GP displaying family photos, children's pictures dedicated to 'daddy' or 'mummy'

[Ilovepastafortea]

I'm lucky in that I've only had 2 miscarriages.

A friend of mine's DIL has now just had her 5th. Friend went to GP with her & was upset to see GP had pictures of their children & pictures obviously done by their children with annotations saying things like 'I love you daddy'.

This is all rather cute & lovely, but my friend thought rather insensitive when her DIL had recently lost a much wanted 5th PG. She also had concerns about women who are seeking fertility treatment - do they really need to be reminded how fertile their GP is?

We had a long discussion: we considered that on the plus side it shows that the GP is a family person with children & the inference is that they understand the problems of having a family. We considered that people who work in banks, in Boots, therapists, the supermarket, the Jobcentre could argue the same point. They don't display their children's photos.

I agree with her, family photos & personal pictures have no place in a GP's consulting room.

So AINBU thinking the family photos have no place in GP consulting rooms?

I had issues carrying babies. I was never once upset at anyone else having a family. I was glad they hadn't had to suffer like i did.

In regards to them being on display in GPs room I actually really like it. As someone who doesn't like going to the doctors I feel like it provides you with a bit of a distraction and makes you feel more on a level with them.

Sorry your friends daughter is going through a tough time.

But gently, this woman will be seeing pictures of kids /actual kids and pregnant women...!!

It's the hideousbess of infertility.

I don't think professionals should not be able to have pictures of their kids as a result!

I am surprised as I would have thought keeping your relationship with your patients is strictly professional and having personal photos is telling your patients a lot about yourself

I can’t remember seeing any personal photos at ny gp’s

im sorry its painful for you op

I can see why it would be upsetting but YABU. The world doesn’t stop turning, there will be children in the waiting room too potentially.

YABVU.

I've read it all now 🙄

Our GP has a children's corner in the waiting room, with pictures they've coloured on the wall. Children are at the supermarket, pregnant women in society everywhere, we have to drive past schools, they're in the media, everywhere. So I don't see what difference it makes for a GP to have family photos and pictures up. You can't pretend families and children don't exist.

We all have things we find painful due to personal experience. We just have to deal with them as the world goes on around us.

I understand it must be upsetting to be triggered all the time but that’s life. You can’t expect every one to hide themselves because you’re suffering from something. It’s hard when you’re in that frame of mind to snap out of it but it’s very selfish to expect others to tip toe around you all the time.

Seems a bit unprofessional and over-sharing to me for a public-facing setting. I'd find it a bit distracting and wonder about the relevance, as a patient or colleague. It suggests work/home boundary issues. A few discreet photos, personal items, ornaments or whatever might be expected. But this sounds over-the-top. As an aside, I once worked with child sex offenders who access GP services.

Our GPs used to have this then they got a new building and they hot desk now so nothing personal is in the room

It’s not even her!! It’s her friends DIL! I’m sure DIL would love to know her private feelings which may be the type of irrational thing you share with family only but wouldn’t to a wider audience are now all over the internet with us all saying she’s unreasonable, I hope this post never finds her.

You know in one of my previous pregnancies I decided to do a private scan. This private scan was done by a fertility clinic.

In the waiting room there were lots of pictures of babies born due to fertility treatment and lots of thank you cards.

We also had our 1 1/2 year old son with us because we had nobody else to look after him.

I'm sure you could argue that pictures of babies in the waiting room and us taking our child with us to a fertility clinic could be triggering to some people.

But unfortunately, even though it's good to be sensitive, we can't remove all triggers at all times.

Of course the GP should be allowed to have pictures of his family.

That's so lovely. My son's teacher has a photo of his child who died on his desk. His class has raised lots of money for the charity who helped him, they say that the charity helped their teacher so they are helping the charity.

What happens with other patients who have chronic illnesses OP, should the doctors hide that they're healthy, a non-smoker, don't drink, where does it end?

