GP displaying family photos, children's pictures dedicated to 'daddy' or 'mummy'

[Ilovepastafortea]

I'm lucky in that I've only had 2 miscarriages.

A friend of mine's DIL has now just had her 5th. Friend went to GP with her & was upset to see GP had pictures of their children & pictures obviously done by their children with annotations saying things like 'I love you daddy'.

This is all rather cute & lovely, but my friend thought rather insensitive when her DIL had recently lost a much wanted 5th PG. She also had concerns about women who are seeking fertility treatment - do they really need to be reminded how fertile their GP is?

We had a long discussion: we considered that on the plus side it shows that the GP is a family person with children & the inference is that they understand the problems of having a family. We considered that people who work in banks, in Boots, therapists, the supermarket, the Jobcentre could argue the same point. They don't display their children's photos.

I agree with her, family photos & personal pictures have no place in a GP's consulting room.

So AINBU thinking the family photos have no place in GP consulting rooms?

Sad as it is OP (I’ve had three micarriages too…all late ones over 28 weeks) you and your friend are being very unreasonable.

Our grief is ours to bear. Other people do not have to tread on eggshells for fear of upsetting or offending ‘someone’…where would this end? Do we never grow our hair in case we upset cancer patients? Do we never drive our new expensive car in case we upset those who can’t even afford to get a bus? Never point out the stunning view because the blind can’t see it?

Can you see how ridiculous this is?

Gently, this is loss clouding your judgement and I get it. I've had 2 miscarriages, a stillbirth and a neonatal death [twins] in the last three years. I remember feeling so sensitive about these things but the reality is....people dont stop for other people's grief and that's a healthy thing too as you do have to keep going forward and find a new way of coping with triggers. When my twin babies died, I had to remind myself none of these things were personal.

Sorry for your previous losses.

As other pp have said, we need to learn how to deal with are feelings.

its difficult overcoming grief and having reminders that other people don’t perceive to have that grief is hard.

GP's work long hours often not seeing their kids much and if having pictures of their kids and drawings up they can look at through the day makes them happy then so be it! Doctors are also human and have families and they shouldn't be expected to hide that part of themselves because it might upset someone, maybe they need those items to get through the day in a job that at times can be very difficult

I think it’s an absurd thing to get upset over. The world can’t remove anything and everything child related just so that she doesn’t get upset.
I worked in a bank and all my colleagues with kids displayed pictures of their family on their desks. Would I do that- no; but only because I’m too private.

How does she manage to walk down the street then?

YABU they could be adopted for all you know.

Indeed, I had therapy after miscarriage number 5 at a service that specialised in miscarriage and infertility and the therapist was visibly pregnant.
FORTUNATELY my 7th pregnancy stuck and I stopped the therapy but I don't think I could have continued with her

It can be false hope though. These displays represent years even decades of successful treatments and can give a misleading impression of how successful the clinic actually is.

I agree absolutely it’s advertising,it doesn’t increase anyone’s chances of success.

It's not a private workspace. It's a clinical consulting room!!

Again - how would you feel if they put up particular personal cultural or religious symbolism?

Who’s to say the GP didn’t have trouble conceiving those children? It also humanises him in what can be a clinical/scary setting for some people.

Who doesn't like goats?

If you want a robot to diagnose you, ask chatgpt. If you want to see an actual human, then let them be human.

I am more concerned that I can't get a face to face apppointment.
My last GP had a tiny Ganesha idol on her desk. Didn't bother me.

From what I’ve seen, even at a fertility clinic there may be posters with babies on, thank you cards from parents who have been supported to have children, pregnant women etc. You can’t shelter yourself away from anything that might trigger you, you need to be resilient enough to accept that some people have things that you don’t.

You don't know what journey he's been through, they could be IVF kids, from donors, adopted. Would it be insensitive to wear a wedding ring knowing lots of people can't find a partner or are widowed?

Imagine this country ever needing to go to war……..we are f’d

Given what you've been through it's understandable, but respectfully I think YABU.

A friend who is a GP had lots of fertility issues and eventually adopted. I'm pretty sure she has photos of her (adopted) children in her room. Is that okay as long as she displays a sign saying they're not biologically hers?

Ok but one tiny Ganesha idol is very different to this :

Several school photos, photos of them on Disney holiday, camping etc. Also hand drawn pictures from the children annotated 'I love you daddy'.
Not just one on the desk or screen saver which would be a different matter. My friend said they were everywhere

This is a clinical consulting room that should be accessible and comfortable for patients from the widest diversity of backgrounds. It's not a personal office.

Obviously being able to get a face to face appointment is crucial as well.

I disagree. There are many things I don't have. One of my DCs has a chronic disease. I dont insist that others conceal their healthy kids from me.

A friend of mine for a start - she says they have "funny eyes" !

And they do !

I dont insist that others conceal their healthy kids from me

Of course not. Nothing to do with the point at all. We were talking about appropriate décor in a clinical consulting room.

Afraid I just don't care what overworked GPs display unless it's sexual or violent.

Most posters seem to agree. Not just a storm in a teacup but a tornado in a thimble, this post.

Chat GPT might be more reliable to be honest. Plus being professional doesn’t equate to being a robot.