Page 17 | GP displaying family photos, children's pictures dedicated to 'daddy' or 'mummy'

Ilovepastafortea · 2025-06-22T17:19:06+00:00

I'm lucky in that I've only had 2 miscarriages. A friend of mine's DIL has now just had her 5th. Friend went to GP with her & was upset to see GP had pictures of their children & pictures obviously done by their children with annotations saying things like 'I love you daddy'. This is all rather cute & lovely, but my friend thought rather insensitive when her DIL had recently lost a much wanted 5th PG. She also had concerns about women who are seeking fertility treatment - do they really need to be reminded how fertile their GP is? We had a long discussion: we considered that on the plus side it shows that the GP is a family person with children & the inference is that they understand the problems of having a family. We considered that people who work in banks, in Boots, therapists, the supermarket, the Jobcentre could argue the same point. They don't display their children's photos. I agree with her, family photos & personal pictures have no place in a GP's consulting room. So AINBU thinking the family photos have no place in GP consulting rooms?

ButteredRadishes · 25/06/2025 07:31

Calliopespa · 25/06/2025 07:25

About 20 percent of 40 year olds will fall pregnant after six months of trying. That isn’t 20 percent compared with 100 percent of 20 year olds; it compares with 45 percent of 20 year olds after 6 months. Falling pregnant happens in a window of cycles usually. An “each cycle percentage” misses the point that adding months increases the chances.

Try for longer and it increases.

Twenty percent is not “very unlikely.” Especislly when twenty year old fertility is less than 50 percent in that time frame.

More anecdotally, I know plenty of mums who conceived late thirties and early forties and the women I know who didn’t get there in the end had fertility issues from their twenties.

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20% is still not very likely is it?

It 80% likely you won't get pregnant with 6 months of trying.

ByLimeAnt · 25/06/2025 07:35

Gosh OP, you are getting a really hard time here.

FWIW, I don't think you are being unreasonable. For the reasons you have stated, but also from a safety perspective. I was once peripherally involved in a situation where a very unwell gentleman made specific death threats against his GP. No way would I be drawing attention to my family at work.

Your feelings are valid, look after yourself.

Calliopespa · 25/06/2025 07:36

ButteredRadishes · 25/06/2025 07:31

20% is still not very likely is it?

It 80% likely you won't get pregnant with 6 months of trying.

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That needs to be viewed alongside 55 percent likelihood you don’t get pregnant in 6 months of trying when you are twenty.

Thatsalineallright · 25/06/2025 07:48

Calliopespa · 25/06/2025 07:25

About 20 percent of 40 year olds will fall pregnant after six months of trying. That isn’t 20 percent compared with 100 percent of 20 year olds; it compares with 45 percent of 20 year olds after 6 months. Falling pregnant happens in a window of cycles usually. An “each cycle percentage” misses the point that adding months increases the chances.

Try for longer and it increases.

Twenty percent is not “very unlikely.” Especislly when twenty year old fertility is less than 50 percent in that time frame.

More anecdotally, I know plenty of mums who conceived late thirties and early forties and the women I know who didn’t get there in the end had fertility issues from their twenties.

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You also have to factor in the higher risk of miscarriage at older ages. Also higher risk of health issues for the baby. And that goes for both older mum and dad.

No one should assume they can get pregnant easily, but especially if you're over 35. Sure that's not everyone, that's what statistics mean, but it's definitely not a sure-fire thing.

MissDoubleU · 25/06/2025 08:34

Calliopespa · 25/06/2025 07:25

About 20 percent of 40 year olds will fall pregnant after six months of trying. That isn’t 20 percent compared with 100 percent of 20 year olds; it compares with 45 percent of 20 year olds after 6 months. Falling pregnant happens in a window of cycles usually. An “each cycle percentage” misses the point that adding months increases the chances.

Try for longer and it increases.

Twenty percent is not “very unlikely.” Especislly when twenty year old fertility is less than 50 percent in that time frame.

More anecdotally, I know plenty of mums who conceived late thirties and early forties and the women I know who didn’t get there in the end had fertility issues from their twenties.

Show quote history

It’s unhelpful to say a percentage of women “will fall pregnant” without also taking into account the likelihood of carrying that pregnancy to full term.

The risk of miscarriage continues to increase as we get older. At age 40 it’s around 33%. For many, as with the lady OP was referencing, the getting pregnant part isn’t the main issue.

HornungTheHelpful · 25/06/2025 10:01

Calliopespa · 25/06/2025 07:25

About 20 percent of 40 year olds will fall pregnant after six months of trying. That isn’t 20 percent compared with 100 percent of 20 year olds; it compares with 45 percent of 20 year olds after 6 months. Falling pregnant happens in a window of cycles usually. An “each cycle percentage” misses the point that adding months increases the chances.

