GP displaying family photos, children's pictures dedicated to 'daddy' or 'mummy'

[Ilovepastafortea]

I'm lucky in that I've only had 2 miscarriages.

A friend of mine's DIL has now just had her 5th. Friend went to GP with her & was upset to see GP had pictures of their children & pictures obviously done by their children with annotations saying things like 'I love you daddy'.

This is all rather cute & lovely, but my friend thought rather insensitive when her DIL had recently lost a much wanted 5th PG. She also had concerns about women who are seeking fertility treatment - do they really need to be reminded how fertile their GP is?

We had a long discussion: we considered that on the plus side it shows that the GP is a family person with children & the inference is that they understand the problems of having a family. We considered that people who work in banks, in Boots, therapists, the supermarket, the Jobcentre could argue the same point. They don't display their children's photos.

I agree with her, family photos & personal pictures have no place in a GP's consulting room.

So AINBU thinking the family photos have no place in GP consulting rooms?

One GP I saw had pictures of his goats on the walls, another pictures of his horses.

That might upset someone who didn't like goats (I don't know anyone who didn't like horses)

I was going to say this. In my company we are not allowed anything at all on our desks. Nothing. Dispite being quite high security so even having a client on site would be very unusual. No one sees your desk. It's to remind you your not a person but a company resource. I remember having a conversation with someone above me about how I didn't want to work in the city because after childcare and the train fair I'd only break even at best. He seemed totally shocked that I'd want to turn a profit from working. When everything is a bottom line sometimes it's nice to remember your bottom line and why you show up

I went to the GP because it knew I was really struggling with Pre natal depression (brought on by DV ) and the GP told me I should "think myself lucky because some people really badly want to get pregnant and can't "

Infertility struggles are shit. But people cant hide the fact that they have children just to make others more comfortable. And art like that in a GP surgery probably makes for a nice working environment for the GP and also I know it has helped distract me at times

I've had two miscarriages and it would not bother me a bit to see pictures of the doctor's children in his surgery, in fact it would display his human nature. Our MP is also a local GP and he has loads of pictures of his elderly parents, children and grandchild on his facebook page, I think it is just lovely.

I think this is beyond ridiculous. I had a premature baby at 23 weeks, who later died aged 9 months and then a miscarriage at 20 weeks. At no point did I consider that the losses I had suffered meant that the GP I was seeing should not have family photos or drawings on display. I think this is an extremely entitled attitude. Your friend's DIL will have to learn to get on with her life in a world full of other people's children, unless the actual children should all be kept indoors in case they cause offence or upset too?
The world does not stop because of any individual's grief or loss.
The neonatal unit where my DD died had photos of all the prem babies who had made it home pinned to a clipboard. Even after my daughter's death, walking past that just made me glad that others had had a happier outcome. I don't think it occurred to anyone that bereaved parents would begrudge other parents their happiness.

I’ve had miscarriages and IVF and I wouldn’t give one iota about this. I would think that someone that did was deranged.

My GP has 7 children, which I can see from the family picture. As much as some people might find this hard, it humanises him and connects with other patients. I feel much easier talking to him as he's not going to say, "Wait, how many kids do you have?" when I am there with my youngest daughter and I mention my middle daughter and youngest son. In the end, he's obviously working to support his family and it's an important part of who he is. If it makes someone uncomfortable there are other doctors in the practice they can see.

I'm sorry your friend was upset (how did the DIL feel, I wonder?). However, I like to see my GP's family photos! Not all of the GPs in our local practice display them, but those that do somehow seem (illogically, I know)... more rounded? More human? And I think that's important in a GP because, unlike bank clerks or Boots employees, they are often dealing with people who are feeling worried, vulnerable, or scared at an existential level, and these little reassuring glimpses can help to reassure.

I've never had a miscarriage, so perhaps I'd feel differently if I had. But surely other people's babies and children are everywhere? Your friend and her DIL probably heard them in neighbouring gardens, saw them on the bus on their way to the appointment and sat near them in the doctor's waiting room. It must be difficult, but I guess that it's just one of those things that you have to overcome, unfortunately.

initially I read your post and thought oh come on, everything offends everyone these days but actually on seconds thought I think you’re right. It’s unprofessional and too revealing about his personal life and yes it is insensitive to people, not only those with issues relating to fertility, it could be upsetting for many. Children in the care system, bereaved people etc. The gp office should be a blank slate, dedicated solely to the patient. Not about the gp’s comfort or wellbeing.

Your friend is being very very very unreasonable

Some people's hobby is looking for things to be upset about, which I think is pretty sad

I’ve had 4 losses total, 1 being a still birth and couldn’t imagine getting upset about this. YABU. Life moves on and other people have their own lives.

I don’t think it’s insensitive in this context as a GP deals with lots of medical issues and it’s photos of his kids, not a sonogram or something directly related to pregnancy.

But there’s no way I would work in a public facing job and have photos of my kids for all to see. I would see it as a safeguarding risk for someone who deals with people with MH issues

Your friend, unspeakably hard though it is for her, is being ridiculous. Other people cannot hide the fact that they have children from the childless. Other people's lives don't revolve around her. You could make this case about pretty much any tragedy or misfortune to befall someone else. And it would be wrong - we can't go on in this way, constantly afraid of triggering someone else.

How does she know that they are her GP's children? For all she knows, they may be adopted or fostered, or born as a result of artificial insemination.

With every respect. - and I say this having had two miscarriages myself - surely every time you go out and see women with babies and toddlers, plus other family groups, you are reminded of the fact that other people are able to have healthy children. You can't expect people to hide away their families.

Get a grip, seriously.

This is a reasonable summary of why yabu
of course fertility issues are a terrible tragic concern
but the gp will also being seeing people who may have issues because they have children. Their children may have health concerns, the parents may feel overwhelmed. They might feel the gp can help them more as they can relate. Just as for example I currently appreciate the advice of those with elderly parents as they may understand my current stresses. The gp revealing more of their personal life will likely help more than hinder their patients
but again though, you have my strong sympathies

@Ilovepastafortea if your friend is struggling this much, I suggest that she gets professional support. The Miscarriage Association could be helpful to speak to. It’s too easy to focus on something trivial rather than dealing with the huge sense of grief and loss that she must be feeling. Deep down she knows that the GP has done absolutely nothing wrong by having photos of his DC on display.

I'm sorry but the world doesn't stop because someone has had miscarriages. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the GP and of course they are entitled to have family photos on display, as many as they want.

Where would this end otherwise?

The entitlement is breathtaking. GP’s shouldn’t be allowed to personalise their own workspace in case it upsets their patients ? You don’t care about the comfort or the well being of the person who is in charge of your healthcare ? The self indulgent navel gazing displayed on MN lately is bonkers.

I don’t have personal photos in my office. The reason is purely one of privacy. I keep my private life private. However I do not care one bit what others do. Your friend is being ridiculous. Other people have children. Plenty of irresponsible people have children with many different people- fact. Fertility has nothing At all do with ability to patent- nothing. Your friend needs to accept this unfair reality.
If she feels this strongly she could always train to become a doctor herself and set her own example.

I think this a classic case of looking for things to be offended about.

In a fertility clinic yes it’s insensitive. In a GP office no because the reality is people have children and children are everywhere. You don’t know what the GPs experience of conceiving was or what their life situation is

Do you realise how many photos of babies there are in fertility clinics?

Of babies conceived via fertility treatment. To give hope.