51% of men in favour of having weight filters on dating apps

[Toilichte]

theres an article in the guardian today following Tinders decision to add in height filters as a premium feature. Quite a few men are upset saying it is going to make dating harder (despite the stats saying many routinely lie about their height anyway).

But what shocked me, was that 51% of men were in favour of a weight filter. Presumably in their heads they all have such great physiques that a weight filter wouldn’t negatively impact their prospects 🤣. But I was genuinely shocked, I really didn’t think the numbers behind weight was a big deal (obviously body type-yes. But not to be able to say she’s over 10stone so that’s a no!)

The amount of grievance between the sexes in dating seems to be off the charts and completely toxic now. People talk about how terrible the 90s was for lad culture, which there undoubtedly was but, you know, I don't remember over-riding narratives of embitterment. I feel entirely grateful to not have this shite to deal with.

If you have the height and the weight, you can work out the BMI yourself.

I think it’s a good thing.

Isn’t Tinder based on choosing by visual appeal? If I was on there, I’d wanted to filter out fat and/or short men.

I'm an obese woman and it wouldn't bother me. If someone doesn't want to get to know me because of my weight, then that's their choice and I honestly probably wouldn't be interested in them either if body size is so important to them. Yes, weight does not always equal fat, but again, someone who doesn't know that and chooses to use this filter, is not someone for me.

I wouldn't want to date a fat man, so I can't get upset about some men not wanting to date fat women.

I don't think people plan to lie.

I'm very photogenic but my photos are never filtered. I look great in photos. I know this because friends etc used to always say it "do you ever have an off-photo?" with a roll of the eyes. They meant it in a complimentary way but when I heard it said a lot i realised I didn't look so well in person. But I never had any bad reactions.

However I'd been online dating about a year when I got very ill. I took a break from life and dating. I wasn't going to the gym anymore or walking and I wasn't paying attention to my diet. In hindsight I would have gained weight but I didn't notice, I had other things on my mind. My long hair got very dull and kept breaking so I cut it into a bob.

Then I decided to get back to life. I reopened my dating profile, didn't think much about it and added one photo with my updated hair. A few messages exchanged and I set up a date. I was feeling fragile from life anyway walking in but giving myself a pep talk about getting back out there.

I will never ever forget the reception I got. The man (I can't even remember his name but his face and expression is burned onto my brain) was standing at the bar drinking a beer. I smiled and said hello. His face changed from confusion to actual anger and disgust. He looked me up and down.

I didn't genuinely know what was happening as if was all so strange and I'd never had a reception like that. I actually thought he was maybe very socially awkward. I suggested a table. He kept frowning at me. I was trying to put him at ease asking him some casual questions. Honestly it was ludicrous. Eventually he visibly relaxed. And then he started giving out; women are liars, they use fake photos, they waste men's time. I was in shock. I walked up to the bar, paid and left.

I don't think anyone should have to feel as I did so I would welcome a weight filter.

Weight filter would be very good for me. I'm not single, but I don't find fat men or women attractive. It's just personal preference.

I think the strangeness for me comes in when you say I am happy to date someone who is say between 5ft 2 and 5ft 7 and weights up to 10stone. The range of body types that would encompass is massive.

There are already body type filters, I just am not convinced weight actually works as one. But am surprised by the 51% of men who are confident that they would benefit more from this than they would be hindered.

I suppose they see it as balancing the equation. If women are going to be able to filter for height (which is something many men are insecure about) then they feel they should be able to filter us on weight.

One thing I've learned from being happily with the same person for more than forty years is that I don't have to be grateful when people give me the time of day. So if I was in the market for a partner, I hope I'd feel free to say, go ahead with your filters. People have the right to their preferences. They also have the right to refuse those who treat them as lesser because they don't tick particular boxes. This applies if you're tall, short, fat, slim, blue eyed or brown, educated or not, regardless of race, ethnicity, religion, disability. We all have the right to say no. And those who are favoured in some way shouldn't assume that they'll always be the first to say "oh fuck no." You might be surprised to learn you aren't God's gift after all.

People are allowed to have preferences. Seems fine to me. I've been rejected for being too short before (I'm female) - that man could have filtered me out from the start and then I wouldn't have to receive the negative feedback directly. Obviously weight varies massively in terms of muscle mass, height etc etc so it doesn't seem that practical... but the principle is fine.

I wonder if women will lie about their weight like men lie about their height 🙄

I can't see an issue with this. People are allowed to have preferences.

Why would any woman want to waste time meeting up with someone who would not be attracted to her, whether because of her height or weight or age? Would you even want to meet a man who was obsessive abour women’s weight? I wouldn’t.

This filter will probably just filter out some pretty dickish men, & save women’s time being wasted.

I don’t see a problem.

Tinder is about finding someone who is sexually appealing quickly /in great numbers and weight is a factor for men and women.

There will be lots of exaggerating and minimising already being told on Tinder and weight/height will be one of those.

I think it’s fair enough, and I say that as a woman.

We’re all allowed to have preferences and personally if I was on dating apps and was a bigger woman then I’d rather just be able to get that information out there to avoid any time wasting and also to prevent having a first date after potentially weeks of messages/calls only to see he is disappointed or for the date to go well and then him to not want to see me again due to my size. It’s a bit rubbish but we are all human and you like what you like, if I’m not what someone likes then I’d far rather everybody be aware of that from the onset.

How is it fat shaming if someone is sat in their own home and clicks on a couple of filters?

Answering your previous question.

No it isn't right if someone goes down the streets shouting it out loud.

But sat in their own home doing a few clicks on their own phone- it's just choosing their preference and would be fine.

Surely people will just lie.
Men definitely would if penis size was asked for. 😂

Also I have a friend who happily tells us she’s overweight, however she’s so pretty and kind I never really notice her weight.

I’m heavy, it doesn’t bother me - everyone is entitled to their own preference. As long as people are t rude about it

Flip it round, who wants a short fat woman, would it be okay to say that?

Of course it's not OK to say that, nor is it OK to say it about a man.

It's OK to have preferences, it's OK to say "I don't want a short, fat woman/man" but as soon as you start with the "who wants a short fat person", that is implicitly saying that they aren't attractive to anyone, and has an unpleasant undertone of disgust.

I‘m curious where else in life you think you should be ‘able to make your own mind up regarding shape/size/hair colour etc’

Weight wise, I don’t see the point in lying. If I weighed 16 stone and lied on my dating app and said I weighed 9 stone then yeah, I’d get more matches, more messages/calls, but as soon as one of those progresses to a first date all 16 stone will be in attendance. I don’t know why any woman would want to waste both yours & their time if you already know you’re not compatible but more than that I can’t imagine anything worse than being excited for a first date and turning up only to see their face drop when they realise I’m not who they thought I was.

anywhere else in your life that involves fucking them. I also am curious :D

@Goditsmemargaret that's very open of you to give the background. I hope you are happy now.
I'm not single but know 2 women who lie about their weight..both are very obese and use filters. One has had a negative reaction when meeting someone f2f. The man said "I won't sit down or have a drink with you because I feel you have been deceptive and that's never a good start to any relationship"

Nothing wrong on weight filters - isn't it similar to age?

I don’t really see a problem with filtering out body types, whether it’s height or weight. People will lie, though.