Try for longer and it increases.

Twenty percent is not “very unlikely.” Especislly when twenty year old fertility is less than 50 percent in that time frame.

More anecdotally, I know plenty of mums who conceived late thirties and early forties and the women I know who didn’t get there in the end had fertility issues from their twenties.

Show quote history

This. A lot of fertility issues are present earlier, but only get identified later on in life. Also, the people still trying in their 40s tend to be the people who didn't have children earlier. For some that's because they weren't trying earlier, but many will be "still trying" so this may skew the data.

No one is saying that it isn't harder to get pregnant in your forties, of course it is, but those who would always have difficulty may skew the data because they - not having been successful earlier - are still trying.

My own timeline was that I started trying when I turned 30. For various reasons we were told not to worry and to just keep trying. We didn't start investigating infertility (beyond with our GPs) until I was 35. If we hadn't even started trying until I was 32, or heaven forfend, 35 I would have been close to or in the "dreaded" 40+ bracket. I had three IVF children (and a couple of losses) in quick succession, because I was aware of my window closing. It took a phenomenal toll on my body. I am now 43 and we are contemplating using our last frozen embryo (I would not go through another full round), but desperate as I am to use it, I am aware this may not be what is best for our family. The other thing that bothers me is that I don't understand what the additional risks are with an embryo "conceived" when I was 38, but implanted at 43 (of course it may well not work anyway, but I would like to understand the additional risks).

I don't think we understand the additional risks or the downturn in fertility properly yet. And I can't help but believe that this is in part because it is seen as a woman's issue (though of course reproduction affects everyone if you think about it).

Calliopespa · 25/06/2025 10:52

HornungTheHelpful · 25/06/2025 10:01

This. A lot of fertility issues are present earlier, but only get identified later on in life. Also, the people still trying in their 40s tend to be the people who didn't have children earlier. For some that's because they weren't trying earlier, but many will be "still trying" so this may skew the data.

No one is saying that it isn't harder to get pregnant in your forties, of course it is, but those who would always have difficulty may skew the data because they - not having been successful earlier - are still trying.

My own timeline was that I started trying when I turned 30. For various reasons we were told not to worry and to just keep trying. We didn't start investigating infertility (beyond with our GPs) until I was 35. If we hadn't even started trying until I was 32, or heaven forfend, 35 I would have been close to or in the "dreaded" 40+ bracket. I had three IVF children (and a couple of losses) in quick succession, because I was aware of my window closing. It took a phenomenal toll on my body. I am now 43 and we are contemplating using our last frozen embryo (I would not go through another full round), but desperate as I am to use it, I am aware this may not be what is best for our family. The other thing that bothers me is that I don't understand what the additional risks are with an embryo "conceived" when I was 38, but implanted at 43 (of course it may well not work anyway, but I would like to understand the additional risks).

I don't think we understand the additional risks or the downturn in fertility properly yet. And I can't help but believe that this is in part because it is seen as a woman's issue (though of course reproduction affects everyone if you think about it).

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That’s exactly the point I was going to make about a higher proportion of women still trying in their forties being the “ just can’t” section of women who, through no fault of their own, couldn’t have conceived even if they had started at 14. And that does skew the stats.

But there is an increasing attitude amongst some that delaying pregnancy is “ bringing it on yourself” and they don’t want to hear otherwise so I couldn’t be bothered replying.

But if the people I’ve known who delayed for good reason, they got the family they wanted ( sometimes with more trials and tribulation) and it was certainly better than having Dc with the wrong partner or before they were otherwise ready.

I know some who sadly didn’t but they were trying from their youth.

HornungTheHelpful · 25/06/2025 15:24

Calliopespa · 25/06/2025 10:52

That’s exactly the point I was going to make about a higher proportion of women still trying in their forties being the “ just can’t” section of women who, through no fault of their own, couldn’t have conceived even if they had started at 14. And that does skew the stats.

But there is an increasing attitude amongst some that delaying pregnancy is “ bringing it on yourself” and they don’t want to hear otherwise so I couldn’t be bothered replying.

But if the people I’ve known who delayed for good reason, they got the family they wanted ( sometimes with more trials and tribulation) and it was certainly better than having Dc with the wrong partner or before they were otherwise ready.

I know some who sadly didn’t but they were trying from their youth.

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We're ad idem. Unfortunately, women do seem to love pulling other women down whatever the circumstances, and I have met many women who do what you mention. I have been told that starting as late as 30 was the reason why I had to go through IVF - for all we know my husband's sperm was crap when he was 18. Always assumed it's the woman too.