flowing all the breast gone leaving just 1 drum stick and the wings and thighs, I only eat the breast or a little thigh I wouldn’t mind but it was 1.9 kg chicken !. DD passed me some thigh meat, I took some spuds and asked for veg, then asked again, then asked for wine they had wine where was mine. Normally I would make a fuss insist I’m passed stuff but today I just couldn’t be bothered, if they couldn’t see I didn’t have any dinner I just couldn’t be bothered. I cleared the plates away, realised the reason I hadn’t been offered veg was because the pig had but the most of it on his plate only to leave what would have been mine because he was full.

i left them to clear the kitchen (they always do if I cook) though I normally stay and help,

I just feel un important, not noticed, at one time he would have made sure I had the best he would see a lovely slice of meat and put it on my plate. When did that stop ? I missed it happening. I know now and for some time, I seem unimportant to him . I’m in bed with a glass of wine and some spicy tangy wotsits watching call the midwife.

I don't understand why people martyr themselves to this extent. Just plate your food up first then put the rest on the table, and if anyone asks why just tell them.

You seem to be frightened of your family @Floranan
Why?

This sounds just like my (hopefully) soon to be ex husband. He did this exact thing at my parents at Christmas - I took my helping of turkey off his plate, he went off in a strop and if I’m honest it was absolutely a massive contributing factor for me asking to separate.

Mine can be an absolute hog. I do plate up in the kitchen. Last week lamb chops two each. Plus potatoes and three vegetables. I filled his plate with a huge heap of everything except the lamb chops I admit to picking out the nicest one and the smallest one. He got the two medium ones.

The bugger walked in saw both plates one heaped up, one with a few vegetables but the nicest chop. He asked which one was his and pulled a face when I pointed to the overflowing plate. I'm sure he was itching to swop chops 🤣

If your DD is an adult you have taken an awfully long time to get cross about this OP.

He's not going to change now, you have agency. Treat him like the greedy kid he is and control all portion sizes and servings from now on.

Make up plates until he stops this selfish behaviour.

Tell him why.

LTB

Why redact everything except fucking 😅

Thigh is the best bit though! Tasty and the biggest bit of crispy skin.

I grew up in a house where this was absolutely the norm. My brother got all the best food while us girls were given the scraps basically. It’s shocking now when I think back on it. Second class citizens in our own home.

As everyone else has said, if you cook it, you should decide how to share it out fairly by plating it up yourself.

He sounds awful - is he generally just a selfish shit or just around food?
As PP’s said, you need to be more assertive - if you buy cakes choose yours first. If he takes all the meat you tell him not to be a greedy pig and take some from his plate.

Awwww OP. I know how that feels.
My way round this is that I now serve myself first. Yeah, now I look rude but I was sick to death of the selfishness and total lack of consideration. I also plate up portions and put the leftovers away. Wine is in the kitchen with me.

You need to plate up in the kitchen. Start giving the pig normal sized portions. Don’t put everything on the table.

I wouldn’t cook for him at all. He’s a pig who doesn’t care about you.

I cannot fathom tolerating such ignorance.
I wouldn't cook for them again for the longest time.
Absolutely uncouth.
Down tools indefinitely and do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk to raise your bar.

How on earth have you remained married to such a pig?

Cooks prerogative is the first choice for things. My husband wouldn’t dare massacre the roast joint without asking me.

If there’s always fights or preference for the breast then I’d buy chicken crowns or id cut up a whole chicken and freeze the grey meat for another meal then only cook the crown.

But before all that - I’d tell that greedy fat bastard to think of other people before stuffing his face. Your DDs shouldn’t learn that a man can come and take all the best things after she’s slaved over a stove for him. The fact they’re adult makes me think you’ve put up with this for a long time. You need to woman up.

@Popsicle1981I genuinely hope your post is satire, because if it’s not, you are utterly deluded (and part of the problem!) 😨

Also…what the actual fuck do you mean with ‘women can be satisfied with an apple’??? 🤯🤯🤯🤯 This is truly bizarre! 😱🤦‍♀️

Time to plan for a new life.

Stop being so passive op, that was the opportunity to speak up, as soon as you came back to table and realised the meat was gone, boom, speak up- ‘excuse me that breast meat isnt all for you! Pls leave some for me!’ And ‘oh you’ve got wine, lovely, did no one think to pour me any’???

This!!!

I’d missed the wine in the original comment. Somehow I’m even more enraged that he poured himself a glass without pouring her one than I am about him nicking all the food.

He has absolutely no basic manners does he. And no thought for his wife’s happiness.

I bet he’s awful in the sack

Let him cook next Sunday and serve yourself first. This is at the least very bad manners.

But this DH took both breast for himself. Very greedy and selfish.

Well in my house I generally carve the breast up and thigh meat up and put on a meat platter along with the drum sticks and wings and people generally take some of each. My DH is vegetarian so at least I know he'll never take all of the chicken breasts. But adult sons would help themselves to take one drum stick, some breast meat and thigh meat each and they'd generally pass the meat platter around and now I think about it they usually offer it to me first. I only take a bit of breast and thigh so then they know they can share up whatever is left between them.

Why are people even replying to this post any more.

It’s clearly one of those where AI puts a post out there and doesn’t return.

Nobody had replied to it for nearly 9 hours - until you replied to it!

Regardless of how it was or wasn't started, it's developed into an interesting and engaging discussion.