DH takes the best of everything

[Floranan]

It really p me off, he always gets in first with food / drink takes the best for himself always. Buy doughnuts leave them on the side, he doesn’t think “ oh she loves the apple one or DGD loves the pink one so I’ll leave them and have the chocolate one” oh no if the apple of pink one looks best he takes it. I know that’s a silly example but you get the idea.

today I served dinner. On a Sunday we always eat as a family at the table and I put the food out in serving bowls. I think I should do a diagram people are going to ask for a diagram. Anyway I sit at the end so I can easily get things and DH one side and dd (adult) sits opposite. DH and DD are very close have the same interests and can talk for hours. I don’t normally mind but today I lost it.

I put the chicken in the middle of the table the potatoes my side of the meat the veg the other, forget the gravy go back to kitchen to get, via back door to let dog in. Get to table and they have served themselves. dd normal size meal fine, DH his plate is over flowing all the breast gone leaving just 1 drum stick and the wings and thighs, I only eat the breast or a little thigh I wouldn’t mind but it was 1.9 kg chicken !. DD passed me some thigh meat, I took some spuds and asked for veg, then asked again, then asked for wine they had wine where was mine. Normally I would make a fuss insist I’m passed stuff but today I just couldn’t be bothered, if they couldn’t see I didn’t have any dinner I just couldn’t be bothered. I cleared the plates away, realised the reason I hadn’t been offered veg was because the pig had but the most of it on his plate only to leave what would have been mine because he was full.

i left them to clear the kitchen (they always do if I cook) though I normally stay and help,

I just feel un important, not noticed, at one time he would have made sure I had the best he would see a lovely slice of meat and put it on my plate. When did that stop ? I missed it happening. I know now and for some time, I seem unimportant to him . I’m in bed with a glass of wine and some spicy tangy wotsits watching call the midwife.

Do you know, that's just really hit me...because my dh does that as well and I take it totally for granted. He always checks I'm okay with what I've got and if I'm not happy with my seat or my food or whatever, he will always offer his and always offers me the biggest portion of anything or first choice. I must make sure I really show my appreciation next time. Thank you so much!

I feel p- off for you op, so next time just be ready and say, are you for fucking real you greedy bast@@d , that will stop him, say no more take your portion of food and eat, let him be embarrassed, so he should be , greedy tw@t, sorry for language but am fuming for you ,

My DH is similar.
I wonder if its a sign of their insecuriality, whatever the reason it's not attractive is it!
I always thought my husband was competing with our son because he does this kind of thing, and always has done since DS was a baby!
But in this instance you didn't have another male at the table.
I think the advice to plate up in future is sound, but it shouldn't be necessary should it!

I've known someone who was like that but they were a narcissist with no empathy and had ASD. Not saying ASD makes people like that as none of the other people I know who have it are. But that selfishness and lack of care for others is a specific disorder I think.

I knew this one other person who shoved my portion of stir fried meat into his mouth out of the pan, after I'd served him a full plate?! He said he thought it was going spare! He hasn't even started his own huge plate.

Taking both breasts of a chicken that serves four people, knowing that will leave none of the meat they prefer for the person who cooked it?! Or anyone else?

I'd swipe that shit back onto my own plate and tell them how greedy and selfish they were.

Stuff like that around food would send me spiralling. I don't think I could cook for people like that. Not anymore.

I'd do this too

He is a selfish pig. But I guess you probably already know this.
You need to plate up the meals if youre cooking. And give him a normal amount and make sure you take the best for you.
You do need to stand up for yourself and call him out on it - Every. Single. Time.
And take your share. Make a big fuss of it and tell him there are 3 adults of you in the house and he needs to think of others.
Or just stop cooking for him. Tell him enough, you're not doing it anymore.
Seriously take a fuck off massive stand here. This would be a hill I would be prepared to die on! He's an ignorant arse!

I always thought my husband was competing with our son because he does this kind of thing, and always has done since DS was a baby!

You'd have to be a very sad individual as an adult, trying to compete in absolutely anything with a baby.

Did he really try to take away the nutrition that a baby needed, just to somehow 'win' in his mind as a grown man?

Why would anyone stay married to such a selfish arsehole?

I would have called him out on it and gone and taken food back off his plate.
In future i'd serve it up in the kitchen then take their plates out.

Better to start saying something to these things than to stay silent and stew, this stuff just accumulates and sits under your skin, it's no good for you. Don't be a martyr and don't worry about causing confrontation, just get it off your chest so it doesn't build up to a massive thing (like it is doing..)

DH his plate is over flowing all the breast gone leaving just 1 drum stick and the wings and thighs, I only eat the breast or a little thigh I wouldn’t mind but it was 1.9 kg chicken

Call him on it. Point out that he's taken all the meat and vegetables, so there's none for you. Ask for wine. Do it with a bit of a joking tone, but point it out.

He's a very thoughtless selfish person.

Good luck in staying married ...

Why didn’t you pour the gravy over his head? He sounds like a selfish pig.🐷

Why can only 2 people have the breast? It can be sliced so everyone can have some.

I think I would of left the table and the house without saying a word and gone for a carvery

Have I been living rent free in your head? You replied to my same post twice. 🤣 I’m flattered.

1. Next time call him out as everyone suggested.
2. Why people forgot nursery rule that everyone starts a meal when all sit down?

My 3y old can manage that. Guess what, once FIL was called out on it and quickly adopted.

1. If everyone likes chicken breast, buy that and roast it. There is no point in doing the whole bird if everyone likes one part of it 😉

If no one likes thigh/leg meat why roast a whole chicken? Why not roast breast portions so no one misses out?

Incidentally, it's a mystery to me why anyone would voluntarily eat a chicken breast. They are so bland compared with the dark meat.

Take his plate and say thank you for serving me love and pass him your empty one. It's the only way he'll see it.

People still saying it’s all the OP’s fault? Cool….

I don't think most people who like chicken only like the breast and hate the rest of it; it's just that the breast is the most obviously tenderest part, and also more instant to access rather than the other parts which can take a little more effort to get at.

I think that, if you asked most people what their favourite part of a roast dinner was, the majority would probably say the roast potatoes, and hardly anybody would say the cabbage; but that doesn't mean that most people would only want a plate of roast potatoes and no other veg at all.

My H has a tendency to do this - I think it's a result firstly of his childhood (he was spoilt rotten) and then of never having a proper long term/living together relationship until he met me mid 30s so he had all those years with only himself to think about.

Honestly it annoys the fuck out of me particularly in situations like you say, where I've cooked and I can see him hovering like a vulture waiting for me to carve the meat so he can grab the best bits! I pull him up on it every time and he has definitely improved but still sometimes slips back onto being completely selfish 🙄

My OH would never do this- I serve first as he knows I have a much smaller plate and then he hoovers up the rest. I don’t know how you didn’t say anything. Especially as you cooked!

The words you were looking for in this situation were 'You greedy bastards, stop taking all of the food for yourself and think about the person who actually cooked it. If this happens once more, I will cook my own food and you can do your own'. And proceed to remove food from their plates and onto your own so that you can also have a decent meal.

OP, you're husband is selfish and greedy. He will not change on his own- there is no point holding out hope that this will happen. Address it and if he doesn't change, consider your future.

Sadly your dd has had years of watching this behaviour and seems to be following suit.

I think we know how dinner time goes in their household 😆

Honestly OP why did you not just take his plate and his glass of wine? You should have stood up for yourself. He’s being a selfish git because you’re allowing him to get away with it. Use your words and tell him you also want breast and you also want vegetables and you also want wine. Use your words and embarrass the hell out of him for this stupid behaviour.