I think she would feel upset at ant reminder of her losses whether that's the nappy aisle in the supermarket a gp's family photo, a colleague talking about their own kids, a friend announcing a pregnancy. The issue is she is grieving and it's very hard to want a baby and not be able to have one. Other people treading on eggshells around her won't really fix her grief. It might be difficult for her own mother to see her dd so sad but these are feelings she needs to process. I sincerely hope not her fertility struggles don't end with a family of her own it is something she will need to live with.

Yabvvvu

If this is reasonable in her mind, expecting no photos, drawings etc, where does she draw the line? Do kids waiting to see the GP as patients have to be hidden away in a separate area too? Same with pregnant patients and staff? What about going to the doctors, walking or driving, does she go out of her way to avoid passing schools so she doesn't see kids? Does she never go to the park because she can't stand seeing kids there?

As sympathetic as I am, (and I know it probably doesn't come across like that, but genuinely I wish her every success with her journey), kids and pregnancy are a part of every day life that she can't avoid unless she never leaves her house, never watches TV and never uses the Internet. As counsellors often say, you can't change other people's behaviour, you can only change how you respond to that behaviour.

I genuinely suggest grief counselling, for the 5 awful losses she suffered and the grief she feels at losing the expectation of having a family.

I think you are right. I think it's inappropriate. I think yes there should be sensitivity to the situation of patients,

One or two little pics maybe but not a whole big display.

Who’s to say the GP hasn’t had fertility treatment themself?
What about posters of a breastfeeding baby in the surgery, what about babies on tv, what about anything at all with children and babies?

I’m pretty sure the friend’s DIL will be seeing babies and children every day - does that mean nobody should take their kids out?

Obviously it’s sad if they’re trying to conceive and because they’ve had miscarriages but to deny others of being happy/having their kids pics up, is too much too far.

Sorry but if I have read correctly, DIL has 4 living children and has lost the 5th (very sad, not taking that away from her). But she has 4 children. She is a mother. Seeing pictures dedicated to mummy should not be causing this reaction. Of course she will be sad about her loss but she is hardly infertile and if she can't stand being around signs of parenthood, how is she parenting her other 4 kids?
Should they ban babies from the waiting room too? Take down any posters about vaccinations and breast feeding clinics?

They can do what they want in their own consulting room. It’s rather controlling to say they shouldn’t be allowed to. I say this as someone who had a fair amount of fertility issues, took years of trying and 3 rounds of IVF before we got there. Think positive, your friends DIL’s GP hopefully won’t take great delight in telling people how she tells her children to have babies when they are young, to avoid issues with conceiving like my GP did to me. Not super helpful or true -l know a 22 year old who has had 2 rounds of IVF

So people who are unhappily single would be legitimate in expecting married people not to flaunt their partnered-up status by wearing a wedding ring?

The DIL's very understandable trauma over her miscarriages is what needs to be focused on here, not what family pictures the doctor has in their office.

Your friends DIL is being ridiculous here! How does she know that the GP hasn’t adopted these kids or had fertility problems of their own?

We are still fortunate enough to have human beings as doctors. We will miss them when they are gone. The GP is not a psychotherapist, there is nothing wrong with them wearning wedding bands, having photos of kids, their football club's emblem on the mug on their desk etc. People struggling with loss and grief need to seek help from a therapist to work through their grief, not the GP.

I understand how insensitive it may appear when you have recently suffered a loss or are struggling to get pregnant but..... and I mean this kindly...

Have you ever considered how difficult it is for your GP, day after day seeing physically and mentally ill people, some lonely, some scared, some upset? Maybe the GP needs something positive to remind them why they are doing it like many workers.

Also from a patients perspective, if you are a parent and you are struggling, knowing that the GP you are talking to, also has kids and can relate has to be a bonus to so many.

And then lets not forget that the GP is there to treat you so may not want to divert the conversation from you to explain that they had IVF, adopted, struggled to conceive, have step children etc. You just don't know.

So I think your friends daughter is a bit tunnel visioned at the moment, understandably so but there are many different facets to this and its not as straight forward as it seems. What will she do....walk around with blinkers on so she doesn't see any kids at all?

She is grieving and struggling with that might never be, and she is allowed to work through that, but its not her GPs fault and they have their own struggles.